Forgiveness of myself

I am struggling with much anxiety and depression over something which has happened 3 years ago. I have been married for 7 years and this situation came up in my 3rd year of marriage.

At the time, I thought I had a great relationship. My husband and I had mutual goals and loved each other dearly. However, my husband was spending a lot of time on the computer playing online games whilst I spent time chatting online and watching tv. I had not realised it but after a couple of months of this I had actually become complacent with the lack of communication and relationship input. I had put it down to me supporting my husband's online gaming as he really enjoyed it and saw it as a hobby and was something that made him really happy.

I realised afterwards that I had become very lonely and depressed and abandoned but had pushed aside these thoughts and feelings as not being 'real'.

Anyway, I made a bunch of new friends online and got myself a web camera as a bit of harmless fun. I started chatting to one man in particular who happened to be online when I was as well. I thought that it was fun and that I had a 'tv' buddy as all we did was chat and watch tv. My husband knew all about this person and vice versa. He waved to him online a few times & also added him to his msn chat. This person also had my mobile number and would send through the odd text message or phone call. Even my husband chatted with him for a couple of occasions.

After a couple of weeks of chatting to this person, one night, whilst watching tv and having a few drinks, the conversation went too far and with the video camera on, he did show his 'appendage' and began to masturbate. I hid under my doona and as I had felt very aroused, I touched myself in response. Instead of ending the conversation and 'friendship' there, I didn't. Instead, I felt very VERY guilty and ashamed as I never thought I would be 'that' sort of person. Also, after that initial innappropriate communication happened, I felt frightened and all I can describe my feelings is as though I had fallen out of the sky and back into my body with a jolt.

I spoke to this man for another couple of weeks. He attempted to start inappropriate conversations with me again twice to which I said no and even though I felt aroused again I told him seriously that he needed to stop. I felt as though I had been unfaithful to my husband, to our relationship and that I had cheated and that I had also been unfaithful to myself and to who I am. I stopped conversing with this man and told him that he was not a real friend as real friends do not try to break up other people's relationships.

I then immediately told my husband EVERYTHING. For some crazy reason, he has forgiven me and says that he loves me and that what happened was not an affair but was a dumb mistake. He also says that there is a lot of reasons about how this came up.

I proceeded to fall into a deep depression. I saw a doctor and was on anti depressants for 2 years. I have stopped the anti depressants about 9 months ago and since have been seeing a psychologist for about 4-5 months. The anti depressants stopped as we had discussed the idea of having a family together.

I now live in a world of hightened depression and anxiety and loathe myself for what I had done. My psych and my husband both see the situation as a mistake and a fantasy that went too far and not an affair. All I keep reading is that what I did have was an online/emotional affair and that I should neither forgive myself nor be with my husband.

I feel like I am never going to be able to recover from this and feel 'normal' once more. Is there any possibility that I will recover from this and grow in my marriage with my husband?