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Father Daughter relasonship/divorce

Hi my names is Christina im 16 years old

The reason im on here is because my parents divorced two months ago in december and iv been going through a rough time little bit depressed and stuff anyway i know normally adults come on here but iv been feeling extremely alone so i figure there has to be someone out there who understands how i feel

It basically started on november 29th my mom left my dad accused him of cheating (even though it was her who was doing it) in a fit of rage she started attacking him and punching him clawing at him and left in a huge whirlwind she smashed our car window out with the shovel ( i was watching from my room) and my dad for the first time EVER i saw him cry and i felt so terrible i started to cry to. So after that all was quiet for 2 weeks untill my mother comes home with her lawyer with her and sits myself my dad and my 14 year old younger sister down at the table my mom looked at my sister and said she was coming to live with her and the lawyer looked at me and said Christina the choicie is yours you can stay with your mother or with your father.


i looked at my mother and she was just smirking at my dad as if she AUTOMATICALLY assumed i was going to go with her and i said i want to stay with dad he didnt say anything my mom INSTANTLY goes into another whirlwind telling me how ungrateful i am what a disrepectful cheapskate lazy good for nothing daughter iv been my entire life and tells me im going to grow up to be a failure and a few other things i wont mention

So at the time i couldnt hold it in i started crying in front of everybody so my dad stands up and points at my mother and tells her to leave me alone and that he is grateful that im so faithful as to stay with him

So after i said my goodbyes to my sister she slipped me her email so we can still stay in touch ( so i was EXTREMELY happy about that)

My dad told me i could stay home from school for a bit if i wanted to just untill i felt better about the whole thing and i did but only for like 3 days

Finally on december 23rd he comes up to me and asks me how id feel about moving somewhere new a complete restart? (instantly thought anything to get away from here)

So it turns out because my dad was born in the UK we are allowed to move there :)

Instantly the divorce slipped from my mind all i could think about was the extreme excitment of moving to LONDON Smile))) lol i was very happy my dad was happy to see me that way aswell

so In january 2012 we packed our stuff and set out for the UK i live in westminister in a nice neighbourhood the houses are really funny looking here Smile and it rains ALOTTT hehe but i love it iv made lots of really nice friends Like i made this one guy his name is Nikolai hes from RUSSIA i know cool right Smile haha and hes really sweet and friendly he actully asked me on a date yesterday and im still debating weather to say yes but thats another topic lol

anyway so since venturing here my dad has gotten a job at canary wharf

but 10 or so days ago i was peeking in on him looking at a picture of my mom and quietly crying so me being at bit of a softy ( but i mean cmon im a teenage girl my emotions are soaring arnt they Smile so i burst open the door and ran to him and hugged him and we had a little cry together

But since january my dad and i have been well not so close i mean because i dont have a mom to ask girly questions you know PMS, dating, the way you look, you know those kind of questions it sort of puts my dad on the spot when ever i do and he just stalls and escapes it as quick as possible like not in a mean way but im sure everyone knows what i mean

So the date is february 7th i believe and if there is anybody who can offer advice to get closer with my dad and advice on how to deal with the divorce it'd be greatly appreciated

thank you tons for any responses

Cheers
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First Helper kristigraham
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replied February 11th, 2012
Community Volunteer
Sorry to hear about your parents Christina.

It is important that you have somebody to discuss intimate things with. A dad can only help so much, but for women things you need a woman.

If you cannot talk to your mom any more , I will suggest getting another adult woman you can trust. A friend's mom, a teacher, a councilor or whomever you can trust. Explain your problem and ask if they would mind advising you if you have questions or problems. We do not get born with all the wisdom in the world, even adult woman still have the need for advice.

If you can still talk to your mom, make use of that. She is after all your mom and her relationship with your dad does not change that.

Enjoy your time in London. It is one of the most amazing cities in the world!

Take care!
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replied February 11th, 2012
its so true about the dad can Only help so much and I do know a few people I could go to like that so Ty for the idea
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replied February 18th, 2012
Your Father is probably got lots of complicated emotions, and handling intimate questions suddenly seems overwhelming for him.

It is just a guess, but from what you said about the picture and him crying over your mom, he may feel even more sad to 'stand in' for her...confirming she is gone even more than just not having her there....replacing, you know ?

Might be something more or totally different....people are complicated.

If you want to get closer, the best way to do that is to offer the steps you would like to take with him, and let him choose the ones he can do, as he feels he can do them.

You can write down all your girly and teen and relationship and other questions....pick the top 10, and if there aren't a few you are pretty sure he can handle, throw in a few you can think of.

Tell him you love him, and that you have these questions that you can't ask just anybody, and it would mean alot if you could help you by answering, or just discussing a few of them. Maybe he can find someone he could trust to answer some he'd never feel OK to answer (at least for now), and he could point out some that he might feel more comfortable answering later, after a little calming down, or a little research (like with other adults, or whatever).

If there is just one question he can discuss with you, let him know how much it means to you, since you trust and depend on him, and you want to......use the words that are right for you...build his confidence.

Even if there is nothing he is willing to discuss, give him some appreciation for spending the time to look them over and think it over.

My theory is that he is uncertain and uncomfortable (though surely he loves you) and needs to take baby steps towards being the best advisor and confidante he can be.

This can help, and it is no guarantee.

If he cannot satisfy your questions, or find a confidante to assist you (that is acceptable for you), well young lady, you will have to look for someone to fill in. There are many sources for Counselors, and Health Advisors, some are paid or volunteer professionals, some are just good people and friends.

I wish you well
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