Hello i am a new member in this forum n i thought i should share my problem. Please pardon my english, m not that good in it. Ok i've been feeling very lonely n depressed from many days coz of several reasons. I have 2 brothers n i am the eldest. They stay with my mom n dad n i stay with my aunt. I go to my parents home during vacations. Both my brothers are very good in studies n other extra curricular activities and i am very poor in studies since my childhood but somehow i passed my highschool and pre university. Now i am in the final year of graduation n i have jus written the last semester examination and i know that i have written it poorly and i am gonna fail in atleast couple of subjects. My brothers as i said earlier are good in studies and get good marks in every exams n my second brother has already got a job in call center while studying. This makes me very depressed n i sometimes wonder why did i became like this n i also think of going away from my family because i think i will become a huge embarrasement to my parents. I feel like doin nothing at all. Whenever i come to my parents home i see my brothers enjoying with thier friends and on the other hand i feel so depressed seeing that n feel ashamed of myself. I dont even have any good friends to share my feelings and i dont want to say these things to my parents because this will upset my parents. I dont know what to do.
You should not belittle yourself because you feel you are not as good as your brothers. We all have talents, and not all of them are in school subjects. We all think and act differently. I feel so bad you are losing your self confidence, and self esteem. If I was your Mom, I would be proud of you no matter what you accomplished. I had two daughters, Jennifer my oldest never did well in school, it was her time to socialize when she was their. I had her drop out when she was seventeen, and told her if she didnt like school than she should work. She had no problem finding a job and had a very good work ethic. I loved her just the way she was. She was talented in so many other ways, she was a great dancer, and vocalist. I let her follow her passion. She grew up to be such a happy go lucky person, loved to make people laugh, and entertain. She accomplished so much, she was in a professional play at age 11. She was in dance troupes and they won several first place trophys, and when she got older she was a kareoke host. Jennifer made me proud, and I am so happy that while she lived her short life she was able to do the things she loved. She had a son when she was 22. He was the love of her life. She lived with me through out most of her life. She was diaganosed with hodgkins lymphoma stage four at twenty five years old. She battled with cancer and then the side effects of chemo which eventually caused her passing July 4th, 2008. Jennifer was the most amazing, strong person with wisdom beyond her years. She lived each day to the fullest, even when she was sick, and even when she was not able to care for herself she still managed to smile and keep us all laughing. She may not of been a scholar but she was an inspiration to all of those who knew her. My other daughter Jessica on the other hand was a great student, always got great grades, but I know she wished she would have had some of her sisters attributes. We are all different, never compare yourself to anyone, follow your heart, your parents love you however you are. It would break their heart to know you are feeling so bad, but talk to them. They would rather you tell them how you are feeling than you sadly feeling miserable on your own. I am a Mom and a Grandmother, and raising my 11 year old grandson. I feel so lucky that my daughter and grandson come to me when they are hurting, or having a problem. It makes me happy that I can help them, we can talk and share things. I am Jessicas Mom and also her friend. I know I am rambling but I know you are talented, and the sooner you start feeling that and gaining confidence you will find that people will be drawn to you. When you feel sad people it can show in your performance in school and at home. Please talk to your Mom and Dad. If my daughter Jennifer did not talk to me and shared her life with me I would have missed out. The only way I can live my life is knowing I was their for her every waking moment, and she was thier for me. Her loving spirit is within all of us now. I still miss her and cry, but I know she is no longer in pain, happy, and in Heaven. Please talk to your parents. They want to know whats going on in your life thats their job.
Dear cyndrelli thanks for your reply. Your story brought tears in my eyes. And also you remind me of my grandmother whom i loved very much. She used to support me in every thing n she used to love me very much. She passed away last year n she used to always say that i will become a successful person one day. I lost one of my dearest person and even this thing also makes me depressed. No matter what i think i cant help but to feel ashamed of myself coz i let down my parents and my grandmother whom i cannot talk to anymore. Right now my mind is filled with negative things and really cant think of anything positive. I feel like there is no hope for me.
As a parent the hardest thing you can go through is losing a child. I could choose to let the sadness overwhelm me but that would hurt every one around me. I still grieve, and cry when I am missing my daughter. You are still greiving the loss of your grandmother, and thats fine, we all grieve in our own way. The best way I have learned to deal with the pain is to know Jennifer is with the lord, in peace, no longer in pain, and happy. Their is a significance of her dying on independence day, her one wish in life was to be independent, like you, but sadly that never happened. I am going to tell you about what I call a miracle. Before my daughter passed away, she told me, Mom dont worry I will send you a sign I am okay. On the eve of her death as all of my close family gazed into the sunset, the most beautiful magenta pink sky appeared, her favorite color, and a cloud passed by with a cross clearly difined in it, and we all saw a shooting star. It gives me peace to know she is watching from above, she is always with us. Your Grandma is also watching from above probably trying to reach out to you, telling you to believe in yourself. You should never feel ashamed of what you think are your short comings. No one is perfect, if we were than their would not be so much termoil in our lives. You have so much to offer but if you allow yourself to feel like this you are taking away your powers of determination and motivation. I cannot do that, I have a family to care for. Somedays I feel like all I want to do is crawl into a hole and stay their and then I think about my daughters strength and devotion, and that gives me the incentive I need to move onto positive things and thoughts. Losing Jennifer was the saddest thing I have ever had to endure, watching her life slowly fade away was unbearable, but she did not want pity, she did not want anyone to come see her to pity her, she accepted her fate with wisdom. It took all the strength I had to muster to keep going on each day watching her in pain, noing I had no control. You have control of your situation. When someone becomes seriously ill it is not by choice. You need to take every ounce of your energy and think of all the positive things in your life. It you dont you will fall further into you sadness. You can get past this but feeling ashamed because you might have failed something that you can change. It doesnt matter if you have to retake a class or a test, we all have had to do that, it's okay. You are being so hard on yourself. Let it go, your grandma wants you to be happy. Please talk to your Mom and Dad, they want the best for you. Please think about what I have said.