I think I need help. I am 27 years old, recently married, and have had a really hard time jut dealing with my life. My dad moves back and forth between his girlfriends house and mine, I constantly worry about him because he drinks, doesn't work, and justs wastes his money. Whatever my wife says go, I understand she's pregnant, but when asked about something and she doesn't like it she won't drop it and if I don't agree I'm the jerk. I can't get my feelings out and just randomly cry when alone. I am also having financial problems and feel like my friends don't want to hang out anymore. All I do now is stay home, I rarely go out and if my wife wants to do something I'd rather stay home. Sometimes I wish I could dissapear or wish I got in a bad accident. I wouldn't say I am suicidal because I'm too scared to try that but I do wish I was dead. I went to the doctor but got too scared to be honest about my feelings as I feel like I'd be arrested or admitted for 51/50 and like I said I wish I could but I can't. I don't have anyone to talk to. My doctor prescribed me nortiptiline i think but it made me almost emotionless, my friends would make jokes at work and I would have to force a fake laugh even though it was funny. My mom and sister are so excited about my wife being pregnant but my wife could care less about what either of them have to say and it just makes me feel like I'm microscopic because everyone just gets quiet. Any help would be great.
from my point of view, and i'm being completely honest, a lot of this sounds like your wife's fault. i have read many depression forums and this seems like the first case of depression that isn't nearly entirely self inflicted. i would assume you've already tried telling your dad to get his life together.....if you have, sometimes there's nothing you can do but move on. as an alternative to letting him into your house whenever he needs a place to go, force him to go somewhere else. this will be hard and you'll feel awful but it's for your own good. he will likely realize if he doesn't always have you as a backup plan that he's got to get his life back together. as for the wife.....dear god man, i'm sorry but she sounds like an insufferable b**ch. your friends may not want to see you because of her. having a baby is great and i don't suggest divorce or anything, but you need to sit her down and have a serious conversation about how she treats you and your loved ones. for her to neglect what your mother and sister have to say is completely unacceptable. you need romance in your relationship. when you're depressed you put less effort into everything in your life. all you have to do is maybe leave a couple love notes in places you know she'll find them eventually. under her pillow.....her glove compartment of her car.....her jeans pocket.....suddenly she'll begin appreciating you a lot more and being far more kind and loving.
The thing is I don't express myself at all. I've always kept my feelings to myself, even when I want to and know what I want to say it can't come out. And my friends don't stay away because of my wife. They love us around, it's just I feel like they don't want me around. The guys will go out or order a fight and never invite me and they know I'm always at home alone. And if my dad leaves and tries to come back and I say no to him. He will go to his friends who lets just say do bad things high in turn would get my dad on trouble which in turn I could have prevented if i let my dad stay with me. I understand my wife is pregnant and hormonal aswell so that may be where her attitude comes from but at the same time I just can't let my feelings out even when we fight I'll say a couple things and clam up. And for the record I've felt like his long before Iet my wife just always hid my feelings.
I think that if you verbalized how you feel (after taking a brief moment to consider what you want to say so it doesn't come out the wrong way) it would help you a lot. Unfortunately people cant infer exactly how others feel; we can guess by the cues they give but we are never sure and our perception can sometimes be inaccurate. so...talking to others helps to eliminate confusion and helps to resolve conflicts. Also I believe that marriages are made stronger by open lines of communication. My husband and I (for one example) communicate a lot and I believe it honestly reduces/diffuses any friction or disagreements. One specific thing I can suggest is that when you are dealing with a disagreement or argument, and you want to state your views and feelings, don't attack the person; attack the problem at hand. Never name call and never tear a person down as a human being. For example: Its one thing to call someone names and get angry and yell and carry on (this type of expression doesn't work well at all), but its another thing entirely to say something like "When you do ____ I get really angry because ______ happens and it makes me feel _____." OR another example: "I would prefer that you not _____ because____." (I find that this latter kind of response -attacking the problem as opposed to the person- works much better.)