over the last week i have started feeling very depressed.I'm 14 and everything in my life has gone bad and it seems to be getting worst.I keep having suicidal feelings but i don't want to die before i have really lived my life.
Could anyone please give me some help/advice because I'm starting to loose hope and no matter how hard i try i cant find any.
So, im going to tell u my story and see what u get from it.
My mom got married when i was 12, we all moved in like one big happy family . when i was 15 i moved out to live with my grandparents. me and my mom havent been able to talk at alll, im 17 and basically i dont have a mom shes not herself and she had 2 lil girls who i abousltyy LOVE,but i dont see them that much, School was horriable, durring the summer i was a drunk adn a prostitute. when school started i got heckeled all the time, i lost friends, sucked ass at school got kicked of the soccer team. i started doing weed. i was drunk 24.7 just to get the pain away. I got so lonly that i would come home go to my room, and just lye here waiting to dye. i;d cry every damn day. i lostt basically all my "fridens in grade 10 last year. i had no one to talk to.. so when ever i talked it was all me me me and i was a happy person allll the time.. soo i showed. and then grade 10 i was a !**@! around the clock, mad person. it wasnt me? I planned a session with the school guidance councler.. andd that didnt happen.. i cutt my wrists 47 times. i wasnt trynto kill myself but i hated my body, my nanny would always say god jessica. ever since u stopped playing volleyball ur gettn fat. god ur fat, you have to not eatt that food. and then she;d like touch my belly and be like uh oh. fatt fat fat.. likee.. ughhhhhhhh, my mom blamed my grandparents for everything i did wrong which i dont get b.c it;s my choice for EVERYTHING i do.. like if i get a bad mark at school she flips asking why i didnt gett abovee a 80? likee what woman? my adv. is a 65? anywaz.
i figured out. the best thing is to tell ur mom or grand parents that u feel deprressed.. they arent gonna belive u at frist.. well mine didnt either.. but once u just staire at them and look them in the eyes and make them see ur serious that you need help. They will help u. It took me 15 months b4 i could tell me grandparents. My friend, she tried to kill her self to.. she tryed drowing he self.. tryed to o.d/ i wasnt there for her at the time b.c we were in a fight and it was all depressed feelings gettn in the way.. now were tight as ever. u haveeeee to find a friedn who u SERIOUSLY TRUST WITH UR LIpfe. AND GET HER TO COME WITH YOU TO.
alot of !**@! goes on in everyones life.. sometimes its jsut best to hear a point of veiw from someone else.. andd take in what u think u have and go from there.
im not a psycologist. but i hope i helped a little..