Katie,
Although it may be hard to believe right now, there is a solution to the seemingly hopeless situation you find yourself in. I remember when I was in exactly the same way physically and emotionally. In my mind there was no hope of ever kicking the addiction, and could not imagine living without using something to alter the way I felt normally. In fact, it had been so long since I had been clean and sober, that I had forgotten what normal felt like.
First, Fentanyl may possibly be the most powerful derivation of opium known to medicine. Therefore the addiction and the tolerance associated with long-term use will require medical assistance to address. As you already know, there can be life-threatening consequences if a person doesn't get appropriate medical attention.
I think I remember your saying that your friends and family are aware of your problem. If you have decided that you are ready to make a commitment to get clean and stay clean, you want to recruit these people to be an active part of your support team. You never have to use again, but you cannot stay clean alone. I have never known anyone who is a real addict who can find a solution alone.
Ask your parents or a trusted family member to see your doctor with you. Your doctor may prescribe detox medications to help you with the withdrawal symptoms. The first step in recovery is based on honesty. It will be important that your friends and family know exactly what your doctor has prescribed for you. You will also want to give your medication to a trusted family member to administer to you at the appropriate time and in the appropriate doses to help you avoid the same temptation that lead to your original addiction to Fentanyl.
I won't be dishonest with you. Even with the detox medication, you will feel discomfort while your body becomes accustomed to being without the drug. There may be times when you are tempted to use again, but remember that if you use again you will be right back where you started and probably even worse. Worse than that, after prolonged use and repeated attempts to stop, the drug will actually stop working. Your body will still require the drug but you will no longer experience the euphoria that lead you to use again and again anyway. That's called, "Feeding the Beast." That's when you can't stop using but you can't get high any more. That is truly a nightmare. And some people never get to that point because they die trying to get that elusive high that never comes again.
There are some people who may disagree with the manner in which I have approached the response to your inquiry. However, I have been in your situation and been lucky enough to live through detox and find happiness in while living clean and sober. Unfortunately I've watched too many young people like you die because they either could not or would not get help.
If you are an addict of my variety, you have only one choice. If I were you I would swallow my pride and just say HELP. As one of the other responders suggested, go to the link for Narcotics Anonymous and start attending meetings. You will be surprised by the number of people just like you who have kicked and never gone back. Listen to their stories and do what they tell you to do. Stick with the winners and you will be fine.
If you put some work into your recovery you will be amazed before you are halfway through the process of putting your life on track. When you get it together, don't forget to share your experience, strength and hope with others. Hope is the best gift anyone can give to an addict.
Gook luck and may you find the peace and happiness your creator intended for you. Whether you believe in God or the Force of the universe, there is a power out there somewhere that has a purpose for Katie.
