I have a very complicated situation on my hands...
I'm a college freshman. At the beginning of the year, I met this guy and we kind of became friends right away. We hung out casually for a week and then one night at this club, we made out while dancing. After that, we just kept hanging out more (with other people). It soon progressed to basically hanging out every night in this group together, and we got closer. After a month and a half or so, we would stay up late after everyone went to bed and hang out alone together. He would flirt, a lot, when we were alone - we'd cuddle, he'd joke about us being in a relationship, etc. We also had a weird love-hate thing going on where we would constantly insult or make fun of each other. It was weird.
For the rest of the first semester, this continued. We'd always have long talks and be affectionate when we were alone together at night. We didn't text that much though, which I thought was weird. We'd just kind of hang out if we were both in the same room. When second semester started, it continued and began to progress. He kissed me one night, and ever since then, we've always done 'stuff' when we've been alone. For a while we would just make out, and then it progressed to more sexual stuff. I finally told him I had feelings for him in February and that I always had since the beginning of the year. He responded with essentially the same thing, but said that sometimes he wanted to be with me and sometimes he wanted to be single. So he didn't know how to handle his feelings. I didn't either really. So we decided to just wait it out, not hook up anymore and see what happened.
We hooked up again within two days of making that promise, and continued to do so everytime we'd end up alone together at night. It was like this constant gray area of not knowing what we were. Everyone around us joked about us all the time because they could see that we liked each other. And we would seriously stay up all night together. Usually, our long talks ended in a hook up session; they were never planned, which made me feel like it wasn't just a booty call.
I lost my virginity to him in March, when I thought he still had feelings for me but it was unclear. Since then, I feel like it's never been the same. He's wanted to have sex a lot now, and we have had sex a few more times. We've made promises to stop hooking up, but then a few nights later he'll instigate it and we'll end up hooking up. I brought this problem up to him a few weeks ago and he told me he basically didn't have feelings for me anymore. It crushed me at the time, and then two days later of course he's trying to hook up with me again. I've asked him countless times if he's just using me but he always says no and claims he never plans these hook ups. He's also claimed I'm one of his best friends that he just "does stuff with sometimes". I told him that's not normal and he didn't seem to agree.
Now I know he's texting this new girl who lives a few doors down from me, and sometimes hanging out with her late at night. I saw her go into his room tonight. I just don't know how to feel. He knows I still have feelings for him, and it hurts to think that this past weekend he instigated hooking up (twice) and now he's hanging out with her. I don't want to regret everything because I really liked him a lot, and still like him. It's hard getting over this when I see him everyday. And I hate wondering what him and that girl are doing. The funny thing is, he knew she thought he was attractive months ago and he told me, and then dismissed it, acting like he would never do anything with her. And now they're hanging out and he's flirting with her.
I feel kind of broken, I don't know how to handle this and move on. I can't let him ruin my summer. And the worst part is, we were never even a couple...I feel like I should've known nothing was going to come out of this 'relationship'.
I made the same terrible mistake you did. I lost my virginity to and fell in love with the wrong person. Someone who never thought enough of me to actually want to be with me. I know he cared about me and still does, but that is so little compared to what my heart wants. I can't be mad at him because he can't help how he feels. I always wonder how he can't feel not even a little bit of what I feel. The times when we were together, it almost seemed like it, but that was my mind making me see what I wanted to see. Some days I don't know what to do with myself. I would never do anything drastic to myself, but at the same time, I just don't know what the heck to do. Every time I think of moving on with someone else, I get this terrible feeling. It's a panicked, sad and sick feeling.
The one thing that keeps me going is having faith that I won't be miserable for the rest of my life. I don't think ever-lasting misery was meant for me, but because I can't see the other side of this mountain, some days are just so dreadful. I know better things are coming. I just wish I could see it.
You don't seem like you are in as deep as I am. I noticed you only mentioned liking him and not actually being in love. Please, if you can, distance yourself from him. Stop all contact. Don't let this get worse. Love yourself enough to not let that happen.