First things first, I used to be one of those who thought falling in love over the internet was a bunch of bull, and it was just plain creepy. Now it's happening to me. I've been single for awhile, and I was on another forum and started talking to this man from Sweden. We exchanged email addresses and started talking on MSN. I can't say that I walked into this thinking that a couple months later I was going to be seriously thinking about actually meeting him in the future.
He is a student living in Sweden, and I live in America. He is one year younger than me. Believe me, if I thought he was a creep I wouldn't be talking to him. He has a lot of things to back himself up, and he is a good person. He has youtube videos and takes pictures in real time.
(I know this because when I first starting talking to him and was unsure about him, because it IS the internet, I told him to write my name on a piece of paper and take a picture of it)
It's weird because I find myself not going out as much, the minute I get home I turn on the computer to see if he is online, and it seems he does the same with me. We talk about anything and everything. We are both very alike, and it pains me that he lives so far away.
Half of me is thinking...it couldn't be possible to visit him, possibly to fall for him more, and possibly leaving everything behind to stay with him there.
The other half of me wants to be an adventurist and just DO IT.
Either way, he says that even if I don't go there, he will come to America.
I'm just confused because this seems so radical to me, which it is, I know.
Part of me is thinking I may just be so infatuated because he is from a foreign place, good looking, he's just something different than what I'm used to. (I get bored with guys easily) But for some reason, he's held on to my attention even through typing on keyboards over the internet. Self admittedly, I feel that it is pretty pathetic.
I am reminded of the opening of the movie "You've Got Mail" a lot, when they can't wait to check their email. I find myself opening MSN before I even brush my teeth in the morning, just to say a few words to him before saying, "brb, I have to get ready". The minute I get home from work I go straight to my computer, which is something I've never done in repetition before. He tells me he does the same.
I'm confused as to what I should do. I feel in my heart that I have found a soul-mate and if not that a best friend. I'm scared to think that if I go to visit him, I may be risking a lot of things. I'm scared that I'll be a depressive mess if we do get along and I have to come back to my lonely house in boring small town America. I'm also scared to think that if I actually picked up and moved there, which I could see myself doing also. I'm not sure how my family would feel about that.
Anyways, I just want some thoughts about this, if there is possibly someone with a simular situation your advice or encouragement/stories would be greatly appreciated.
And I don't think it's going to matter if anyone says "Stop talking to him.." I've already plundged off the deep end. I know, crazy huh.
If he is the one, then it's not crazy. I can say this to you because I met my soul mate on the internet! Yes, at that time, everyone told me it was crazy to play with fire on the internet, but my girlfriend was already on the site and we agreed... meeting men at a bar was out of the question. Sooooo.... reluctantly I joined and I am sooooo very thankful that I did. I met my husband and soul mate on that site, and we are inseparable. Isn't finding your soul mate worth some risks? Some sacrifices? I think so. No one can guarantee that he/she will turn out to be your soul mate, but if you don't put your soul into that possibility, you may be passing on that one perfect soul mate for you. Trust me, it was not easy as I had multiple dates with losers, liars, bums and scums, and was actually going to quit the internet site when my credits ran out, but lo and behold, my last two credits, enough to send pics to him, ended up being just that, my last two credits because he turned out to be my soul mate. I have friends who it doesn't always work out that way, so I consider myself one of the lucky ones and the stars were in line that day. My opinion... if in your heart of hearts, he seems like the one, then it's worth it. Make sure you are seeing him clearly and not how you WANT him to appear (meaning put him up against your dream man and if he truly does fit...celebrate). You only truly live once!
Thank you so much. I actually asked this same question on another forum and people there weren't very encouraging. I just hope that things work out, because he lives in a different country I feel like i'm running after something thats extremely hard to catch. We obviously don't agree on the "cheating" thing, lol, but thats a very opinionated subject. (I do kind of agree with you, though, I vowed I would never EVER let a man cheat on me again, and if he did, his sh*t was OUT!) I just felt that she still loved her hubby and should try to work the damn thing out, good luck to her though. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement!
I met someone online as well. I was wondering how u an ur guy usually keep in touch. Also no one close to me is supportive of this girl I met but in my heart it feels so right. I would just like to how you're dealing with your online crush
You're welcome. We don't tell everyone we met on the Internet because it's a crap shoot. You will find some very supportive, and some who look at you like you have two heads and six arms.
Make sure you are not the only one making the sacrifices. I dated one man before my hubby, and I made all the sacrifices, not to mention put him put him up against my dream man which he failed on MANY aspects because I was seeing him through rose-colored glasses, and in the end got hurt and felt DIRTY after the dust settled. So.. make sure you are seeing him for what he truly is and not what you want him to be.
I will admit there are a lot of wackos out there, so just try your best to protect you and what you stand for, and the rest will hopefully fall into place.
As for poor Guinevere, unfortunately, love can blind so many of us... like me... and my sister and friend. But when one-sided love isn't enough and it begins to waver, she may wake up far too late, have invested far too much of her life and heart into it, she won't have the strength to leave... and she is left in a HATE-LOVE-HATE relationship... and that is not a healthy environment to bring up a child.
So true, If you don't mind me asking, how far away was your husband from you when you met on the internet?
Everytime I talk to this guy on the internet I think "Whhhhhy does he have to live so far away." And I get this feeling of sadness, and helplessness.
Sweden seems worlds away from here, and the fact that I may put myself up to go there in the future seems really daunting to me...
He told me that he would help me pay for a plane ticket to go see him, and he told me that he wanted me to stay there. I couldn't BEGIN to think of what I would say to my parents. They aren't big internet users, they think the internet is a scary thing. I want to tell them the truth, but they would never approve if I said, "Hey, I met a guy online and I'm going to Sweden to see him". Of course I could lie, which is probably what I will have to do, because they would worry, and that would make me feel bad, etc. etc.
But, I'm thinking, what the hell am I doing talking to this guy when there are other guys around me? And why have I dropped all the guys I was interested in before for a guy I've never met? That tells me something, that my feelings for him are that strong.
I feel like I would have to lie to everyone about this though, like this is one big huge secret. Because my parents would be freaked out, and would do everything in their willpower to make me not go over there. My friends would say...are you crazy?!? Honestly, I can't think of one person I know who would be supportive of this.
I know for a fact that I won't go over there unless he helps me pay for a plane ticket, I already told him that. I told him that I didn't want to be the only one making an effort. It had to be a joint effort if we wanted to see each other. Oh well, I haven't the money right now, and neither does he, so thats in the future. I just wanted to make sure I'm not crazy.
***Poor Guen, she'll know in her heart what is best for her. She seems like a stong woman as it is. You should have seen me when I discovered my exboyfriend was cybercheating...LOL.
I left the window open and waited for him to come into the room, then I pointed it out, "WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS?!?!" lol, I even sat there waiting for him and told myself "i'm not going to yell" over and over again. Then I saw him and blew up. I do not tolerate cheating in any way whatsoever. My past 2 boyfriends cheated on me. I was sort of glad that I found out though, because I know that obviously he's not right for me, or is immoral, or drunk & horny or whatever constitutes why men cheat.
But anyways, just bummed about the Sweden thing. If he lived here in the US I would have been there lickity split, but he doesn't and thats sad.
Thank you Caroline, I hadn't known about this statistic. The internet has always been a foggy thing for me, and I think that is why I'm so troubled by this. I wouldn't say troubled, maybe "unsure", but, who wouldn't be? I was always one of those people who replied "Get Lost.." to strange men who tried to contact me over the internet. And talking to people you don't know is just a waste of time and doesn't amount to anything. Then this one comes along, who doesn't seem strange in the least bit, time FLYS while we are talking, and he speaks perfect english. (with the exception of some words that aren't commonly used, like, water faucet..I thought it was so funny when he couldn't think of the english word for that.)
I think he appealed to me further because we have MANY of the same interests, and I think thats really novel given the fact that he lives someplace so foreign to me. It seems that he is like, "a brother from another mother" because we are so alike, and it makes me happy that I didn't say "Get Lost.." when he first contacted me.
Yeah, I agree with that completely though. I know that meeting someone you've been talking to for months on the internet is a scary thing. It scares me too.
I know that if I don't go there he has firmly communicated to me that he will come here. I was just thinking, hey! It's Sweden, a helluva lot neater than Midwest USA..but I agree with you.
I am a sound-minded person who analyzes even the smallest details (a burden, let me tell you), and if I notice even most minute thing that would make me feel uncomfortable, or unsure about the situation when I actually meet him, you can bet your butt I'm going to forget about him, strolling around Sweden like a tourist, and leaving for home REAL quick. LOL. I can fall for people fast, but fortunately I have the ability to forget them just as easily as I fall for them.
I met someone on the internet, he was what I thought to be the greatest guy I had ever met. We talked for about two months, learned everything about each other that we could and then eventually he came to stay with my family and I for about four days. He met my family and friends, was very nice and totally presentable to them, everyone got along great. We even slept together (big step I know). When he was here we spent some time admiring the local sites and by the time it came for him to leave he had said to me that he liked it here and wanted to move here and get a place. He seemed very happy, and all he could do was talk about "our" future together, then the day he left we said our goodbyes and we each looked sad and didn't want to leave each other but knew we had to. So sadly he departed and then the next day, he didn't call. Two days passed...he didn't call/text/IM/email, nothing. I IM'ed him the third/fourth day, asked him if everything was allright and then he replied, "theres just other fish in the sea" abruptly and told me not to talk to him anymore. Needless to say the guy was a COMPLETE jerk and totally ruined my trust in guys. Please be careful (or at least more careful than I was). I wish you the best of luck, and hopefully your guy is better than mine was!!
hello, i know this is a late reply and that you might not get this but im writing to you anyway in hopes that you will respond. Basically i would like to know how things are now and what happened with you and guy from far far away. The reason im asking is that i have found myself in the exact same position as you... My guy is in spam unapproved and we have found that we are completely in love with one another. He seems like my "soul mate" as you called it and i feel very much attached to him, and him me. Everything you described i feel the exact same way. We have plans on meeting, most likely him coming to the U.S. but we both cant afford it right now. Anyway i really want to know how things have turned out for you two... are you still talking? did you finally meet? Im curious about your story... Thanks!
hi I have the same experienced as what youve experience right now I am inlove of someone from the internet and it is so painful to think that he is so far away from me and it kills me when ever I think about having him beside me... i am so sad thinking that he is so far..... I am very lonely...
OMG I am so glad I ran across this forum. I am going through the same exact thing! Mine lives in Ireland, I have these crazy thoughts of moving there someday. I have no idea how I would ever manage that though. I think we both are not in financial situations where we can afford to fly to see the other one at this time. We just recently began our relationship, but I have fallen madly for this man and he has done the same. He even hesitated a bit and wanted to end things because he was afraid with our distance that I may meet someone else and just push him aside. I can't even look at another man without thinking of him. I can't make a move where he is not on my mind. I imagine him being here each day, and just try to think that with each day passing that is one day closer to us being together. I feel like he was sent my way for a reason though and I can't let him go. I don't know what to do.
Omg Nsyncdiva420! I feel the exact same way about mine.. He lives in South Africa and I live here. And as a gay couple it'd be pretty hard for him to get citizenship here where as it'd be easier for me there and I just don't know!! The fact that I'm thinking these thoughts.. we are really into each other and we both think in mind body and soul the other is perfect. I just.. never though I'd be in a serious long distance relationship but I'm really about to be in one. We can't get enough of each other.
I have the same problem but actually met the person over the course of 6 months in Mexico and I am in the United States. He sends me money to come visit him but I visit with girlfriends. I never imagined that I would fall for someone in another country but it happened. Who knows what will happen but we talk everyday over the phone and through email and he has plans of moving here (on his own)I have met his family and he has met mine. I hope there are people out there that this has happened to and it actually worked out.
Most people use the internet and most people use real life. Both can lead to relationships, and there is warranted suspicion for both areas. Neither may provide what first appears. Girl`s are programmed to believe that older men cannot be genuine and must always be hiding something, and by the same kind of process we seem to becoming programmed to always assume the same negatives here. There is less chance of honesty certainly, but no matter what the circumstances, by age, or anything else, there is always the chance of honesty.
You cannot know how you`d warm to the others space without physical presence, nor truly of spontaneity and physical chemistry (bodily interactions) - The chemistry equation is left far too incomplete. Personally, I`d take frienship quite seriously but I`d always entirely dismiss the love.
i met my love of my life and beautifull wife over the internet..il never forget her user name.. 247SexyMami247 mine was 1CrazyBastard26 we decided to meet in a bar... we had a couple drinks i farted and we fell in love
I am soooooo glad I found this forum. The guy I''ve fallen for lives so far away. Me in the US and him in Israel. We''ve been talking for awhile now, probably 5 months, but it''s so hard being SO far away.
WOW, I never knew there were so many people in similar situations. I met this guy a couple of years ago we were both on a car forum, there was a huge group of us then we all moved over onto a networking site, we are all friends but a couple of months ago right out of the blue me and this guy starting being really flirty, openly. Then we started talking privately on the site, then moved to msn, we talk for hours and hours, he's in spam unapproved, im in the ireland!!! (sucks) But we chatted on msn for a month and emails, then we decided for our one month aniversary we would have a proper chat, and then maybe in another month start using webcams, the reason were taking it slow is cause we know its gonna be a while until we can meet in person. He speaks to me like no man ever has, he has made me believe in love, i used to think it was just blah blah blah!!! were totally open with each other about how were feeling with each other, im soooo falling in love with him and i know he is with me, but i've said were not allowed to say it, yet!! He says he will come over and see me, are situations are difficult, but the way i think is you only live once, if this is meant to be we have to try or forever regret what might have been!! Good luck to you all, im sure alot of people would think were all crazy, but nice to know were not alone!