Feel so depressed angry and lonely

I just cant cope feeling like this anymore. Everything is falling apart.

My relationship has gone to s**t. I dont get pleasure from anything anymore and im starting to wonder if everyone would be better off without me ( not suicidal but i cant help feel that way sometimes)


My partner is not supportive and some of why I feel like this is down to him but he is the type who is never ever wrong! Everything I do he finds fault with even the things I do with all the best intentions. I cant get accross how I feel to him as he just takes it the wrong way and ends up shouting at me. He says there is nothing wrong with me that im an attention seeker and that im a freak and wierd. In the past when I have felt really down and I have felt like ending it I have rang him and cried my heart out on the phone, he cant be bothered talking to me just tells me to shut up and get on with it. Our relationship is in bits. He looks at escorts online and has even rang some - promised me he has never met one and i believe him but it still makes me feel so bad about myself- he says its the thrill. When I was pregnant with our 2nd child he cheated on me was having a relationship with someone else for a couple of months. At the time he sorted himself out and tried to make an effort to work at it. He really put the time in. I forgave him. Last week during an argument he said that it was my fault he had an affair that I hadnt kept him happy and he had to find someone who could, it was a heated argument and he said he didnt love me anymore that he hadnt for a while but that i had caused him to feel that way. Yes i get down and yes i can be quite full on ( possible bi polar) but I dont think I deserved it. I factor him in to most of my plans i figure in non of his. he has gone away to his friends house this weekend all his other friends are taking their partners except him he says he is ashamed of me. Same with his best friends wedding - he is being best man but he has told me he does not want me there again because he is ashamed of me.He says I have no right to feel upset about this

We have two children together and another big issue that makes me really upset is the fact he wont commit- it makes me feel like im not good enough. He used to talk about marriage all the time but it was always in third party, he would say how he wanted to get married but obviously he was thinking about getting married to someone else. I have suffered with depression all my life, when we first met he offered me so much he was loving caring sweet everything you could ask for but he just refuses to grow up! I want to settle down lead a simple life not be told im boring and stupid.

Im not a bad looking girl and I will do anything for anyone my heart is in the right place. If someone needs me im there. i just feel so taken advantage of. I try so hard yet never get it right. I can have my hair done my nails wear a new dress put my make up on and he will find a tiny fault and pull me up on it. Im not perfect I will go on and on about how i feel he does not treat me right and he says this makes him not care. Im probably ott but i just want to make things work and sort our problems out. He is a very private person and struggles to show emotions. I am his first girlfriend we met when he was a week off 23. He is far from a looker and i know I could more than likely do better than him yet he makes me feel that im not good enough for him. Everyone says he is lucky to have me. I was over weight and have recently lost 4 and a half stone im still slighty overweight but i can carry it off a bit with my height ( however think im now bodering on an eating disorder) He never used to say anything about my weight when I was a lot bigger now im a fat cow. You name it im it.

I also have an autistic son from a previous relationship he is such hard work. everything is really upsetting me Im at the point that I dont know how to stop feeling like this, I really dont want to lose my pertner he means the world to me and when he is nice he is amazing! Im on medication but i dont feel its working. Waiting to go to the hospital to be assessed for bi-polar. Im not perfect far from it I do argue with him but im only trying to make things better. Im not having it that its all my fault either.

My ex used to beat me really bad and is currently serving a 6 year sentence for doing so. Again he has started saying that it was probably my fault

Maybe it was.

Add to that my mother dumped me when i was 6 weeks old and i have never had a relationship with her. I just feel like people use me and when they are bored get rid of me. I had high hopes for this relationship now im trying to come to terms with the fact my partner no longer loves me. Im trying to be strong but i fear it may tip me over the edge. Please help