I just started this method about 2 days ago, but before i explain my doctors way of getting me off let me give you a little background on my useage.
Almost everyday I would crush up and snort about 160mg of oxy in about a 2-5 hour time period. of course I worked my way up to that tolerance, I remember getting sick after snorting 20mg one time. I took it of course to get high, but towards the end, there wasn't a high, there was just the feeling of being a normal person. I tried to quit cold turkey about a month ago, it lasted about 5 days, God it was horrible, i remember the first day without it I had to let my cousin know i wasn't coming in to work because if the slightest thing had gone wrong, hell if he breathed too heavily for my liking I would've snapped. My bones wanted to jump out of my body, I was sweating so heavily, I couldn't get comfortable to sleep. So I started to use again and like I said about 160mg was my normal for about a 4 hour time period, sometimes I would go higher maybe 200mg. I also got a hold of dilaudid but those are like the difference between an alcoholic drinking water, and taking a shot.
The day I decided to get off was this. Wednesday I was driving to my dealers house which was about a half hour away, I was totally sober nothing in me whatsoever. A little kid on a razor scooter in a residential neighborhood came jamming down his driveway, which i saw and recognized, he just kept coming and I'm thinking to myself this kids gonna stop, theres like 15ft from where my car is on the street and the end of his driveway. He didn't, I slammed on my brakes as hard and as fast as i could and swerved trying to miss him but I didn't, he hit the passenger side of my car. a little 8 year old boy. I immediatley stopped and called 911. Thank god the kid popped up, a neighbor carried him across the street and once he saw all the cops and ambulance coming the boy started crying. I talked to the cops, lied about why i was there, they had an expert come out and wrote in the report it was not my fault the little boy was at fault. It's so cliche to say but I swear it all happened in slow motion. Driving to buy drugs and I almost killed a kid, another 6 inches towards the drivers side of my car and me going just a little faster, I run him over and he's dead.
So the next day or that evening I forget now, but I am perscribed legally 10mg valium because I have extreme anxiety, and I am perscribed flexeril because I have a bad back and it just helps with my muscle spasms, which pretty much the valium could do, and I am also on zoloft for depression and anxiety. But that night or the next day I took 160mg of oxy 70mg of valium and around 70mg of flexeril. I felt horrible and so guilty, I'm a very emotional person. I blacked out and don't remember a thing from that night, my fiance said I was screaming at her and made her cry so bad, and I was calling people on my phone trying to talk to them and they couldn't understand a word I was saying. My fiance thought I was going to die so she called my brother and my dad. Thank god I made it through the night and thank god I have my beautiful fiance. The next day my dad and brother came over for an intervention ( My mom lives about 5 minutes away and I have no relationship with her)... I suffer from a lot of emotional problems, I was crying the whole time they talked to me because I never really think anyone cares about me, except my fiance. I'm 25 and have thought that way for as long as i can remember.
That all happened 3/7 I got high on 3/9 even after almost dying again 160mg up my nose. I stayed up all night, at about 11am i went to my pharmacy to switch to zoloft so i was picking that up along with trying to pick up viagra because the anti depresants mess with my sex drive, the pharmacist told me my insurance would not cover it. So i went upstairs to talk to the nurse and see what was going on with the viagra. I asked to talk in private and she said of course so we went in and asked about the viagra and then just I had made up my mind that day to get off. So i just told her straight up I'm hooked on oxy, she made me and apt with my doctor for that day. I talked to my doctor told him everything that happened, how much I was taking and how I was taking it.
And what I'm wondering is if the method of what he put me on to take me off is good. He is basically weining me off of it. He prescribed my 20mg oxycodones, which I gave to my dad to make sure I would not abuse them, and he set up a regiment to get me down to one pill a day and then no more. I just don't want that anymore, and i would try to be all tough and quit cold turkey, but I tried that, and I'm not that tough, mentally or physically.
Hopefully you got through my long ass story and any input and advice would be much appreciated, I was thinking that if after my regiment is over and I'm weining off, if i get the urge to call my doctor right away and try to get on suboxone or methadone or something, I know that urge is going to be there sometime or another. I just gotta stick with it. Thanks for whoever took there time to read my story.
Wow, you are on the right track seeking professional help. It takes alot of courage to face your demons and I commend you.
It sounds like you have several people that love you deeply, your Dad, brother and fiance.
You mentioned that you are estranged from your mom. Does she know of your agony? If not, shame on your Dad. You will live through this and someday be a Dad yourself. As such, know that for our children's success in life, it is imparative that both parents take a positive active roll together even in divorce situations. For me knowing the good and not so good in my children's lives has always been for the best for everyone in the long run and we have lots more than two children.
Remember that no person or family is perfect. We all have issues. What has worked for us is to work through the issues, sometimes with professional help, then leave the past in the past. Make today a good day. Good days don't just happen. Make them good, healthy, peacefull, loving.
If your mom knows, I'm sure she is in agony. Allow your mom to love you. She carried you in her womb for 9 months, raised you and I'm 100% sure, loves you. Just as she labored through your birth in hours of agony. She will labor with you in your agony until you are at peace and healthy. As I made mistakes raising my children, I'm sure your mom make mistakes, we are not perfect. My adult children now chose to simply love me. We worked through past hurtfull issues, recognized that we could not change them, forgave each other and moved forward resolving to leave those issues in the past. Now, my adult children simply allow me to love them. Thank God. You are an adult and can now chose your destiny, chose to allow your family and fiance to love you especially your mom.
I felt your pain in reading your note. We are all connected at some level. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. You have the people you know and the numerous others, like us that you don't know but also love you.
I was on 180 mgs of morphine and 90 mgs of oxycodone for 7 years for back issues. Sometimes my oxy was doubled for night pain but all came from doctors. Thing is, there is no up side after awhile. Your body adjusts and unless you keep going up you are just left with sweats and lethargy.
I started weaning off at my own request about 2 months ago. I am morphine free and down to 15 mgs of oxy/day, so almost there. It has been a slow progressive tapering and it has not been the most fun, but certainly doable. If you are patient and determined you can do this. Getting in a hurry will undermine the process; I know because I got a little impatient myself and had to back up a little. It might help to get something to help you sleep.
You asked if my mom knew. I told her last night, and the response I got was oh I'm sorry, hopefully you get better. Her emotional range is that of a person in a coma. After I called her and had a fairly civil conversation, she proceeded to call my brother 5 times or so until he answered his phone and yelled at him for not telling her. My mom knows very little of my life, which is my fault, and my fault on purpose. We don't get a long, doubtfully and sadly probably never will. So after I found out she had yelled at my older brother I called her and told her what I thought of her, she has never been there for me, she goes back on her word, yada yada, i could go on and on. Basically in this point in my life I need support, not negativity, which is what she would be very great at giving me. I'm keeping all the supportive people around me, no one else. I'm nearly 26, I don't need her in my life.
If the person that responded back is my mom... which i am assuming it is seeing as how I told you to come to this website and read my story to understand a little bit about what has been going on in my life since you are not a part of it, you wrote the same stuff as my mom said to me on the phone last night and that you just signed up and have one post. You can say you're my mom and it's your right as a parent all you want, but until you actually act like a parent, I don't consider you one, maybe you yourself need some help, counseling, anti depressants, anxiety... point being I haven't considered you much of anything to me for a long time, and when I'm going through the toughest time in my life, honestly I don't need you and would appreciate you not chymming in with your wisdom, as if it's going to help me in some way. Good bye.
Hi. I am a dad who has children from a divorce. I also am remarried into a blended family. You obviously have an addiction, which you will need to deal with through rehab and strength on your part. It seems from your posts that you are blaming your mother. Your mother is not the problem, neither is your dad. I am willing to bet that your dad is encouraging your estrangement from your mom. If that is the case, then shame on him! I had that from my ex-wife, until she finally got it - that we as parents need to communicate directly and not through our kids and keep each other informed of what is going on with our children no matter what the age or how we might feel about each other. From my experience, children of divorced parents don't understand that it's not the parents fault. A child of your age needs to take responsibility for his own actions. If you are estranged, look in the mirror and ask yourself how much you have contributed to that estrangement. Taking responsiblility for your actions is not only the first step to a better and richer life, but also to recovery from your addiction. It's easier said than done, but you can draw from your inner strength and make it happen. Let the ones that love you help in whatever way they are capable, even if it is just encouragement. Watch out for that pointed finger, because four fingers are pointing right back at you. Instead of blaming, take charge of your own life and except whatever consequences come your way. Learn from those consequences and make whatever adjustments to make your life better. Thank you for sharing your issues, and even though I do not know you, I wish you the best!
please do not reply to this post in regards to any issues involving your opinions on my thoughts on my parents or anything to do with my parents. You are completely wrong on everything you said, my father does not encourage my lack of communication with my mother, he wishes it wasn't like that. My mother on the other hand when I lived with her when i was 21 right after there divorce would yell at me and scream at me and say I was just like my father, in a negative manner. You have your whole thought process twisted on my issues, and your post neither contributed to helping me or contributed to encouraging me. I don't blame my mother for my addiction, are you kidding me? I'm 26, I make my own decisions in life, not my mother who I never talk to. I look in the mirror every day and blame myself. My dad has been my lifeline, without him I probably wouldn't be able to kick it, and he has wished from the very beginning of there divorce that I had a relationship with her and encourages me to keep trying. Don't make assumptions in peoples lives, ask questions man, I can tell you I'm not addicted because of my mom... I'm shaking my head even thinking someone would think that. Re evaluate your post man... good luck to you.
serious drug or drinking normally is a symptom of a deeper issue in your life that you do not want to face.
I hope that you look into this and talk to your dr. Otherwise, the method you describe could seriously backfire. You should be in a supervised program or in a detox facility for a certain length of time. This is very hard to do on your own, especially because snorting it is much harder to get off, along with the mgs you are using. Bad stuff. I hope that this information helps you out. Also, a 12 step program. several options.
I am a recovering alcoholic who personally never used narcotics, but who has many, many, many friends who were once addicted (to Oxycontin, Heroin, Methadone, etc.) I also do not know anyone at all who successfully weaned off narcotics. Withdrawl sucks, and they have inpatient medical and non- medical detoxes all over the country, but the only solution to a drug problem I know of is to quit taking the drug, ant to take less. I am a member of a 12 step program, and suggest that as well. I have discovered a new way of life that I never could have dreamed of, and for the last eight years, have never felt alone. It sounds hokey, but it isn't. Go to aa.org. Good luck.
I wholeheartedly agree. AA can save your life, and once you commit to it, commit for life. It also gives opportunities to mentor others, thus, giving back to the community and saving lives.
To Fluffy, consider a detox program, inpatient. Your degree of use, and mg or use is going to be difficult to wean off of in the manner listed. Use all the help around you...family and friends. Do not hide your use. Make it known. That is the one way to get all the support you need. You are WORTH YOUR LIFE.
I am hoping that the method you are using to get off this is working? Can you let us all know?
I am very concerned. I have a child who is now serving time in prison for drug use and it is not a place you want to be. Doing drugs leads people to commit crimes they would not have ever ever considered like stealing, robbing, breaking into homes, or whatever. just to get money for drugs.
I know my child would have never made these choices if they did their treatment the right way: detox in a supervised inhouse program, and get into an AA program. I know someone with Kaiser and they received a great inhouse treatment. I think that provider offers something like 60 days inhouse.
I know you think no one cares except your fiance, but I would bet that is not the case at all. parents love their kids unconditionally.
to fluffy. I am on the site and looking to see what is the latest for you and does not look like you have posted.
Are you ok? why don't you let us know if you are progressing with getting off all of the drugs? I wish you the best.
After getting through your post, it occurred to me that I don't believe you said how long you have been using oxy. I was dependent on several of the major-league meds, including oxy for four years and it was almost impossible to get off it alone.
I never snorted oxy and started a weaning process in Feb. '07 and that lasted a month before I got impatient with how long it was taking. So, I quit cold-turkey and that was a big mistake. No one knows how their body will react until they actually quit taking the drug and, in my case, I was in bed for a solid month and not able to eat much. I felt tired and sick for another two months before the drugs finally left my system.
I found out just how powerful these pain drugs are when my body starting aching and crying out for that next pill. I have degenerative disk disease in my lower back, so I never really got a high from the drugs like you do. But, your body has built up a tolerance for the oxy where it takes more and more to keep from having pain.
Here's hoping you have stuck with the weaning process and have not slipped and bought some more without your dad's knowledge. I hate to say this, but it's true: You are only hurting yourself if you allow oxy to rule your life.
Believe this. When, not if, you are able to flush the oxy from your system, you'll be surprised at how well you feel. It's like getting a new lease on your life.
I won't lie to you, this will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life, but you have to do it or you're going to drastically harm your body. It's a cliche, but it is the only body you're going to have.
I have been clean now over a year and I remember what I felt like on drugs, and I never want to feel that way again.
I wish you lots of luck with this Fluffy, I am only now realising since talking here' i am addicted to Oxy also given to me for 'Degenerative Disk Disease' My Real pain is horrific but now i believe the Oxy pain is 10 times worse, Im going to get myself off it, i was prescribed it by my Doc without the info of getting hooked, i just cant wait to be shot of it out of my body, its causing me more pain and misery than i ever thought possible. lonestar is right your hurting yourself but also people around you that love you dearly like you Dad' they are hurting too in the Heart
God Bless you my Dear in all the good things you are about to do
I agree with the other posters that have said that the only successful way that you will get off the oxy's will be inpatient detox. They are a hard drug to come off of.
Please dont get on methadone, that is simply a substitute for the oxy's. You will have a hard time coming off of that as well if you take it for any length of time as well.
At the very least, you need to go to an inpatient detox for a couple days to get the drugs out of your system, and then consider going to a rehab program for a period of time. Most insurance companies will cover at least a 14 day program, but in order for it to be effective, you should consider going for at least 30 days.
You need to change your people, places and things that you associate your drug use with. Your fiance and your dad seem to be keeping you on the right track. Lose the numbers of the people that you get the pills from. Dont drive by where you get the pills from...and so on. GO to AA meetings...Meeting makers make it...
I can go on and on...but I wont. If you need to talk, PM me. Ive been there done that and will NEVER go back to that part of my life.
I have a daughter who was addicted to oxy's she is in a 28 day program now. She was homeless before she went in and I don't know what or how much I should do for her when she gets out.... she is 25 and cannot move into our home.Can anyone recommend assistance?
I can only assume that you are no longer trying the method suggested or you would probably be posting on your progress.
I hope you are reading what we are posting. You really need inpatient detox! Save yourself, man. Don't go down that road. Your life is worth it, and YOU are too. I am praying for you along with others.
I was on 200-300 mg of Oxy a day at the end of my run. It took 2 years to work up to that point. I snorted the 30 mg every couple hours. I had been sober for 18 years before this! I was addicited to alcohol and drugs before I got sober in 1991. I got on Oxy first by using vicodin for pain. After periodic use for pain I began buying th stuff on the street and became a daily user as I was physically addicted after a while. A year before I got off Oxy I tried a doctor and he gave me Suboxone. It worked but it was a slow process and the doc visits were expensive. The thought that alomost killed me was "I will stop using suboxone and just taper off with pills". What a joke! It almost killed me. I called a friend in AA that had gone thru a similar experience. I flew 2000 miles away to get away from my dealer and started going to AA meetings again.
OK, now the fun part. After 3 days of no pills I checked into a detox because I could sit still and wanted to jump out of my body. Unfortunately, the detox center kicked me to the curd the next day for whatever reason. I went cold turkey from then on out while still going to meetings. I called a recovery ceneter after two weeks of very little sleep and the experience of hell that you cannot put into words. They said they give patience valume and muscle relaxers for sleep and RLS. I took sleep aids for a while and sat in my hot tub as much as I could, massages helped too. However, nothing would relieve my insane anxiety!! Every minute of every day it was with me. My stomach was warm all the time and thus I ate and ate and gained 30 lbs.
The bottom line is this. I made a decision to stop!! I actually said to myself that I may feel this crap for the rest of my life and had to get ok with it. Otherwise I will die a miserable death. The anxiety and all the rest subsided COMPLETELY at the end of six weeks. I sat thru AA meetings, went to work and all the rest but it was the hardest GD thing I have ever done. Once you decide you are done, either check into a treatment facilty to get a good month under your belt or tough it out. There is no magic bullet or remedy. I tried natural stuff, I tried the Thompson recipe. The withdrawls are bigger and badder than all that crap.
I read this forum for help and it did help but I was looking for an easy way out. I found no posting stating that you are screwed and this is going to be tough. That's the truth and there is no getting around it.
I am happy to say that I will have a year clean and sober on June 28th!! One more thing, talk talk talk to somebody about the pain and agony. It helps! The other thing that took my mind off of the anxiety was TV. I don't know why but it worked for me. Nothing else worked. I am here and will listen if you want to talk and so are a gillion other good folks. Hang in there and most of all......make a decision and do it.
I am barely on day two of this horrible process and I don't know if I can do it. No one in my family or friends knows so I am attempting this cold turkey alone. I have read some of these posts and they are helpful but it scares the crap out of me that I won't be able to do it. At this point I'm just looking for someone to listen and talk me through this. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do.