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First and second time sex pain

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I just recently lost my virginity and the first time hurt a lot. It was almost unbearable so I told him to stop. Then we did it again that same day and I just took the pain. He was kinda going a little hard and he said I was really tight. Plus I kept tightening up on him because it hurt me so bad. Then the next day we had sex again and it felt the same, a little bit better but basically the same pain.
It's weird because I never masturbate with my fingers because when I do when I get to a certain point, it hurts. I was sore for about a day after the second time we had sex. It's like it hurt constantly when he was doing that and I'm worried. I think I might have vaginismus but I also dont think I have it because this is just my 2nd time having sex and I never used tampons and things like that before. I'm really worried that it is going to hurt forever when I have sex. The point is not that it hurts when I have sex it's just that it still hurts and the pain doesnt just wear off or stop when we're having sex, it's really constant. I didnt bleed the first time we had sex but the second time I bled just a little, not even really noticable though.
Can somebody please tell me what is wrong
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First Helper mahjabeen
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replied July 17th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Relax

When you expect pain, you get pain. When you clench your muscle (like you're holding pee) then anything thats going in is going to hurt because its going against the muscles. Did you use lube? Did you do enough foreplay beforehand?

Try masturbating on your own by inserting your finger(s). Use lots of lube and just practice relaxing your muscles while your fingers are inside. Once you can do that then explore what feels good.

Next time your guy enters you, just take a minute with zero movement, just so you can get used to the feel of him being there and relax. If you can't relax, then stop-- do not for any reason just sit through painful sex.

If none of this works, then speak with a doctor. Since you're now having sex its a good time for a pelvic exam anyways.
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Users who thank Maddie34 for this post: ChikaKiiMadoka 

replied July 17th, 2008
Maddie34 wrote:
Relax

When you expect pain, you get pain. When you clench your muscle (like you're holding pee) then anything thats going in is going to hurt because its going against the muscles. Did you use lube? Did you do enough foreplay beforehand?

Try masturbating on your own by inserting your finger(s). Use lots of lube and just practice relaxing your muscles while your fingers are inside. Once you can do that then explore what feels good.

Next time your guy enters you, just take a minute with zero movement, just so you can get used to the feel of him being there and relax. If you can't relax, then stop-- do not for any reason just sit through painful sex.

If none of this works, then speak with a doctor. Since you're now having sex its a good time for a pelvic exam anyways.



We didnt use lube and we didnt have any foreplay before. When I do insert my own fingers it hurts that way too for some reason. It's just like when I reach a certain point, which isnt very far at all it just hurts a lot it kinda stings.
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replied July 17th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
No lube or foreplay? :shocked:

That would be painful for anyone! Ouchies!
When you insert your own fingers, you need lube as well.

You need to have foreplay and you need lube during sex. If you're not aroused the your vagina will feel tight and dry and that will cause pain.
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replied July 17th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Never put anything dry inside of your vagina!! Ouch!!
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replied August 1st, 2009
i feel exactly the same i mean the first time ouch the second time i did it in the same day i bleed but when i use my fingers i dnt feel anything...and when he did it,it just hurted it didnt feel good half way through or nothing it just hurted i mean my friends tell me all the time it feels good half way through but it didnt and im kinda worried help please...
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replied November 6th, 2009
i had my first sex yesterday and the pain was like pressure inside me thn he put me on my hands n knees and it felt alot better

we did foreplay(lickout,handjob,fingering)

i bled aswell and it wasn't alot
the pain wears off like half way through n feels nice.

hope i helped lol xx
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replied September 19th, 2011
I felt the same way n still have questions too
I had sex for the first time 3 months ago and it hurted just like the girl said but I didn't bleed but now I want to have sex again and I'm afraid that I might bleed and that it might hurt but since the first time I been getting fingered and I fingered myself but I want the second time to be better than the first time
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replied December 2nd, 2011
I agree, My first time we didn't use lube nor did we foreplay or did he go slow...he just jump straight into it and let me tell you it HURT!!!! I tried relaxing but couldn't and it felt like every time I did relax it hurt worst and I would tighten back up. So, now I know to make sure next time to use lube or if not then lots of foreplay.................
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replied December 11th, 2011
bleeding
i have sex with my boyfriend and first time i got bleeding know am getting marrying with another person did he now am virgin or not virgin.in second time also while having sex with my husband can i have bleeding plz answer me am in tension
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replied June 10th, 2014
i hav the same prob dear..... i couldn't understand what to do....
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replied February 15th, 2012
All about vagina pain
OK. SO let me explain that. There are several kinds of hurting you can experience.
1st: When your hymen is stretched (e.g. by inserting penis or finger). It is usually sharp itchy pain. Hymen does not actually hurts it is connection between hymen and your vagina. Where skin connects. After first sex, your hymen tends to tear a little or more. This hymen needs to be torn at least enough to let penis or fingers pas through without being stressed/stretched or pulled. The thing is that sometimes it is continuously stretched and that connection than hurts. This happens when hymen is still in your opening - it can be just a little peace. It can be solved by tearing it either set by step during regular intercourse, either by using something bigger (bigger penis, dildo, 2 fingers and penis of previous partner). Even afterwards this surrounding connection will remain in your vagina, not causing pain during penetration of objects you are used to. If you for example later after few years engage to vaginal fisting you fill pass the same way of defloration (providing you haven't had a baby yet). There will be this kind of hurting presented together with possible blending. But it will happen just once. I am not encouraging you to fisting I am just saying that to give you better example how it works.

2nd pain is pain of spot.
There are certain spots that hurts. It's very individual. It is usually stubby pain felt farer inside your vagina/belly/body. It is normal and healthy to have such points. E.g: pressing cervix, around cervix. upper G-spot point. These points explain why some positions hurts you and for others are very pleasant.

3th:
the hurt of "over" expansion. Here are two basic kinds. 3a: Pain from entrance expansion. 3b pain from inside expansion.
Both are presented as burning. Although 3a: burning is introduced with itchy pain like during 1st kind of pain (defloration). 3b: Pain is pure burning pain. these pain can are connected to child birth when a baby is passing birth canal. It can be also experienced in light form during fisting. Some people enjoy it a little the others no. If you are willing you can try expand a hand inside a vagina a little; 3b pain will arise.

I hope I explain it enough. I did my best to avoid any medical language.

Take care.
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replied October 29th, 2012
for how long do dese pain exists??
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replied March 12th, 2012
Okies firstly big no no do not let him ram you! no wonder it hurt you i mean your first time at hasving sex and he's going in hard? dosen't your fella understand about girls and their feelings??? anyways's yes so don't let him go in hard that is cruel and very painful anddddd if he tears you it's dangerous because it can lead to all sorts of pains ie same as what your having now i know because my ex did this to me and the result? well i stoped having sex with him and left him, if your fella can't respect you to take first time sex slowly well i'm sorry but what a cruel man.
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replied March 21st, 2012
Will it hurt the second time i have sex?
I just lost my virginity on Saturday ( St. Patrick's Day) Since its my first time, Of course I expected it to hurt, it hurt soo badd! 15 to 20 mins. after sex i noticed some lights blood spots on my undies, i think it was the result of my "cherry" being popped. No biggie, what really worried me is if its gonna hurt the second time too?? I told him to go slow on the first time, he got it halfway in wasn't very pleasurable... but i did noticed my vagina stretched and was sore afterwards.. i just wanna know if its gonna hurt the 2nd time i do it.. because we plan to do it again. Thanks!
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replied March 21st, 2012
I just lost my virginity on Saturday ( St. Patrick's Day) Since its my first time, Of course I expected it to hurt, it hurt soo badd! 15 to 20 mins. later i noticed some lights blood spots on my undies, i think it was the result of my "cherry" being popped. No biggie, what really worried me is if its gonna hurt the second time too?? I told him to go slow on the first time, he got it halfway in wasn't very pleasurable... but i did noticed my vagina stretched and was sore afterwards.. i just wanna know if its gonna hurt the 2nd time i do it.. because we plan to do it again. Thanks!
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replied July 20th, 2012
It hurts.
I lost my virginity a week now and did it again two days after that but I was drunk and we did foreplay and he wore a condom and we did it basically all missionary positions and doggy but it felt fine we both didn't cum!!! I'm lying in bed now next to my Boyfriend and we tried to have sex but the first time it hurt like hell but I was like this is normal and it didn't last long because he cummed very fast and than the second time I couldn't feel the pain because I was drunk.....Now tonight we decided to but once he was slowly putting it in my eyes swelled up and I nearly started crying the pain was excruciating!!! I didn't bleed the first time but the second time I did but there wasn't that much!!! We did foreplay tonight as well so ofcourse I was wet and stuff......I'm actually worried something is wrong???
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replied October 28th, 2012
I've been trying for 2 weeks to have intercourse with my boyfriend. A couple of nights ago we finally broke the barrier, and it hurt, A LOT. It felt like I was being stabbed in the vagina... with a penis, lol. He was only partially in for a few seconds before I couldn't stand the pain anymore and had to stop. I bled a lot after, and 2 days later my vagina is still a little sore. We're going to try again, next time I'll use more lube (aside from the lubricated condom) and we'll increase the foreplay. (I'lll probably have a few glasses of wine to relax also).
Thanks for the suggestions!!
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replied November 21st, 2012
First time issues
My boyfriend is pressuring me about the whole sex thing. I mean im only 14, and im just very scared to have sex based on the things people have told me and that i have read. He said the first time hurts and thats it. And he said before there must be foreplay but the thing is im really self concious about my body and cant get past the thoughts going through my head. Like, "is this normal looking?" or "how bad does it actually hurt?" or "is the emotional side of losing your virginity overbearing?" these are the things that are really getting to me and my boyfriend. & i always feel bad when turning him down to my own self insecurities. I need some personal advice. Help! Also by the way, it makes it difficult because he is a grade older than me and a lot more expirenced, and im totally on another level and i feel like he just doesnt understand my concerns.. Any good advice to my questions??
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replied November 27th, 2012
scaredgirl199 - Hi there, I've went through the same thing at a similar age to you and my first AND second time were very painful but that was because I didn't really know anything about sex and had a very tough hymen. The latter of those reasons is different for every girl (if you are like myself expect to bleed a bit, its normal). The former can be easily rectified by doing research before hand! Honestly please stop worrying!

As a general rule most people will tell you if a guy pushes you into it he isn't worth it. However my boyfirend did and two years later we are still together and very happy so that isn't always true. You have to judge his reasons for pushing you yourself, but whatever happens don't go along with it if you don't want to! If you are worried about it you won't relax and then it will REALLY hurt! I wish I had waited so thats my advice to you, trust me it would be so much better for both of you if you cared about each other first....

However if you are like me and you plough on and do it anyway here is the best advice I can give you....

1. Practice oral sex a couple of times first it'll help you get comfortable taking your clothes of with him (he may also be self conscious believe it or not!) and will get you familier with ''what looks normal'' etc

2. He is totally right loads of foreplay!!!! Also lube and a condom (no matter what form of birth control you are on) will make it easier

3. For me losing my virginity wasn't that emotional, it depends what kind of a person you are, how much you like him etc but it doesn't have to have an over bearing emotional side. Remember its just another experience the universe has to offer and it can be a lot of fun!!! It can also be extremely loving depending on where you are with him.

4. Don't feel bad about turning him down, since you are younger and less experienced you should do it on your terms not his.

5. Don't rely on him to know what he is doing even if he says he is experienced, seriously honey, boys don't have a clue!

So I hope some of that helps, always remember be safe, relaxed, talk to him about all your insecurities (if you cant do that you aren't ready to have sex with him), don't stress, hold on until you are definately ready, and don't assume your first time will be like anyone elses! Also you may not get that much pleasure the first time, don't be afraid that will come with practice (or it could come the first time if you get things right!!). Good Luck! Smile
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