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Falling in love with bi polar man ?

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May 19th, 2010
I recently reconnected with an old friend from my past. We communicated by phone and email and fell hard and fast for one another even though it had been 26 years since we'd seen each other.

The first "episode" I noticed went something like this.....prior he was very loving and romantic, telling me how crazy he was about me, talks about the future. He then worked two grave yard shifts and suddenly "disappeared". His texts and calls dropped off and were not affectionate. Afterr a day or two he "bounced back" and the behavior I had become accustomed to was back. This happened twice in a 2 week peiod.

I made my first trip to visit him last week. We had a wonderful 4 day connection...very loving, romantic talks about future visits and plans. It was heaven! Right to the moment I left...and then the next day, nothing...texts dropped off, conversations seemed dry and cold. When I would send loving texts they went unanswered. He is still currently in this state...I left for home on Sunday and it is now Wed.

He told me when we first reconnected that he was undiagnosed ADD with a possibility of bi-polar.

Is this bi polar behavior? How do I respond? Do I pull back? Do I wait until he is through this depressed state to lovingly discuss what I am experiencing on the other end? I have my own co-dependent issues and it is really hard to not feel that it is me. I asked him in an email about his withdrawal and his response was "What do you mean?

Please help me understand what my behavior should be during depressed states and manic states (I'm starting to wonder if his "I'm crazy about you", "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." was all just a manic state.

Should I be running for the hills? The co-dependent in me wants to stay and help but I feel like the crazy one!!

Thanks in advance!
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First Helper Cindyrelli57
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nallan
replied June 15th, 2010
Don't run for the hills, help him out of his cave
I'm a married Bipolar man, so feel I can easily empathise with your friend. I would say that when he's gone quiet, he's feeling very alone, and most likely missing you very much. I have the same when my wife and children go away, even for short spells.

I know that I do function much better thanks to the love and care of my family. So if there's any similarity in your situation, then your presence is probably going to help him no-end.

I find that most of the time, my B.P. is well managed, and my specialist helps me to skip along the surface of what could otherwise be a very tumultuous emotional ride.

There are rare times though when life piles up, and B.P. takes hold. I'm coming out of a particularly bad phase at the moment, which is how I came to find your post. I've been looking for information on-line that might comfort me.

I remember when my wife and I first met, and she was in a very similar dilemma as to whether to stay with me or not. I think she was anxious about our future children from inheriting the condition from me. I decided that although I loved her very much, I needed to give her the freedom to stay or leave. I owe a lot to a friend of hers who gave the advice: "Bipolar Disorder is not life-threatening in the way that heart-disease or cancer is, and yet you probably wouldn't stop yourself from getting involved with someone with either of those conditions."

Love is always a risk. It would be no fun otherwise.
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Cindyrelli57
replied June 15th, 2010
Supporter
eelimac,

I am a 52 year old women diagnosed 5 years ago. Prior to that I was living a normal life. My psychiatrist told me this disorder can happen to someone like myself who was going through overwhelming stress. I want to say although the disorder is not curable, it can be managed, as long as the person is doing their part, accepting and acknowledging they have a problem and seeking treatment. At least he was honest about his problem but unless he gets help and on the medication that helps him, you will get so dissappointed, feel lonely, and think it might be you. Personally I do not recommend a relationship with an untreated bi-polar person. They have to take responsibility for their illness and find help. Nallan and I are both on medication, get the extra help when we need it so we can have loving relationships. This is why our families can be supportive and helpful because we our doing what we can to help ourselves. I am also very lucky to have so many loving family and friends who are very supportive and helpful. However if I would not have gotten the help I needed, I doubt they would be able to handle the manic episodes and the depression. Only those of us who are BP can understand the turmoil that exists within ourselves. Believe me it is not easy. But I don't want you to subject yourself to the pain he may cause you as a result of not being treated.
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monti
replied July 27th, 2011
Well I need help and advice, I met my hubby while working in a homeless community.He was so dam cute and sweet to me so long story short I fell in love with this man knowing he had a drug problem and he promised me he woudl leave the drugs alone just to be with me, so he did. After a couple of months he moved in with me. I helped him with clothes and things. The best thing he was so dam clean OCD and was very loving. And can still be.Now I got him to therapy and all that stuff and all was well for a while. He was in a accident a couple of months ago and since then all has changed. he says that I have been having a affair with the some man and also say he knows that at night I get up and hav e sex with this person and that he has seen me with this person. So now he left home and is staying on the streets but I'm now really sure what he is doing.But I know he came to me saying that he was sorry and that he loves me and wants to help me. but he does not understand he needs to go get help and that he needs to be in a hospital. I did call his doctor and left her a message she has not return my call. he refuses help and refuses to come back home. I'm lost and I dont know what to do. I have prayed and prayed. I love him to death and I know that he is a good person, but he is a latino man who thinks he can do this on his own. he hears things and see things that are not there. Please someone help me and tell me what I should do. Thank you

Monti
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Reggiane
replied July 27th, 2011
Experienced User
Going back to Eelimak's question, yes it is BP behaviour to just 'disappear', to change his or her mind, to stop loving, to change the way they treat you.All the posts here somehow tell the same story, it is so predicable. My own love is far, far from me, got another woman,says it is nothing important but he is with her, as for our loving wonderful relationship, he seems to have forgotten it all. They are like that when not medicated, mine is in denial about his condition. he behaves incredibly bizarre and only him cannot see it. Mine also said exactly the same words, he would spend his all life with me and now for no apparent reason he wants nothing to do with me. I havent changed, I havent cheated on him, I havent let him down in anything, Im absolutely the same woman he loved. Now he doesnt and it is the BP talking.
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AgainSeriously
replied July 28th, 2011
Experienced User
EELIMAK:

RUN! RUN FAST! IF WE HAD THE COURAGE OUR HEARTS WOULDN"T BE SO TORN UP. PLEASE DO YOURSELF A GIANORMOUS FAVOR AND RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!! BEST ADVISE, I PROMISE.
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