do you have any other friends? puzzld

we are here for you..you can always talk openly and take out your frustrations here..meanwhile how about your family?

I'm fine now. Back to normal. I kind of have friends.... but most of them are married or have other priorities like kids, their SO, work, etc. I don't have a best friend really... And because I've been so "weird" under the bipolar, I've burned bridges, told people off, walked away from friendships, alienated people, been unresponsive enough that I've lost a lot of wonderful people from my life.

My parents don't know that I've been dxBP. They are fairly "stepford" people; this is not the kind of thing they would want to know about. They were the first ones to tell me that depression was "all in my head" and "a choice I was making". I am not close to them at all.

And if I did say anything, I'd say, "I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. It's genetic, which means that it's YOUR FAULT that the last 10-15 years of my life have been SERIOUSLY JACKED UP."

~ soucie

Hahahaha! Ironically, you'd be right to tell your parents it's their fault....it is genetic and you got it from them! Probably not their intent, but their fault nevertheless. My parents had a meltdown when they learnt....I had to comfort THEM because they blamed themselves. Odd how things go sometimes...

I only have a couple friends, but many buddies or acquaintances. I tend to be fairly private and don't share personal stuff.

I participate in a lot of groups, and that helps. I find groups with common interests and join in. I have fun, and associate with people so I don't become a hermit. I piss people off sometimes, but on average I come out on top!

Jonathan - how did you tell your parents? Were you nervous about doing it? How did they respond at first? And what made you decide to tell them?

~ soucie

Telling my parents was pretty hard to do....all my life they had expressed their fear that one of their children would have a mental illness (it runs in the family) and as such I had been afraid to "disappoint" them.

When I started getting help, I realized more and more what was going on, and understood my past behaviors a lot better. My doctor recommended that I speak to close friends and family...both as a means of "explaining" why I acted certain ways and as a means of gaining a lifeline: they could never really understand, but could maybe be more receptive.

I went over to my parents house on a weekend (we live hundreds of miles apart). I told them to stay calm and hear me out, and then I told them what my diagnosis was and how I was dealing with it. Once I started explaining, I felt really relieved. No more trying to hide things from the family.

It didn't go over so well though. My mother broke down, cried, yelled, and then blamed my father for faulty genes. My father started crying. To this day they are awkward.

HOWEVER....I am glad I told them, and even knowing what I know now I would tell them again. I don't feel like I need to hide or tip toe around them. I don't have to give excuses anymore. Kind of like the old proverb "the truth will set you free".

I also told some very close friends, who were a lot more receptive. They had seen me being "wild" at parties and engaging in risky behavior, and telling them explained why I acted the ways I did. After I told them we had some long talks...they asked me a lot of questions, and they were somewhat awkward. But, luckily for me, they got over it and now they act like they did before and there is no awkwardness. The only difference is they don't push the issue when I say I don't drink!

Soucie you relate a common thread in the lives of people who live with bipolar disorder. The socialization thing is difficult on a good day. Finding people that truly can grasp the nuances of the disorder is challenging indeed. Your ex sounds as if he wants to be there for you but does not have a solid working knowledge of the disorder to really know how to support you and what you need. Sometimes what you want to hear is not what you need. That applies to everyone but when you feel alone or needy you want to hear what will make you feel good.

I think support groups with people that share a common interest or disorder offer you a unique opportunity to talk about the disorder without the judgement or confusion that may result in talking to people that do not understand the disorder. You can vent or share with other that have been down the same path. You can glean information from those that have more experience or perhaps different experiences with the disorder. Purging your soul can be very healing. Being able to speak about the effects of bipolar disorder in your world can lift a weight off your shoulders. You may find that you are able to forge new friendships as well.

Jonathan says the truth shall set you free. I agree. It may be uncomfortable to speak to your parents about your diagnosis but it can be a cathartic as well. You need to be true to yourself and realize you can't control others and their response to you. Take your time, be introspective and plan what you want to say to your parents.

hi guys, i am first time here and its my first day of being officially diagnosed with BPD.
i totally feel you soucie, i feel lonely most of the time ,because i cant talk to people about my mood swings and depression times, they say "how is that? the mood cant change soo often! when i had hypomanic stages they thought i am too loud thus wild! and i am pretty reserved girl, its just the BP manic behaviour that gives the impression. the i would think that i am wild and bad and get depressed and act even weirder. people just dont seem to analyse our behavoiur deeply enough, they draw conclusions based on what they see and dont have the needed knowledge to support and understand us.

reagarding "telling the parents" part, i have got my official diagnose today and i just went straight to my mother and told her. The problem is that she doesnt have any idea what it is...of course she suffered from it more than anyone else, sometimes i can be very rude and just cut her off in the middle of the conversation.or not talk to her for few days coz i am not in the "mood" ( i feel awful for doing it! but cant help it) you probably know how it goes.

my mom asked me to print the explanation from the net, i think the drama is yet to come , when she finds out what it is,and that it is genetic. she is gonna be upset for sure, i am a single child! (i suspect from my dad's side, heard some stories)

I feel depressed myself and feel lovely, dunno if i should tell my friends, if they would comprehend it properly????