Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Found Wife having an online affair, I am heart broken

Hi Everyone,

I knew something was up with my wife, acting different. She had mentioned she was talking with a friend of hers on yahoo messenger. Well I decided to look in the yahoo log file section one night and found all the logs from the past 3 months of my wife chatting with another guy......

They meet up to have cyber sex / cam sex.... by the way he is married also. She mentions how he is her soulmate, thinking of ways to meet and for me not to know...the lust she has for him, how she thinks of him all the time, waits for his emails at work, cries over him....it was devastating to read. We have been married for 3 years, been together for 11 years and have a 1 year old daughter....and now she is going to throw all this away.

If someone can relate with me on here, I would love to chat, I have all the log files to show as proof.... I have all the discussions of how they want to be together, the sex talk everything....

I am heart broken, devastated and the sadness I feel for my daughter who will now probably end up in a broken home as I don't think this marriage will be saved as it seems I am not the one she loves.

Regards, Rob
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First Helper frozen_boyfriend
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replied April 26th, 2011
Hi,

I'd be glad to chat with you. I think I am in an early stage of your problem, except that it's partially my fault.
My gf is interested in some guy she met at work and I can't have much of a grip of her feelings anymore. I expect anything to happen from now on and I don't know how I should react.

I posted something in here about this and a poster suggested that I don't run behind her like a puppy, as it will only annoy. I agree with that, but to some extend I don't want her to think I don't care either.
Though, she may not understand how much she cares until she loses you, so stepping back and saying that yes, you *are* able to leave and that she's not necessarily "safe" with you as a failback could trigger something. It's really lame but some people won't go through with their plans when they don't have a backup plan.

Wondering - does she know you're aware? Do you plan to let her know?
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replied April 26th, 2011
@frozen_boyfriend

My wife does not know, I know, I am waiting for the right time to tell her. I am still deciding do I want to divorce her, can this be worked out etc.

I just know she will be stunned when I tell her, she will probably cry, say sorry, don't leave me etc. It will be an interesting night when I do tell her.
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replied April 26th, 2011
Idea: You could make her panic by leaving only that copy of the chat transcript open and minimized on the bottom of the screen (task bar). Next time she'll be on the computer, she'll notice that window and be speechless. You won't even need to walk behind her to tell her you know, she'll have to come to you and confess by herself. All you will have to do is quietly listen.

She'll definitely be mad at you for browsing through the chatting transcript, and you'll need to ask her if, seen by that content, she was really going to meet the guy and if she was planning to tell you, let alone afterwards. Sure, it's not good to browse around in someone else's privacy, but I think her wrong outweighs your wrong.
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replied April 26th, 2011
well the guy she is talking with and wants to meet ( and not just meet and have a hug, it will be full out sex) is a guy from her past, not sure how long ago though, not stated in chat scripts.

I don't think I am wrong going through her chat scripts, never have done before but I knew something was up, with her acting differently.

I am not going to leave the log files up for her to see, when I tell her, it will be face to face.
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replied April 29th, 2011
I agree, it was low from me to suggest this. I apologize for proposing that idea.

Have you ever heard about this person? Did she mention him before?
I've come to understand that sometimes we can feel less attracted to someone, and it is okay as long as we can control the pulses and stop this on time; but honestly I think she's indeed gone too far.

Many things will be awkward at first, but I really hope you will, in time, find a way to handle this problem together.
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replied April 29th, 2011
Hello Rob,

I cannot imagine the sadness you feel.

And honestly, I don't even know how to respond to this.

The only thing I can type now is that you deserve so much better.

Best of luck,
-Jolt
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replied June 22nd, 2013
My wife met a guy on twitter, who then played her on an online game. I warned her he was kind of grooming her, but to no avail.
I then discovered highly erotic messages between them discussing how they would meet and her "pegging" him and her wanting group sex. The detail was horrific and my heart is destroyed. The pain is beyond belief. 12 months down the line we are together but I cannot ever forget what she has done. Today for some reason I've started to consider divorce. I really do not know what to do
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replied July 3rd, 2013
My husband just got sent to Korea the first of June. Right before I went through his email and found him on two dating websites. I confronted him by telling him that my friend so his profile that way he wouldn't know that I secretly have his email password. Recently I checked his email and have found him on another website. He is under a different name and he is using his Korea address. I want to confront him but I also don't want him knowing I have his password bc then he will change it. He lied about the websites when I first caught him. We have been married for 8 months and we have a two month old. I have no clue what to do
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replied October 17th, 2016
best thing would be that you give your daughter a very good life, give her good memories, give her care, this way both of you will not feel the absence of your wife...
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replied November 5th, 2016
I don't know if anyone is still interested in this topic, seeing how the original post was a few years ago. But, I am a single woman (formerly married) and have been involved with many married men through Ashley Madison and regular dating sites. Here is the deal. Keep your relationship and marriage, especially if you have kids. You see, these "hot" relationships never last. The passion involved can only be experienced in the short term, where there are no other responsibilities. And, in EVERY single situation over the past 10 years - the men I've been involved with only want sex. They do NOT know how to have a relationship. Having sex with a married woman gives them the best of both worlds: the woman does not expect much outside of sex cause he is married too; or, if she does, I almost promise you everything will blow apart. Again, the men that cheat on these sites only want sex. They tell women otherwise so they can get sex. And, again, it only works because your wife is unavailable. Were she to get single, he would split because her expectations on him would change. If you don't believe me, create an online profile as a woman and poach a photo online of a female. Have several chats with these men and you will see a pattern in how they all behave. They try to be romantic, calling the woman "beautiful" and "sexy" etc. They talk about how much they want the woman. And frankly, who wouldn't like that type of desire? It is highly seductive. But, trust me on this - it is NOT real, the men's feelings are not real, and the affair will eventually bust up because your wife leaves you and becomes available, or because she puts pressure on the man to have a relationship. These men are incapable of that. So, where does that leave you? I'd confront my wife about what you found. Cry. And you should be feeling this way. Tell her you love her and want that type of intimacy in your marriage. Apologize for failing her. Do it. Show her you want to keep your marriage, no matter what. Now, she might not want to keep it - again, her head is in the clouds. And, maybe she needs a separation to watch her lover split. But, think of the long term here. Once he is gone, it could be an opportunity for the two of you to learn what the other person needs - again focus on her for now - and what you can do to make her world more romantic, sexy, and loving.
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replied November 21st, 2016
try to think what happened with yor relationship, where it went wrong, how much can you do to get it better, and talk to her.
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