This is my first post on here; I really need to write my feelings down and hopefully get some support. I just feel so trapped in every direction; when I find a possible solution, up comes another obstacle. I just can't get over all the wasted time I've let happen; then when I go on Facebook and see all my friends profiles I get even more depressed. Their lives seem so much more exciting and fulfilling. I taught 8th grade and was laid off in '07 and after getting so frustrated looking for non-existent teaching jobs, I basically gave up and moved in with my aging Dad to keep him company after my Mom went to an assisted living facility. This turned into 4 yrs. and running; honestly, it has become my safety net. Over these last 4 yrs. I worked part-time and not at all for the last 2. Luckily, I don't have hardly any expenses so I'm making it plus I came into some money that tides me over. I plan on finally clearing my credential and looking for a teaching job but in my area, those jobs are few and far between and honestly I don't know if I want to teach. So, what am I going to do?? Thinking about going back to school or just taking a non-degree needed job. But I really don't want to stay in the area after my Mom/Dad pass. I don't have many friends to hang out with plus I'm Gay and that makes it much tougher in this conservative area. Then when I let me mind wonder, I think of the worst case scenarios; dying alone, never reaching my potential, not having kids. I don't regret all the wonderful times I had while my classmates were going to college but just wish I had more focus then--now it's biting me in the ass. I just dwell on these thoughts all day and sleep has really been affected. I don't have any ideas about killing myself but I do think about maybe I'll die young-I'm 45 and just got diagnosed with Diabetes 2 which is really when all this low-point started happening. I just seem to go through the motions and try to find small areas of happiness/enjoyment. How do I get out of this black-hole; I'm on Prozac thank God or I really don't think I could make it. I saw a shrink last week but didn't really feel it was effective though I am going to see a different one next month. Any advice would be most appreciative!
Well done in making the breakthrough to write here. Tough to do that first time. It'll come easier now.
Let me just say Facebook is really a place for frauds and criminals, sexual perverts. Last time I saw the figures it had over 50,000 registered sex offenders. Note the word "registered" meaning caught and punished.
SO the real figure would be way higher. It is also the most favoured site for criminals seeking information for ID theft. So if you use any real data, change it. It is for suckers. Truly. You know who says that in the city I live in? The head of the fraud squad, Police. DO you believe him? I do.
As to all your freinds. WHat friends, FB "friends" are mainly just lonely people looking for someone to talk to. Many just collect friends to see how many they can get. It;s all fake mate.
As to what they say about their lives, think about it. If their lives were so much fun why would they be writing on FB at all? They wouldn't have the time or interest.
OK, FB as it really is, exposed for you to consider.
You are a teacher, a noble profession and even though you can't get work now there are 8% of the population n the US with the same problem. Not their fault and not your fault. They just don't have the money to hire people.
WHy not use your imagination and advertise as a tutor, part time for kids needing help, of which there are millions. DOn't be blunt about your past. Say you have had to stay at home to care for your father as your mother is in care. That is true and no one really needs to know the whole truth all the time. The thing is producing results for their kids, right
As far as keeping your Dad company, what a wonderful thing to do, voluntarily or not, he'd be lost without you. It's a great thing to do even though it's because of unemployment. Recall how much of their lives they devoted to you, without complaint.
What else can you do? Write. You know how, it's just a matter of finding something people are interested in. Write to the online book sellers, Ebay and so on and ask them where the greatest demand is. Pretend it's a survey if you like. Or just write what interests you as you can currently afford to do so.
Careers can be made from anything. Just needs an idea.
I had one just today. It's to find, advertise for, immigrants who are now citizens to act a a guide leader for, say 6 - 10 people. You can do all the bookings, work out the itinerary with the guide, but make sure they compile that as they must know what to take people to, where to stay, where it is safe, where food is good and safe. etc. Get the idea?
You charge the people enough to cover al costs plus your percentage and also pay the guide. The advantage is they have a guide who speaks the language and knows the country.
Have them undertake a security check for your safety and you customers.
Even got a name for it. "The no longer Lonely Planet".
The world is you oyster mate. At home and can afford it? You're free and it's just thought require. Read widely, find needs.
In life there are no regrets. What's done is done so forget it. Just remember the good times. As to the future? The further you think ahead the further from the truth wil be your predictions. Try it, Write soem down now for a years time, in your current frame of mind and check them in a a year. How many will be true?
I did mone over a 10 years period and not one single prediction was even close.
It's called predictive thinking and when we are depressed we can only see the worst so that's what we predict. Think about today only, Tomorrow always arrives.
If trying a business, write a plane of what to do and only do what is on the list for the day you look at it. Look every day though.
Go see a doc and get therapy referrals as needed to hep clarity.