My girlfriend and I live together. We have sex occasionally, but I feel it's not enough. Now, I don't wish to have it ALL the time, No. Just a few times throughout the week. I find that's a decent amount. After all, we are young still, (late twenties), and sex between two people that love each other as much as we do, is a wonderful act among other things to experience. My girlfriend always has an excuse for not wanting to have sex, though. Either a canker sore, or an inflamed rib, or allergies, or sleep, or anything. As a result, we don't have sex, and right about the time she feels better, her period arrives, blocking off an entire week. If I'm lucky, we get to have sex once, if not twice a month, and I feel I get it because she "gives in" and patronizes me. I feel as if it's not because she enjoys it the way I do, or sees it as a wonderful experience, I feel she does it mostly to give me the feeling of completion she feels I need... If that makes sense. Like,
"Fine, here's the sex you want. Happy now?"
and it leaves me thinking,
"Does she even want to?"
Tonight, I showered, then we watched the NBA finals, and then she showered. We got to bed relatively early, and after trying to make a move, she hesitated as if she were tired, so I backed off... annoyed. She then felt bad, as she sensed I'd gotten into a bad mood, and apologized.
Part of me says, I should just chill out, and think about her feelings, but at the same time, I have hormones, and a self esteem that questions whether or not she finds me attractive. Sometimes, I think about cheating, to confirm whether or not, I've just become unattractive to the opposite sex, but I don't have it in me to do so.
I really try not to pressure her, but I feel I'm the car dealer trying every trick in the book, to get something that only I can get, and it makes me feel lousy. I feel low and cheap. Worst of all, I feel unattractive. Oi.
Ok. Um I had a boyfriend for about 2 years and out of those 2 years I can count how mant times we made love on one hand. (seriously) He used to get very upset and then I'd feel upset...the thing is, I saw his as a friend and couldn't do that with him.
It was very very difficult but he moved on and so did I. He's with a great girl and I have an amazing boyfriend who I find perfect for me. We are still close and he remains one of my best friends.
I know it's hard but you may have to bite the bullet and leave her. Sex isn't everything but it's a huge part of a relationship and you should want to be with your partner in that way.
On the other hand - she may have her own body issues that you don't know about, work troubles...maybe she isn't very sexual or has pain when having sex. Or um..maybe she's just not that into you in that way.
I doubt very much she'd find you unattractive...my ex was very good looking but I saw his as a good friend rather than a lover. Try not to take it personally.
Try to talk to her and explain how it makes you feel. Hopefully she'll tell you what she's feeling....if it's meant to work - it will work. Plenty of people out there that you can be compatable with. Good luck
silasofnj, BE HONEST! Talk to her about it. Or if you can't talk about it, use your tongue elsewhere on her body to signal your desires!
As you well know (or should...it's surprising sometimes when I talk to my male counterparts about this) for women it's all about four-play, the teasing, the tension, YOUR desire for her. We get turned on by feeling desired...not in the moments right before you want to shove it in us (cause that's how mechanic and insensitive it can come off as).
You need to work up to le moment. It may just start with a phone call to her during work telling her about the dirty things you wish you could do to her in that moment. Be tender during your down time together, kiss her in her favorite spots, rub her thigh, play with her hair etc. etc. Do you like giving oral sex? If not, learn to love it. If you don't like doing such an act on a woman (especially the one you love) than you don't love women at all.
If all the above has been addressed and attempted before then there are definitely underlying issues you two need to hash out. I know when I feel unsatisfied with any aspect in a relationship, I unconsciously withhold sex from my partner. I think a lot of women do this. She loves you, she wants you, she's waiting for you. Don't get insecure. Get real and her ask questions.