no matter how hard i try, things just don't get any better for me i've been depressed for a couple of months now and I've thought of suicide a couple of times, i was walking home from school the other day and i thought of jumping in front of an oncoming car i realized that a have friends and family who'll be sad if i leave so i dont want to kill my self because i dont want them to get sad, but Im still very depressed nobody understands me not even my family, i feel that if i leave i might be forgotten quickly, everytime i walk around school i feel like such a loser, i see happier people than me and people dont come up to talk to me they must think im ugly or something. please help
I can tell you now that your loved ones would never forget you, but by harming yourself you will be harming them even more so. There is no greater pain I can think of than loosing a loved one unnecessarily.
It is true that very few will ever truly understand us, perhaps that is because we often mask our emotions, we hide who we are for fear we may not be loved. Those who love you may not fully understand how you feel, but they will not attack or judge you because of it. I would bet your relationships would only become stronger as a result of you expressing how you feel with them. It would give them an opportunity to advise and console you, to love and connect even deeper with you. Open up to them, I imagine they would jump at the chance to be there for you.
All humans have also fear that they will not be enough. This is why shyness exists, and even those happy kids at school experience this fear. Overcome it because it is not real, the only power fear has is the power we give it. I assure you they do not think you are ugly. All you have to do is go up and start talking to one of them. The best way to 'break the ice' is to offer a compliment. Be specific and determined. Do not attack yourself, and others in turn will look at you as you see yourself.
Although it may not seem so at the moment, struggles are a necessary part of life, if it were not for struggles we would not grow; when anything in nature stops growing it dies.
Do come back here and continue to tell others how you feel. Often when we express our emotions, the mind has the opportunity to see these emotions are not serving, and may change just on that alone.
I hope to hear from you, and do wish you all the best.