Ever since I can remember, I’ve been having feelings for other girls. At first it was just curious thoughts, which I’m sure is normal for everyone. I would wonder what it would be like to hold hands with or kiss another girl. I thought a few of the girls in my class were pretty. But I predominately liked boys.

Then suddenly, when I was 13, I went to camp and met this girl I’ll call “Jane”. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and extremely nice. It really didn’t take long for me to realize I had a crush on her. We became friends and spent a lot of time together, but I suppressed my feelings for her the whole time. Admittedly, they sort of scared me. That was the first time I had ever felt something like that for another girl.

When camp ended, I came home and never heard from “Jane” again. But from that point on, it was as though someone flipped a switch. My interest in boys began to wane, and I got more and more interested—fascinated, even—at the prospect of being with another girl. I found myself checking out girls as they walked by and paying more attention in the locker room than I used to. I even developed more crushes, like the one I’d had on “Jane”. But through all of this, I refused to say or even think that I was gay or bisexual. I kept on reasoning that it was just a phase that I would eventually grow out of.

Well, almost three years have gone by, and I haven’t grown out of it. If anything, it’s all gotten even more intense. Though I do have a boyfriend, and I think he’s very cute, I just don’t have any desire to do anything physical with him. We hardly even kiss. On the flip side, I have very vivid fantasies about being with other girls. So by now I’ve conceded that I’m probably at least bisexual.

Now, I am and always have been a very big supporter of the gay community. So are my parents—I was raised in a household in which I was taught that everyone should have equal opportunity. But I don’t really feel like I can talk to them about this. I can’t talk to any of my friends about it either, because many of them are religious and don’t agree with the GLBT lifestyle. So for about four years now, I’ve been keeping all of this to myself.

But I’m growing tired of it. I have formed very strong bonds with girls who I’ve had feelings for, but it’s been very trying, emotionally speaking, knowing that they are straight and I don’t have much of a chance with them. I’ve tried to get into therapy to talk about this, but my parents don’t want to spend the money when everything seems fine with me on the outside. Of course I put on a happy face for them, but on the inside, I’m really losing sleep over this.

So, I guess in the end all I’m asking for is advice. I’m still not sure if I’m gay, bisexual, or if it is actually “just a phase”, but if anything, I’m EXTREMELY confused. If anyone could help me out, it would be very much appreciated.