My friend came to me when she was 17, saying that she felt trapped and that she didn't want to be with the guy she was with. She also said that he wouldn't leave her alone. She tried breaking up with him but he just wouldn't get it. She told me he would say things like "you're like a 12 year old little girl" and "I'm better than everyone", including me. He sent me a nasty anonymous message which really hurt me. I did make some mistakes in the past, but he was clearly jealous of me, and showed a very dark and "evil" side of himself. It was designed to hurt me and scare me. This is around the time my friend said she didn't want to be with him. But we didn't know he wrote the message at the time. It was a few months later when I figured it out (though I had immediate suspicions). She was very upset with him, though it seems she keeps forgiving him of very poor behavior. He told someone who talked to her in school similar things that he wrote to me. When he found out that I knew he sent the message, he apollogized and included things such as "I love her more than anything else in the world", and "I thought your were trying to steal my woman". I wanted to believe he was sincere, but when I look at the circumstances, something isn't clicking for me. Now's he's doing everything I'm doing. He's learning guitar and he wants to go into psychology (things I'm doing). And my friend has told me he's still not happy with me and that he still thinks I'm trying to steal her from him. Which, I guess given his actions, maybe I should (not really). I don't want to steal her. But I want to help her in any way I can, appropriately.

So, 6 months or so go by (after we discover he wrote the letter), and my friend is acting paranoid. She thinks people are talking bad about her, and don't like her. And she tells me nobody likes her boyfriend (the same guy). She says "I'll kill myself if I can't be with him". And around the same time she was pretending that a doll was real--very convincely. Saying "be careful, don't hurt it". When I almost sat on it once she said "NO!!!" really loud and was upset with me. She is 18 now and she is still pretending. She's been doing that for about 2-3 months (that I know of). One of my suspicions is that she got an abortion (her Father does not know about it if she did). She told me recently that she's not going out with him, yet he's still her best friend. Uhm. Yet, she's afraid he's cheating on her. Does this make sense? It seemed that she is too emotionally entrenched or "tied" to him. It just seems unhealthy. I want to help my friend, but I don't know how to. I never told of my suspicions of an abortion. She's just seemed very ashamed of something, and when I put all the pieces together, it makes sense. But I don't want to be judgmental of her. If I did bring it up, I would not be harsh. I would just try to understand.
I am somewhat old--25. I've known her for about 10 years, and I've fallen in love with her. But it hurts me to see her going through this. It may change her in ways that cannot be undone. I feel sick. Please give me some help. I hope that I am just being oversentive and that she's going through normal teenage stuff. But When I see it all playing out, I can't help but see the connections. He's a very intelligent man (he's about 19 or 20 I think). But that doesn't excuse him for being emotional unstable and maybe an abuse and controlling creep. I also feel maybe she is getting used to a bad situation and just getting 'used' to it. That hurts to think about too
Thanks.