Pre-Write Up: If you don't want to read this, that is okay. I am just here to get some opinions on something, so I wrote down three years of material. Some details may have been lost due to time constraints or just memory fading.

Before I begin I would like to comment that this isn't my usual behavior. I am usually the one who says I am the one who knows what I need to do. But in this case I am just curious about what others think of my situation and possibly any ideas that can be gained.

So first lets start with the background. I started my first relationship in late years of high school. The only situation was I was extremely shy, to the extent of not easily speaking, nor could I even hold hands. So after a while I decided to get more comfortable in the environment, and broke it off with her. Nearly three months later we got back together (she asked me!), and that lasted until (something happened) and we split. I am not quite sure actually, of what happened. All I know is that it was really strange being around each-other, and just wanted to be together. After a month or so we got back together (attempt 3) and this time it lasted 2 years.

Now in order to get an idea of how I feel.. Any time I am around her, even if there is nothing to do and we just sit around, I feel comfortable around her. I feel more at home than at my real home. I am still shy but she has been able to open me up more than anyone has done for me in my entire life. Sounds good doesn't it?

So my time-line is slightly off. I believe the 3rd time of dating happened after she got into college, so before we got back together another guy was introduced. At first I had no issues, I don't have a problem with her being around guys, but that didn't last too long. She started to put his name nearly everywhere, facebook, myspace, aim profile, etc. Even had marked "in relationship" with him. I asked about it and she was just saying it is more of a joke, which I ended up believing because it can fit her personality. I am not the one to believe something just from something not in person, plus I wasn't with her at the time, so I let it pass. Though we got back together at some time and it was nice, we stayed together for nearly half a year but I guess this 'other' guy was still a problem. One evening I received a Pix Message on my phone, it was her and the guy kissing. I freaked, drove all the way to her college to talk (I am not physical at all), but got denied because she had plans already made. Anyways, the weekend afterwords we were able to talk. I tried getting an explanation and all I got was "there was no feelings", "it wasn't what you thought", "I don't have feeling for him". I also asked if it was the only time that they kissed, she said yes. But... I was able to access her facebook (no longer friends, but had a friend who was friends) before-hand, so know I have first-hand proof that she lied. I asked her, and I got "I don't know why I lied". I left, and broke all communication for three months but in those three months it was the only thing I could think about. I could only think about why it had to happen like this, why it couldn't even be a peaceful break-off. After the three months, I cleared up the block-list and such on chat, etc. I knew she noticed that I was viewable again because her away-messages and such changed in attitude (not bad or good, just changed a bit). So after about a week I get an IM of like a paragraph as an appology. I ask to meet up in person to discuss it. I admit my feelings, but no further to try to attempt anything.

So now everything still lies the same. She still has contact with the guy but not as much. I can't say what they are up to but I want to believe everything she as said, more of I can believe it. The issue is all the "I dont know". She has a extremely stressful life, more than a normal person. I am wondering whats actually true or not.

The three months I did have I tried to shake the feelings and memories but that didn't work at all. I still feel the same as when I did three years ago, and still just want to help her out, and make her happy. I heard of Obsessive Relationships, but can something like this be that? I don't want to just be near her, I want to help her, entertain her, make her dinner (lol), etc. Not suffocating her though! I am not that crazy.

These memories of being with her, when recalled, still bring tears to me if I think about it.