I am newly single woman. I should be happy and deep down I believe I am. The feeling is one of relief from the stress of a bad marriage. I have never lived alone.
I am afraid. Of "what if". Of things that haven't even happened. I am afraid of being afraid. What if something bad happens and I have to handle it alone? What if....and on and on.
I am afraid of losing my new boyfriend because of my insecurity. I hear that men like confident women. I am upbeat most of the time. I don't burden him with my problems. To make matters worse, we have a long distance relationship and he is working impossible hours. So my only communication with him is some one line emails from him which are very loving and sweet, but leave me aching for more. It will be like this for a few months, then should get better.
I tell myself to use this time to be independent and learn to be happy on my own.
I love him like crazy and need him so much right now. I have tried to tell him this, but the way I wrote the letter, he felt I was mad at him and was very hurt. I felt horrible.
I guess I am just very lonely. And scared. How can I tell him I am scared and lonely without making him feel inadequate and threatened. I feel this is what happens when I say something. He feels that he is doing all he can. Should I keep it to myself and vent to others until the time comes when he and I can spend more time together? A few months isn't that long. Right? I get so frustrated and emotional at times, then I talk to myself and I seem to snap out of if for awhile.
How do I maintain my sanity? How do I find a way to be happy alone. I know this needs to be my goal and will make for a healthier relationship. I feel I write to him too much. Can this be? aren't people in love supposed to do that? I write happy letters, encouraging him. Never whining or asking for help.
Am I doing ok? Am I being realistic? How do I find a calm happiness alone? I am so anxious.
Do not keep it in yourself, the negativity will build up even more. Trust me I going through it right now. I have so many negative thoughts its not even funny. Please talk to a friend and ESPECIALLY your boyfriend. I wish I had a girlfriend to talk to about my problems but I dont...