First true love, no chance Posted: 05-11-08 19:12pm
Well, I've known this girl for about a
year. I'm gonna make a long story short
because, my real question is what I'm
doing as a result of the pain. Well, I've
known her for for 4 years, but we've
become very very close with the last year.
I've never wanted anything so bad in my
life, for a while year I've done nothing
but think about her. My friend told me she
had herpes and had given it to him so I
ended up allowing myself to fall in love
with a person and not try anything with
her like make her my gf etc. I told her
but she said she was afraid to get tested,
broke up with her bf of 3 years to be with
me but I did nothing. Well she got with
someone else, and a month ago got tested
for STDs and turned out my friend had lied
about the whole thing, she was clean.
Well, she's leaving to go to her home
country of Russia in a month and I was
going to ask her out, knowing how much we
really belong to each other..I've never
met anyone that I connect with so
perfectly..we truly are soul mates :p we
know everything about each other from the
things we do in our sleep, just
everything. Well, she's now pregnant, just
found out a few days ago. My entire world
was just shattered, that she's having kids
with a man who for one, has nothing to do
with his first 2 kids (his parents have
full custody, he rarely sees them), he has
no teeth and they live in pretty much a
condemned house. My entire world is just
shattered. I don't want to believe any of
it. Well, I just got my income tax back,
and have spent 800 dollars on drugs
already this weekend. It started with me
buying 100 dollars worth of crack and some
weed to roll a combined crack and weed
joints (primos), the next night I bought
crack and smoked it straight, and last
night it culminated with me shooting crack
and heroin with another guys needle. He
only said he could promise me that he
didn't have aids, anything else he does
not know. And now it's sunday night..I'm
devastated now about everything in my life
and now might possibly have a blood
disease. That was the first time I have
shot anything, he looked healthy. What are
the chances I could have something, what
could this mean for me and what do I do? I
just don't know what to do, I'm still a
virgin and I really thought I was going to
be with this girl for the rest of my life,
I know she would have said yes without
thought in fact, when I told her I don't
want to be friends any more she just
dropped to her knees and started crying
and holding me, saying you don't love me
anymore etc..it truly is the most
devastating thing either one of us have
been through I'm fairly confident about
this, now I have such huger things to
worry about and just don't know what to do
She told me that 'if I loved her I would
know how much she needs me to stand by her
side' etc etc on and on, saying she felt
like she had physically been stabbed. But
I can't watch her mother the baby of a man
who has no teeth, lives in a such a dumpy
condemned house with 3 big dogs, doesn't
have anything to do with his kids now, I
mean seriously I can't continue to be her
best friend, so in love with her, willing
to give my life for her when she's going
to have this man's baby. At the same time,
cutting her out of my life would like be
taking my life, I just don't know if I
could do it. And now I've officially gotta
worry about doing it dirty needles, which
I didn't bother to clean or anything. I
was so trashed on some bacardi 151 that I
truly did not give a caca..I just wanted
to get as high as I could get. Wow I just
can't even say anything else, I feel like
a zombie now, no purpose in life no
nothing. I have no friends, am in a very
very shaky mental state, now broke and
unemployed when I just 6 months had my own
business and was making pretty good money.
Where do I go now?
|
Kriegster
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 May 2008 Posts: 2
Posted: 05-11-08 22:49pm
It just hurts so bad, I've never really
had any real friends, parents were
extremely abusive (I got beat with large
tools lol), and 3 years ago, the only
person up until that time I considered a
friend beat me almost to death with a pipe
while I was sleeping. I woke up in the
hospital with my face literally torn off,
no lower lip etc not knowing what was
going on. I just want to know what it
feels like to be loved and have a life
companion etc Too bad I
just don't think at this point in my life
I can ever get back to anything like that
I've been very very badly betrayed by
everyone in my life, parents, friend(s?),
my twin sister ruined my high school life
by starting reputations about me :p It was
okay though because I just became a
computer geek, and now I feel I'm
extremely extremely intelligent in the IT
field, and I've been working out and have
lost over 100 lbs because I thought this
would help, you know I look good I'm in
good health (Well my body is in almost tip
top shape :p ) and I thought this would be
all I needed to easily start talking to
people: A good looking nerd with a solid
body and big muscles etc etc HA but seriously
I'm nothing, I have nothing, I've never
had anything though but my mind is in a
darker place than anyone could imagine to
be real let alone what's actually
happening in my head. I havent' slept all
weekend and I've taken 8 sleeping pills
and am WIDE awake WHATS WRONG WITH
ME?!?
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 05-13-08 11:26am
Ok, first off, were you doing drugs before
you bought all the crack and weed? Second,
why on earth would you not want to be
around her anymore? If you love her, even
though she is pregnant by some guy with no
teeth and will most likely want nothing to
do with the child, why wouldn't you just
be *with* her? If your connection is as
much as you say then help her raise the
baby. If your not sared to take it on, be
the babies father. Don't jump into it head
first but maybe date for a bit then if
things are fine get intoa commited
relationship with each other. You need to
start thinking more positively and looking
at things a little different.
Question:If you were so in love with this
girl before, why didn't you just go for
it?
|
Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1122 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 16
Thanked:5
Posted: 05-19-08 12:34pm
ok the first thing you need to do is get
off the drugs. They will not help you get
your head and life back together. They
will only take you deeper and deeper. Once
you do that you can start to peice
everything else back together again.
Seriously man, drugs make every situation
worse. It might feel good and your so high
you cant feel the pain, but once they are
gone and worn off you will feel worse than
you ever have.
Next why cant you be with her? She loves
you and you love her...so whats the
problem. Were you a couple when she got
pregnant? If not then dont let that get in
the way of how you feel. Even though shes
having someones elses baby does not mean
she doesnt love you. Talk to her. See what
she wants for her and her baby. She may
want you there. And why not be there?
Clear your head and talk with her. Im sure
if you love eachother you can work it out.
Your both not in the best situation but
your love for eachother can get you
through.
Too bad I
just don't think at this point in my life
I can ever get back to anything like that
I've been very very badly betrayed by
everyone in my life, parents, friend(s?),
my twin sister ruined my high school life
by starting reputations about me :p It was
okay though because I just became a
computer geek, and now I feel I'm
extremely extremely intelligent in the IT
field, and I've been working out and have
lost over 100 lbs because I thought this
would help, you know I look good I'm in
good health (Well my body is in almost tip
top shape :p ) and I thought this would be
all I needed to easily start talking to
people: A good looking nerd with a solid
body and big muscles etc etc 
HA but seriously
I'm nothing, I have nothing, I've never
had anything though but my mind is in a
darker place than anyone could imagine to
be real let alone what's actually
happening in my head. I havent' slept all
weekend and I've taken 8 sleeping pills
and am WIDE awake 
WHATS WRONG WITH
ME?!? 
