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Found Wife having an online affair, I am heart broken

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April 25th, 2011
Hi Everyone,

I knew something was up with my wife, acting different. She had mentioned she was talking with a friend of hers on yahoo messenger. Well I decided to look in the yahoo log file section one night and found all the logs from the past 3 months of my wife chatting with another guy......

They meet up to have cyber sex / cam sex.... by the way he is married also. She mentions how he is her soulmate, thinking of ways to meet and for me not to know...the lust she has for him, how she thinks of him all the time, waits for his emails at work, cries over him....it was devastating to read. We have been married for 3 years, been together for 11 years and have a 1 year old daughter....and now she is going to throw all this away.

If someone can relate with me on here, I would love to chat, I have all the log files to show as proof.... I have all the discussions of how they want to be together, the sex talk everything....

I am heart broken, devastated and the sadness I feel for my daughter who will now probably end up in a broken home as I don't think this marriage will be saved as it seems I am not the one she loves.

Regards, Rob
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frozen_boyfriend
replied April 26th, 2011
Hi,

I'd be glad to chat with you. I think I am in an early stage of your problem, except that it's partially my fault.
My gf is interested in some guy she met at work and I can't have much of a grip of her feelings anymore. I expect anything to happen from now on and I don't know how I should react.

I posted something in here about this and a poster suggested that I don't run behind her like a puppy, as it will only annoy. I agree with that, but to some extend I don't want her to think I don't care either.
Though, she may not understand how much she cares until she loses you, so stepping back and saying that yes, you *are* able to leave and that she's not necessarily "safe" with you as a failback could trigger something. It's really lame but some people won't go through with their plans when they don't have a backup plan.

Wondering - does she know you're aware? Do you plan to let her know?
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robe1975
replied April 26th, 2011
@frozen_boyfriend

My wife does not know, I know, I am waiting for the right time to tell her. I am still deciding do I want to divorce her, can this be worked out etc.

I just know she will be stunned when I tell her, she will probably cry, say sorry, don't leave me etc. It will be an interesting night when I do tell her.
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frozen_boyfriend
replied April 26th, 2011
Idea: You could make her panic by leaving only that copy of the chat transcript open and minimized on the bottom of the screen (task bar). Next time she'll be on the computer, she'll notice that window and be speechless. You won't even need to walk behind her to tell her you know, she'll have to come to you and confess by herself. All you will have to do is quietly listen.

She'll definitely be mad at you for browsing through the chatting transcript, and you'll need to ask her if, seen by that content, she was really going to meet the guy and if she was planning to tell you, let alone afterwards. Sure, it's not good to browse around in someone else's privacy, but I think her wrong outweighs your wrong.
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robe1975
replied April 26th, 2011
well the guy she is talking with and wants to meet ( and not just meet and have a hug, it will be full out sex) is a guy from her past, not sure how long ago though, not stated in chat scripts.

I don't think I am wrong going through her chat scripts, never have done before but I knew something was up, with her acting differently.

I am not going to leave the log files up for her to see, when I tell her, it will be face to face.
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frozen_boyfriend
replied April 29th, 2011
I agree, it was low from me to suggest this. I apologize for proposing that idea.

Have you ever heard about this person? Did she mention him before?
I've come to understand that sometimes we can feel less attracted to someone, and it is okay as long as we can control the pulses and stop this on time; but honestly I think she's indeed gone too far.

Many things will be awkward at first, but I really hope you will, in time, find a way to handle this problem together.
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Jolt
replied April 29th, 2011
Hello Rob,

I cannot imagine the sadness you feel.

And honestly, I don't even know how to respond to this.

The only thing I can type now is that you deserve so much better.

Best of luck,
-Jolt
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