Hi, im new to this site. I am 28 years old and currently dating a 30 year old female with bipolar. She has been on medication for the disorder for 15 years. I have been going out with laura for 14 months now and we do not live together. I am in the uk air force and just signed up well about a year ago and live on base and she lives with her mum and sister. She has had long term relationships before but they have ended in the past with the bfs cheating on her etc and I am her 3rd long term bf. I love her very much, she is stunning, kind, generous, helpful and when things are good they are good. Now I have never looked into this bipolar condition much, and it took her about a week when we started dating for her to tell me, but it didnt bother me. I thought I would be able to battle through and as long as she takes her meds she should be ok..Now im quite a stubborn person and can be quite argumentative and have learnt from previous relationships to control this and it makes me better person, so I would be classed as quite chilled out now I would say! In are relationship it started with her arguing with me over silly tiny things, even though I knew I was right about something and she may even knew I was right she would still argue and argue until we would just get pissed off or she would get into a minor state and I would tell her to calm and she would say she is calm in a erratic behaviour. This is just minor things that started to happen. I got used to this, but it happened a lot and I would always think that its her disorder that makes her do this. Wheres if I ever said to her it was her disorder she would flip....Another thing that used to upset her was the fact I had quite a high sex drive and obv bipolar people dont unless there on a high...so this would cause problems, but I got over this. There was a stage when she wanted to brake up as she thought I wanted sex to much and she couldnt cope and that she said we argued a lot. Now I didnt think we argued a lot, as the arguments would just be minor little things but guess she thought this was serious wheres I didnt. Over the past 6 months and it happens about every 2 months, she get into stage where something will happen. For e.g. I may be texting her to much during a day and she may be at work or with a friend shopping and she may say I am suffocating her or coming across needy....now I dont think I am doing this, but it blows up and then she will say that she has had enough and that she cant deal with it any more and that she wants to be left alone. No ringing, no texting. I find this hard as I obv want to sort the problem out and I guess normal functional couples would do this but I guess this is a bipolar thing that they want to be shut away from you for a week or have no contact. When she pushes me away like this it really upsets me and makes me feel depressed and paranoid. As I want to know whats wrong and how we can fix it. I forgot to mention she loves me very much etc and has told me she would marry me if I ever asked her and that she wants to live with me etc and have holidays together. Another massive argument was the fact I would love to have children and were not getting any younger and this stressed her out again as obv she would have to come off meds for 9 months and there chance the baby could have it etc...so I think I may have gone off this idea....and she says she hates children....i would love children but she has also said she would never say never. She often suggested having a dog would be a better solution!! Ok so every couple months we have these stressful stages where she blocks off contact, says we should brake up or have a break and then about week later we give it another go...Well to cut a long story short...about ten days ago we both were invited to her cousins wedding so i drove the 300 mile trip and we went to this and had a lovely 4 day trip with her dads family up north and it was great!! on the journey home she was snapping with me over little things so this put her in a mood. She went home and the next day we planned to go to the beach so we did and it was lovely weather and she was snapping with me allday....but the day was good, went home and the next day she went out with her best friend, not during the day something happened she said I was being to needy and texting her a lot I wasnt texting her a lot! And she said that she had had enough and couldnt cope any more. She told me not to bother contacting her for a week no calls or texts....i continued to text her in the evening, with no reply and in the morning I called her and she flipped out sounding incredibly scary on the phone like out of a horror film. She said to respect her and not to contact her as I am pushing her away. Im obv thinking this is it its blatantly over she isnt going to come back from this.....so im just not going to text her now....or call her.....and wait for the phone call this isnt working you dont understand me....etc lets brake up....Now everyone who I work with have told me to get rid of her and also close friends have said the same that I deserve better etc.....now I love this girl and she loves me, but im wondering if this is ever going to work...when she flips out as well like when we went for the wedding and have a great 5 or 6 days together then on the last day something goes wrong she then says she has had enough that we have been in to much company for to long (6 days) I turn round and say if you cant deal with 6 days how do you expect to live with me? And when she was in down mood the other day she said she doesnt think she can live with me.....now I have portrayed this relationship as doom and gloom and that we shouldnt be together, but there are happy times and I wouldnt be in the relationship if didnt think it could work. Over the past yeah and half she has also been eating a lot and putting on lot of weight going from size 10 to 16uk so ow she dieting like hell eating little and this is a strain on the relationship to. I want it to work so much but I have being in this situation where I dont know where I stand cant contact her as she says if I do im pushing her away....I also read just now that 90% of bipolar marriages dont last....great fact to read there :(
I forgot to say my parents never see this side to her, her dad who lives away and step mum never see this side to her, her friends rarely see this side to her but she doesnt have great deal of friends. but her mum who she has been living with and sister fight like hell and she hates living in the house with her mother and sister and they barely talk.....so from what i can see right now the main people effected by her condition are myself and her mum and sister who live with her....
she said something very odd last week to, i hadnt seen her for three weeks as had been working on base for long period and returned and she said to me that she takes me for granted and she doesnt treat me right and that she is horrible to me and that she is going to change the way she treats me....this lasted all of 5 days....
I just dont know what to do? I love her so much....but think it has blown over so much now she cant cope or is going to say shes tried but just needs to be single.....if she says this should I just take it like a man and walk away?
Anyone with any experience on a female with bipolar and relationships and if any of this sounds familiar please reply.
I have had experience with dating a bipolar and even wanting to spend my life with her. I can only speak to my experience and this in no way reflects ALL women with bipolar.
Long term relationships are difficult for some women with bipolar. They cycle from severe depression to hypomaina. You never knw what will trigger it. In my case with my ex, it was stress and weather. She was frequently angry when stressed, and as winter set in, she would enter a hypomania. Some characteristics you may find are the references to "cheating" or harmful ex's. Which, in some cases may be true, however, some bipolar women are masters of manipulation. Especially ones who have had the illness for quite some time. They will play what I like to to call the "feel sorry for me" card...tell you how awful their ex was. In truth, the ex may be the sweetest guy ever who was blindsided by a hypomaina. Cheating was common with my ex... hypomania caused hypersexuality. She would seek out partners and then leave. Unsafe sex practices were common. Paranoia... she would accuse me of cheating when I clearly wasn't. She also accused me of "hacking" her accounts in various things which I had to then get help to prove I didn't. As I said, this is not indicitive of ALL bipolars, this is only my experience. My advice is, if you love her, be patient with her, but, keep in mind it may not be a lasting relationship. Bipolars take a lot of patience...and they can be quite the drain on you emotionally and physically. It's been 7 months since my ex and I have spoken (although we work together and see each other daily), I'm just now getting to where I feel like a version of my old self. Do some thinking... it's much harder on you the longer it goes on after they've gone. Hope some of this helped, sorry if some spooked you... ultimately, you have to decide what you are willing to tolerate and how much you are willing to give. Good Luck
Excellent post. Alimartin I would be careful with your gf. Since you aren't living together there is no way to know whether she has cheated on you or not. Many bipolar people believe that manic sex isn't sex even though we all know different.
RoyalPayne your ex was much like mine - I think she talks bad about all her ex's even if they were nice guys and she left because of hypomania. When I first met her at 18 it was her dad who she would bad mouth. She is always playing the victim role and always looking for a new guy to sympathize with her during hypomania.
she says she would never cheat on me and if she felt she was going to get with somebody she would brake up with me first....she has said that her exs have beaten her in the past....but have all cheated on her....and she has found out....i dont think she is cheater....although i know a guy alot older who likes her as read her bbm messenger and he made it clear if shes ever brakes up with me he would lie to be with her and she just "lol" him back but at other times we been out drinking together with her mates and hes there at end of night ive said think he fancys you and shes always flipped out and it caused a 5 day brake etc.......i think h does like her, but not sure what she wants i dont know
And if that is true... why be with her? I am a woman, and if I love you, nobody would matter but you. I abhor people that play with amothers emotions. It isn't fair and life is too short. You need to move on from this girl. I'm sorry, but she is bad news. You must believe, "YOU DESERVE BETTER".
she tried ending it today, saying she cant see a future as we argue all the time...i dont think we argue hat much, she tends to fight with me over silly things...guess what i need to do is come to conclusion whteher your right or wrong dont argue with women!!
then she said lets meet up friday so going to see what happens head f**k is not the word!!
Hello I'm 21 and I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and she has all the bipolar symptoms but won't accept she could or is bipolar. She had only just started taken medicine about 1 year ago but has now stopped as she don't think they are helping her. We have been living with each other for about 2 years now and I must admit the months leading up to her taken tablets was so hard to deal with. Before she had tablets she was angry all the time, I could never do anything without her having a go at me and mood swings was all over the place. From what you have said about what your gf has done or doing is nearly identical to my gf so your not a lonely boat on this. I have packed my bags and gone home to my mums once before to then have her saying how sorry she was and wanted me back. Lucky for me my gf mum has bipolar but she has found medication that keeps her level and act normal. I personally think that it is all down to finding the correct medication as there are so many different ones that affect people differently. Currently my gf is starting to get the mood swings and always thinks I'm lying or when I go out I'm going to cheat. There a time when I think to myself should I just walk away from all this and days when I'm happy and everything is good. I just take everyday as it comes. One other thing, one of the plumbers I have worked with on site, his wife has bipolar and he said she was really bad until he got the correct meds and now they have retired together and are very happy.
Hello I'm 21 and I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and she has all the bipolar symptoms but won't accept she could or is bipolar. She had only just started taken medicine about 1 year ago but has now stopped as she don't think they are helping her. We have been living with each other for about 2 years now and I must admit the months leading up to her taken tablets was so hard to deal with. Before she had tablets she was angry all the time, I could never do anything without her having a go at me and mood swings was all over the place. From what you have said about what your gf has done or doing is nearly identical to my gf so your not a lonely boat on this. I have packed my bags and gone home to my mums once before to then have her saying how sorry she was and wanted me back. Lucky for me my gf mum has bipolar but she has found medication that keeps her level and act normal. I personally think that it is all down to finding the correct medication as there are so many different ones that affect people differently. Currently my gf is starting to get the mood swings and always thinks I'm lying or when I go out I'm going to cheat. There are times when I think to myself should I just walk away from all this and days when I'm happy and everything is good. I just take everyday as it comes. One other thing, one of the plumbers I have worked with on site, his wife has bipolar and he said she was really bad until he got the correct meds and now they have retired together and are very happy.