Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 70 Location: New York, United States
Friends with the Ex Posted: 04-04-08 14:10pm
Is it healthy being friends (staying
friend I should say) with a guy right
after a break up?
Note: If you were friends with him more
than 4 years before getting together
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antigone
Supporter
Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 803 Location: IL
Thanks: 33
Thanked:12
Posted: 04-05-08 00:42am
If you and the guy have no issues with
being more intimate and then going back to
a less intimate friendship then go for it.
It takes a mature and open person to be
able to maintain a friendship but it can
be a really wonderful friendship. I was
able to discuss very personal issues and
get great guy advice from a friend I had
been in a relationship with.
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crazyinluvwitchu
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2008 Posts: 78 Location: SACRAMENTO, CALiFORNiA
Posted: 04-05-08 00:48am
there's nothing wrong with being friends
with an EX.....
i've known this one guy for a pretty long
time...
then we dated for a while..
we fell in love...
he moved away..so it ended...
and now he's just 2hrs away..
but we're very go0d friends....
maybe MORE than that....
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Larlen
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 70 Location: New York, United States
Posted: 04-05-08 04:19am
I just keep thinking back to how things
were during the relationship and the
break-up. When we are talking it doesnt
come to mind always after and I say I
wish I didnt talk to him . . .
He said our relationship was good only one
problem (communicaton) but everything else
was great. I just think that friends
should allow friends to make mistakes and
give them atleast a chance to see if they
can fix them. He knew it was my first
serious relationship - give a girl a
chance!
Kind of like if your friend choose the
wrong new hairstlye - you might not want
to go out with her or something but a real
friend would say I think that hairstlye
isnt you.
Does anybody understand this point of
view? I dont know if you can apply it to
relationships but . . . bottom line a
friend should be a friend no matter what
and people deserve at least a second
chance (sometimes maybe a third!)
Thanks alot for giving some imput in the
previous replys - P.S we havent seen each
other for about 5 days since he broke up
with me but we will tomorrow so I'll see
if that changes things for the worst with
me or changes things with him
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crazyinluvwitchu
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2008 Posts: 78 Location: SACRAMENTO, CALiFORNiA
Posted: 04-05-08 22:12pm
same thing I'm going through honey.......
I was just telling you about my
experience....
but can you be more clear on your
situation?.....
wait...
you and your bf broke up..
but you guys still talk??....
well you're gonna see him...
just tell me how'd that went??..
(keep me posted)
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Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 953 Location: , MN
Thanks: 29
Thanked:7
Posted: 04-05-08 22:45pm
If he's not going to give a second chance
then there's not much to do.
I think that its not really about chances
really, more about willing to talk over
problems and work with the relationship.
But in order for that to happen you need
to have someone with enough guts to
clearly state the problem, the receiver
needs to be mature enough to realize its
not an attack and accept there is a
problem, and then both people need to be
willing to work it out. I know what you
mean though, it really sucks to think that
a relationship ended and you didn't even
realize something was wrong.
Judging by your post, are you sure you're
ready to really be friends yet? I think a
friendship can definetly work, but you
can't be trying to put things together or
wondering why it didn't work out. If
you're close you're going to have to deal
with him being with other girls and maybe
even him talking about them to you. If
you're not over this guy, don't put
yourself in a situation that will just
upset you. Get over the break up, then be
friends (Not trying to be mean, I've just
been through this myself and have had many
friends who made the mistake of being
friends with an ex too early ).
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Larlen
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 70 Location: New York, United States
Posted: 04-06-08 12:57pm
Thanks Maddie. I understand all that your
saying.
Well he said hello and I said hello and he
tried to have a conversation (walking with
me towards the direction I go home to) but
I just laughed weakly at whatever it was
he said and kept walking.
A part of me still wants to be friends -
maybe I will but let him be the one to
contact me (as in IMing me)
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Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 953 Location: , MN
Thanks: 29
Thanked:7
Posted: 04-06-08 14:11pm
Well just because you're not 100% ready to
be close friends now doesn't mean it will
never happen.
My ex and I are close friends on IM. We
talk to eachother when we have problems
but no so much just to hang out. He's a
close friend in a sense that I know I can
always go to him for advice or just to
vent about something thats making me
upset. He certainly knows I'm there for
him to do the same. Though we stopped
talking for a good couple of months after
we broke up.
Just give it time and take little baby
steps. Until you feel completely
comfortable being just friends then you
should be careful about when and where you
hang out.
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Aunt WeeWee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 158 Location: Amherst, VA, 24521
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-08-08 10:12am
I dnt see anythin wrong with bein friends
wit an ex if it dosnt effect you in
anyway. It might not be the easiest thing
to do. I was in a lil more then a 2 1/2
yrs relationship with my x, but before we
started dateing we was friends for about 8
months. We been broke up about 4 months
now, & we are still friends. We call
each other when we need someone to talk to
& every once in a while we hand out.
I'm still not over him yet, so it hurts
when we do hang out, cause i still want
the intament part of our relationship, but
i try 2 ignore it & face the fact that
he has moved on & we are just
friends.
So, no. I don't see the problem in bieing
friends with an ex!
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Hart74
Moderator
Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 510 Location: Woodlands (not like there are woods anywhere near) Garden City ,
Thanks: 7
Thanked:7
Posted: 05-08-08 10:22am
I guess there nothing wrong with being
friends just because the relationship
doesn't worked out with the two of you
doesn't meant friendship doesn't either.
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