Gaining Weight ?!

I think you are doing fantastic with what you are eating...I am proud of you...but make it from 1400 to 2000 calories a day...Honey, you have will power...You are just finding it again...You know what is good for you and that throwing up will and can destroy your body....Bulimia is something that you will struggle with the rest of your life...Don't think you have got it licked as it hides inside you....Keep getting well and stay off the scale...If you have any other questions, then give me a yell...Have a wonderful Holiday Season...

Caroline

It sounds like you're doing all of the right things. It's great that you're walking every day. That's the best exercise. Give your body time to adjust to 'normal eating' and eventually you'll find that your weight will manage itself. Drink lots of water and eat small meals throughout the day. Have a healthy dinner and don't snack on junk food at night. That's the best advice I can give.

Wendy

Hi there – sounds like you are on the right track but understandably anxious.
You say that you do not want to go back to fasting or purging, and it is really significant that those thoughts are coming from YOU. And its great you’ve got such support.

As you are walking regularly and eating regularly then you will become the weight that is right for you, so you are doing right by ignoring the scales. But just remember that food restriction exacerbates ED behaviour and thought patterns, and the ED is still telling you that you need to be thin.

7 months is great progress. And maintenance of recovery can still be hard work. As well as the monitoring, are you getting any support about looking at any emotional difficulties; improving your self esteem; or looking at what else you have going on in your life? ED behaviour can of course be fulfilling a purpose for us – it can be our way of coping with life, and so we need to look at how we can look after ourselves and deal with life in more self-caring and healthful ways.

Best wishes for your continued progress, and post back soon about how you are getting on

MattC

Hi KillingJar

I am a failed anorexic, a failed bulemic, but a successful overeater who has struggled for 40 years. This is just a bit of my story but it might give you a few clues for your own journey with food.

I just hate it when people watch me eat too - I get very angry with the people who do it to me and often cant resist the temptation to over eat just to get back at them - but I have learned this trick. 1) I can forgive them for not knowing what it is like for me - they can't possiblly know. 2) I forgive myself for needing help from others to get the food life balance right.

I got so mad with those watching me (my mum, my sisters and my husband) I went to see a dietician to get them off my back and find a team of independent and professional advisers who were on my side for sure. After all I was paying the bill. I ate according to my dieticians instructions and I told all those watching me I had the dieticians permission to eat food.

Phew what a relief that was!!!!!All the watchers were left speechless as I ate my authorised bowl of porridge every morning. Finally I could eat in peace - it was wonderful. I love porridge and its good for me and my diabetes.

Over the last 12 months I have had mixed success but weighed the same after 12 months as I did when I started. It was a miracle for me and I am proud of myself for being so faithful to the plan I made that I had confidence would work for me. It did. All the watchers are shaking their head because I didn't achieve their goal of me loosing masses of weight. But I did achieve mine. I achieved my goal of eating normally and finding my balance according to an approved dieticians advice with my GP monitoring my blood results to ensure my eating was healthy and approriate for my medical condidtions even though at times I was so scared it wouldn't work. I had to trust the dietician and she was right.

Set yourself a healthy eating goal you want to achieve and get yourself a team of supporters who are committed to helping you get accross the line. The anxiety around eating events wont stop immediately but the fruits of your labors will prove to you that you can do it.

The best thing for me in the last year has been loosing my fear of food. I had no idea I was so afraid of it - thats what I learned. Maybe you will learn something different to me and get to know yourself in a new way.

As a eating disorder sufferer I find I am often my own worst enemy - my goal is to try and be my own best friend - my team are helping me be that for me. I have a hunch we all might make better progress with our struggles and weaknesses this way.

These are the thoughts and feelings that came to me when I read your post. Thanks so much for sharing your struggle. All I can do for you is cheer you on so Way to go girl - you can do it! - Take a moment now to congratualate yourself on one thing you did today you know was OK around food. I just bet there was more than one - focus one your achievements and not your failures and you will be a true friend to yourself.

Blessings from
IcebergRose

Hello Iceberg Rose,

Thank you SOOOO much for your post. I too ama failed anorexic and a failed bulimic. The thinness has been replaced by obesity, even though I still don't eat much. I've just been offered a place in an inpatient ED facility, and all I can think is "how can someone who looks like me possibly go there!". But I'm 30 this year, and I've had this for 15 years. I don't want it to turn into 40 years as you have had to endure.
I'm sorry for your pain, but so glad you are making progress.

Thanks again for sharing.