Hello everyone, my name is Matt, Im really not sure where this topic would classify so I'm just going to post it here, because it seems to be both an emotional health problem and a relationship issue.
I'm am feeling sick around these girls that i really like. Its not just any girl that I have crush on, but the girls I've had intimate experiences with. When I say intimate, I mean like occurrences that we have been close, not just like kissing or anything, but like cuddled with each other, even on a friends basis.
I first realized I had this problem about 7 months ago. There was this girl at my school that I really liked. We were close friends but that was all, she knew I really liked her because I had asked her out several times, but she didn't feel the same way back, but I always thought for some reason I had a chance with her, I don't know why. I was fine around her for the longest time, until she invited me over to see a movie with her... While we were watching the movie we got really close and kinda held each other, just a little. This was when it all started happening.
After that night, and ever since, every time I would be around close to her, I would start feeling sick, most of the time driving myself to vomit out of sight. I did everything I could to calm my nerves down, I even saw a shrink about some problems I was having. She subscribed a medicine called lexapro, an anti-nervous/anti-depressant. Before I could know if the medicine worked or not, we broke off our relationship for other irrelevant reasons... The sickness I felt when I was around her had stopped once we no longer hung out.
But now its starting all over again!!!! There is once again another girl I quite like, her name is Flea. I first met her at a graduation dinner. She was a friend of my buddies girlfriend, and I found her very attractive. That night went great. I sat next to her fine at the dinner table, we ate, talked, and messed around a bit, and not once did I feel sick. But little did I know what would develop from that fun careless night.
A few days later I invited my buddy and his girl friend over to go swimming. So evidently Flea, my buddies girlfriends best friend, tagged along with her. And this is where it starts getting very weird, so be prepared, haha. Flea is a wild one, and shes not afraid to say what is on her mind, and of course the thing that was on her mind that day was to see my penis. At first it was just kind of a joke, she told my friend and his gf, but they both knew that she was serious about it. So they all got to my house and told me all about what she wanted to do, and reluctantly I decided to go along with it. I mean it couldn't hurt, yeah it would be very awkward, but I'm trying to roll over a new shell and try new things, so I told myself 'why not'. So I showed her, it was very weird for both of us, but I found it was very exciting as well.
After that was when the sickness started to come. At night I reluctantly thought about it as I tried to sleep, processing the experience over and over again inside my head, and every time making my stomach feel worse and worse. Even the mornings were horrible. When I woke up I would feel fine, but once the memories hit me about her and the way I feel toward her, the cycle would start all over again. But none of these feelings of sickness could compare to when I was around her. And today was the worse!
I woke up this morning feeling nauseous, but it was bearable and not too bad. I ate breakfast and just laid around lazy all afternoon. I did this until I got the text from my friend that him, his gf, and Flea were heading over to go swimming. My nerves started pulsing and my mind started to race. I honestly do not know why, but they just were. As much as I tried to control my body I could not. Only 10 minutes after she had arrived at my house, the true feelings of sickness came over me. I preoccupied myself by taking out the trash quickly, and as I walked to the outside trashcan to dump the trash, it hit me. I vomited all my morning breakfast out into the trashcan. I could not control it any longer and I knew that I could not hold it back.
Afterward, I was mostly quiet and self-contained for the rest of the day while we hung out. I felt a little better after the incident with the trashcan, but I still did not feel well enough to my own standards. I could not eat dinner with them, and I had to make up a lame excuse that I had eaten earlier, because I knew that swallowing food would just cause me to gag it back up.
I've felt so upset all day, this is really impacting my life and keeping me from having fun with my friends. I do not want to be cooped up in my room all day on the computer or watching TV. I want to get out there and have a real life, have a girlfriend, and just have fun without ever worrying about making myself sick somehow because of the way I feel about a girl. I honestly do not know what to do.
I apologize for this being such a long read, but I feel that in order for me to get the proper advise/help from someone, I need them to understand the full grasp of my illness. Most of the time the symptoms I encounter are: Nausea, shortness of breath, vomiting, nervousness, shaking, feeling as if my heart is deep (?), and feeling lightheaded. The current medication that I am taking is 10mg of Lexapro ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escitalopram ), but I would like to note that this illness existed even before I started taking the medication. Any help at all is greatly appreciated. I do not want to live like this.
Some additional information about me: I am a virgin, and I have never had a real relationship with a girl. I have seen a female friend naked before and touched her (she was very open) but I never had feelings toward her, and therefore I never felt sick around her. I am 17 years old and currently going into my senior year. I am a fairly shy person, but my goal this summer is to get out and become active and outgoing. I find it very hard to get girls, but I believe with the help of my friends I am getting better. Finally, I really would like to have sex with a girl that I really like and I will take the first opportunity that comes at me as long as its safe.
To the people who are posting on a outdated forum try to post your own thread next time as your case may not be relevant. However, what the above person is feeling is social anxiety and is usually dealt with either a psychologist and or going to a social anxiety group. Once again if you have any further questions make your own thread.