Menopause Forum - Feel like death is occuring ?

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Q: Feel like death is occuring ?

asked by: Kahfree on June 6th, 2009

New User

I am turning 47 on June 9th and over the last few years I have had normal regular periods but have noticed they were changing in length and believe it or not, the blood was thinner, watery and not so dark. I still have my healthy dark hair and there is a great shine to it. I am complimented on it all the time. (never have to color my hair) I just missed my first period last month, and I am forgetful, tired, moody, have headaches, swollen ankles, and the big thing I notice is my skin looks thinner. I never thought I would experience anxiety as I went through the change, but I cant help but think I am in the end cycle of my life, not just my periods.

I cry at the drop of a hat, and I cant seem to remember if I even took my BB Pill in the am, which worries me because I don't want to take a second dose and have problems. I am an otherwise healthy woman aside from blood pressure. My Pelvic exam in Jan revealed no problems. I feel ugly, old and am fearful of all those issues that go with menopause, such as heart disease. Last Friday, I lost balance and was not even ill, and shortly after that, my face started to go numb..very strange feeling, but it soon went away. It has not happened again. I worry about mini strokes, but a friend said its menopause.

My question is, "Is it normal for me to feel like I am heading to the end of my life and that with the end of periods I am going to suddenly age and have gray hair, old skin, wrinkled skin, bad bones, and become unattractive to others?" I am worried enough that I don't really want to socialize much anymore and go places. I keep thinking people are looking at me differently, like "Hey, look at that old bag!"

The one thing that Really worries me is the lack of remembering. I have this fear, though irrational as it may be, that to lose ones memories is to lose your entire life and that I will not be remembered when I am gone. I am constantly writing down my thoughts, feelings, stories of my life, etc for fear that I am going to become locked away in my own brain due to menopause and getting old. Help me understand what I need to do. Please.

Replies(19)

ioka

replied on June 6th, 2009

Supporter

hello and welcome. I am 48 and just had it confirmed that im menopause. not had a period in 5 months now and have all the symptoms yo mention.
My hair is thin and i do colour it but my skin is healthy and the mood swings and hot flushes im coping with well.
I never at the start as like you i was weepy and memory not too great but i have rose above those feelings now and apart from chronic pain from a prolapsed disc i feel good.
Look on this new change as life beginning and you shall be fine, my mother had thin receeding hair and grayness is hereditory in our family so you are so lucky to be blessed with a beautiful head of hair.
menopause affects us all and don,t worry about forgetting things as this happens to me too and i have been told it gets better.
I was lost like you but decided to try and think positive and hopefully i shall succeed in coming through without hrt.
You will do just fine so don,t worry and if you want to talk we are all here to listen.
keep your chin up and a routine blood test will confirm its menopause.
I was also told i could still have another period and then they will disappear again.

Kahfree

replied on June 6th, 2009

New User

Thank you for your encouragement. I just feel stupid feeling like menopause is like death. Not sure why I feel this way, since I actually use to be excited for the time I would no longer have the inconvenience of wearing a tampon or a pad, or those dreaded accidents. Now, when its a reality, I feel different than I thought I would. I feel like I am not a woman, but becoming an elderly woman because when we no longer function for childbearing, (even though I was not having more kids) its as if I am not a whole woman anymore. Maybe I need a shrink!!! lol.

ioka

replied on June 6th, 2009

Supporter

hi and let me assure you honey you are doin just fine. give it a few weeks and you will feel a new woman. I felt like you at the start and those little hormones can run a marathon around you. Mine just stopped suddenly too and allsorts went through my mind. Think it was the hot flushes made me realise and once confirmed it was great. I told my doctor that i was only 48 but why me and now?
He said to me look on it as a new start in life and its where life begins.
now i have found the inner me and feel fantastic and hope i always feel this confident with myself.
you shall feel the same way its a shock at first but its the bodies way of preparing you gently into you new life of goodbye tampons and hello to a new women.
good luck.

menomad

replied on July 14th, 2009

New User

feeling the same way

So nice to read about other women who feel as I do. I feel as though I no longer know myself. I went to a wedding last week and felt fairly good about my new (larger) dress, and shoes, and my hair. That was until I looked at the pictures this morning and all I see is a fat woman with greying roots and a floppy waddly neck. I no longer see the attractive woman who had never carried weight at the abdomen. When I am with all the young women in my life I simply feel old. I am irritated with EVERYBODY. Logic tells me that I am valuable, but the emotions crowd all that out.

JavaMissus

replied on July 14th, 2009

Supporter

Honey, then do what I did, do and always will....Play mirror, mirror on the wall and the longer that you look, the better it gets....Then believe girl, believe... Shocked

Caroline

rightside

replied on July 14th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

Ok, as a woman who started menopause at 35, and finished at 45, I am going to give it to you straight...It's the best time of your life! First of all, I can't help but notice by your posts that you are concerned with your looks. You need to get rid of the vanity and self-absorbtion. Menopause does not age you...AGE ages you. And ONLY if you let it! Yes, you will have symptoms, yes, your skin will get a bit dry (CREAM IT) and your hair will get gray (COLOR IT) and you may have a mood swing here or there, but getting rid of that nasty monthly is the best thing in the world! No you are NOT getting old! You are saving money on sanitary items, and spending it on clothes and makeup! You can now have sex ALL the time... not have to turn your guy away cause "Mother Nature came to call..." And best of all...NO PREGNANCY SCARES (well, once you are totally done, of course! There have been many "change of life babies"...so much for getting old!)

If you are irritated by others, perhaps they ARE irritating! With menopause comes a new found liberations to be able to say whatever you want! Now you have something to blame it on! So don't be sad, depressed or think the Grim Reaper is around the corner. Enjoy the ride, you are finally going to be free! I jumped for joy the day my last period ended, and for the record, I am 56, and sometimes get mistaken for my late 30's and early 40's! So much for looking like an OLD BAG! REJOICE!!!

Users who thank rightside for this post: wendyrs

wendyrs

replied on July 14th, 2009

Supporter

I'm 44 and just started. I can't wait until I have my last period! I'm going to throw a party! I feel great about entering menopause and I still feel and look very young. People tell me I don't look a day over 30. I have been exercising, doing yoga, and best of all, by the time I'm 45 both of my boys will be off to college while I see a lot of women my age with young children or even babies. Yeah, I'm going to miss them but when I'm around small children I'm so glad I had mine young and they are almost grown. The insomnia and hot flashes/flushes are horrible but it's all worth it. I look at it as a positive thing.

rightside

replied on July 14th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

ATTA' GIRL WENDY!! Empty nest syndrome? NAH! Time to party!

wendyrs

replied on July 14th, 2009

Supporter

OH Yes! My sister is 50 and her kids are just starting middle school. My best friend is 44 and her kids are still in elementary school. They are so jealous. LOL

rightside

replied on July 14th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

Oh Lord, you just gave me the shivers!

wendyrs

replied on July 14th, 2009

Supporter

LOL, why the shivers?

rightside

replied on July 14th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

Little kids at home...still in school...teenager...been there, done that, over, THANK GOD!

wendyrs

replied on July 14th, 2009

Supporter

That's how I feel. When my kids were little my best friend couldn't stand to go anywhere with me because they were so hyper. Now I can't stand to go anywhere with her and her kids. They give me a headache. I'm SO glad I had them young. And off to college they go. lol

rightside

replied on July 14th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

Now I have the GRANDKIDS coming! But at least I get to send them home! LOL!

menomad

replied on July 14th, 2009

New User

Thank you ladies for all the good advice. I wonder if there is something of a mourning period during early menopause. We are saying goodbye to a regular cyclic part of our life. Saying a permanent goodbye to youth. And that has sad moments. I have now missed three periods, something that has never happened in my life before, except when I was pregnant, and it just feels weird. I am not obsessed with my looks, despite the fact that my previous post seems to say so, I am just feeling odd that I look and feel so different than I used to. But, having said all this, you ladies make some wonderful points. I need to focus more on the positives - no more tampons - at least I sure hope this is the case. The extra weight means fewer hot flashes than skinny women get. It also means more weight on my bones to help ward off osteoporosis.
I too am glad that my children are pretty much all grown up. I have three amazing grandchildren and they seem to think Nanny is pretty darned cool.
Starting right now, I am going to try and focus on the good things. Thanks again!

wendyrs

replied on July 14th, 2009

Supporter

That sounds great! Give yourself some time and you will feel better about yourself. Do you exercise? I have been doing yoga and it's wonderful. It really tones the muscles too.

rightside

replied on July 14th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

I am thinner now than I was before menopause! The only mourning I had, was watching a few hairs fall out of my head, but that can happen with just aging anyway. I feel as young as I did at 25, so I didn't have that part of the cycle. Missed periods were a BLESSING to me, and it was a joy just to get pregnant so I didn't have them for 9 months, they were so terrible. I'd take menopause over periods ANY DAY!

You know, the good Lord did us one favor...he made our eyesight get poorer as we age, so we don't have to look in the mirror and see how wrinkled we REALLY are! Life is short, don't sweat the small stuff! ENJOY THE FREEDOM!

drpaula

replied on July 16th, 2009

New User

hey, the only thing that helped me when i was feeling down, was going out for walks and exercising. then i felt a lot better. chin up, you know its not you, its your hormones.
hope you feel better soon.

wendyrs

replied on July 16th, 2009

Supporter

Well, I just got a call from my OB/GYN that my blood test was negative for menopause. So my hormones are out of wack and I have a large mass on my breast. I found that out yesterday when I went for my mammo. Ugh! Now I have to wait for the doctor to get those results. They said the x-ray tech. should not have told me or showed me the mass.

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