Hello,

I've been loosing weight - about 12 lbs in past 4 weeks. I will go to family doctor to have that checked out, I think its my TMJ, but I have general feeling of malaise, chills, sweats... body feels like it's undergoing ongoing infection with cold or flu virus. Often, my leg joints hurt too.


Out of nowhere, almost 2 years into the TMJ issue, another problem for me to face is sublingual area (gland?) inflammation/mass/lump. Also, a nodule (pimple like, but with some tender mass inside, it is mobile, not attached to the bone).


So, today I saw ENT doctor again for second time and felt embarrassed because I didn't take the prescribed CT scan of the neck (with contrast). So the doctor once again insisted that I am going to have this ASAP.


This nodule is on the mandible wall, not lip, so the doctor told me that she sees them on lips with improper healing, but in the area of mine, no injury occured and I did not poke or scratch. So then we thought that it might be the salivary duct which is inflamed. We left of naming it as "possible fibroma of unknown cause".

I did read up about nodules in the book I have, it says that it is common to develop especially of some dental work didn't go as planned, and also possibly due to chronic inflamation of the area which I do have - it feels like burned, but overall not too tender or painful to touch.


So here I am, hoping this is going to be benign, and hopefully pray that whatever is does not increase in size. One possible reason is having stone in the salivary duct, in that case it should be easy to fix.

Dr noted "submandibular saliadenitis" as dx code (diagnosis) and also asked me to have a hearing test. There was bilateral sinus some kind of thing too, so he is not rulling out that sinuses might be contributing to some of my pains. There are some cyst in the now infamous right side (where everything happens) sinus.

I started going to gym again, after 30 days brake due to harsh weather and extreme jaw pain. Yesterday I felt OK, today I just layed in bed for most post but then decided that I need to go to gym every day to establish a pattern, and then if I deviate from this pattern, it would be good indicator that something isn't going well. I love exercise, it's just the matter of managing the pain and staying focus.

As I was in gym whoever, I realized, that I am no longer like anybody else. Realizing that this TMJ problem if not yet, then will cause tremendous changes in who I am. My sense of self, my image of self has already shifted - knowing that my character, my personality is changing due to chronic pain. If it is not pain, then the medicines have substantial cognitive impact. So here I was, looking at guys my age, playing basketball, laughing out loud - at that time I realized that it will be hard to back to where I once was - an athlete during my elementary and middle school.

This decease is serious. And it is hard to come to terms with it, as it might progress, even worse, one might simple get used and live and adapt.
It was painful and almost made me cry, saying to myself -

I was,
but no more.
I did, but no more,
I will, but when,
will I ever be same?

I am at the point of spending some time daily meditating on the fact that our bodies are tempeorary, and they will brake down earlier or later. Never in my mind I could have imagined that such debilitating, incapacitating condition would grasp me into her claws.
It's difficult to agree to this, as being 25, you except to have all the energy needed, you except to be able to work and even help your family, and now, it's the other way around - I am thinking of moving back with my mother as I am often so sick that I do not cook, or even if I do, do not eat food.


It's a struggle to realize that we are not in control of the aging process, and deterioration of our structural units that supports us - our bodies.