Well, I've known this girl for about a year. I'm gonna make a long story short because, my real question is what I'm doing as a result of the pain. Well, I've known her for for 4 years, but we've become very very close with the last year. I've never wanted anything so bad in my life, for a while year I've done nothing but think about her. My friend told me she had herpes and had given it to him so I ended up allowing myself to fall in love with a person and not try anything with her like make her my gf etc. I told her but she said she was afraid to get tested, broke up with her bf of 3 years to be with me but I did nothing. Well she got with someone else, and a month ago got tested for STDs and turned out my friend had lied about the whole thing, she was clean. Well, she's leaving to go to her home country of Russia in a month and I was going to ask her out, knowing how much we really belong to each other..I've never met anyone that I connect with so perfectly..we truly are soul mates :p we know everything about each other from the things we do in our sleep, just everything. Well, she's now pregnant, just found out a few days ago. My entire world was just shattered, that she's having kids with a man who for one, has nothing to do with his first 2 kids (his parents have full custody, he rarely sees them), he has no teeth and they live in pretty much a condemned house. My entire world is just shattered. I don't want to believe any of it. Well, I just got my income tax back, and have spent 800 dollars on drugs already this weekend. It started with me buying 100 dollars worth of crack and some weed to roll a combined crack and weed joints (primos), the next night I bought crack and smoked it straight, and last night it culminated with me shooting crack and heroin with another guys needle. He only said he could promise me that he didn't have aids, anything else he does not know. And now it's sunday night..I'm devastated now about everything in my life and now might possibly have a blood disease. That was the first time I have shot anything, he looked healthy. What are the chances I could have something, what could this mean for me and what do I do? I just don't know what to do, I'm still a virgin and I really thought I was going to be with this girl for the rest of my life, I know she would have said yes without thought in fact, when I told her I don't want to be friends any more she just dropped to her knees and started crying and holding me, saying you don't love me anymore etc..it truly is the most devastating thing either one of us have been through I'm fairly confident about this, now I have such huger things to worry about and just don't know what to do

She told me that 'if I loved her I would know how much she needs me to stand by her side' etc etc on and on, saying she felt like she had physically been stabbed. But I can't watch her mother the baby of a man who has no teeth, lives in a such a dumpy condemned house with 3 big dogs, doesn't have anything to do with his kids now, I mean seriously I can't continue to be her best friend, so in love with her, willing to give my life for her when she's going to have this man's baby. At the same time, cutting her out of my life would like be taking my life, I just don't know if I could do it. And now I've officially gotta worry about doing it dirty needles, which I didn't bother to clean or anything. I was so trashed on some bacardi 151 that I truly did not give a caca..I just wanted to get as high as I could get. Wow I just can't even say anything else, I feel like a zombie now, no purpose in life no nothing. I have no friends, am in a very very shaky mental state, now broke and unemployed when I just 6 months had my own business and was making pretty good money. Where do I go now?