I had an affair for about 2 months. We are in our 40s. Her husband had a small stroke and she needed space. That was when I realized I loved her. I was hurt after being out of town 8 days and come back and she needs another week. I realized she probably saw the relationship only in context of an "affair" and also felt more guilt after his stroke. That is understandable because those were the rules we understood. I told her I valued her more than an affair and realized basing a relationship off of lies would not be good for our future and I want a future with her. Her husband is out of town alot and disrespects her kids and her. I feel like she is not treated like she deserves. I know she and I are wrong and she admitted it too. I told her I love her unconditionally and I dont want to lose her totally. However we need to not cheat in anyway. So we are just talking briefly once or twice a month about our grown up kids mostly. She said she loved me but could not commit totally and neither can I right now because of health issues in our marriage. Anyway, it hurts so bad but I know we were doomed in the affair context. Do you think she appreciates how much I value her? Enough to deprive myself of gratification with the hopes of being together later? I know it was right to end it but I am heartbroken. Ever seen anyone get together later in life?
You have a tough question to answer. It might be helpful to read some books that I've seen on amazon.com about how relationships change after an affair, or try to get some personal counseling of your own. I just posted something a little bit similar on here. I don't see you as the bad guy,but a marriage is a commitment for a reason.