I am 30 years old. I have had near constant worry for 3 months. I remember when it started exactly. I was sitting at home and a thought occurred to me that I may have made a mistake on something at work I did 2 or so months before. I analyzed and reanalyzed the situation over and over again. I wrote to the client to attempt to decrease the likelyhood of any problems. Then I remembered another situation and another situation where I may have may a mistake. These are not clearcut mistakes, but "maybe" this could cause a problem in the future kind of mistakes.

I then discovered a mistake in the form our office uses. My boss, who has had 30 years of experience in this field, is the one who created this form and trained me to use it, but we would both be legally responsible for any mistakes that result. He is passive agressive. He pretends to know what he is doing, but he actually does not. All of the mistakes I am worrying about are from doing things he told me would be correct to do. I believed at the time he knew what he was doing, but I now know he does not.

Anyway, now I cannot stop thinking about these mistakes. I find errors in everything. I went through 20 years of files (by myself) looking for mistakes. Those that I found I attempted to correct or at least decrease the likelyhood of damages by contacting the clients. Here is the problem. I work in a complex profession where I could be sued for any mistakes I may make years in the future. Ten or Fifteen years in the future. This presses all of my fear buttons. My boss will not help me fix these problems he created or take them seriously.

I am so stressed trying to fix these problems. I can no longer trust my own thinking. I cannot tell if a particular problem is real or if I am blowing it out of proportion. I see the worst case outcome in every case. I don't know when to stop trying to fix a real or imagined problem and hope for the best. It doesn't help that I am dealing with this alone. Probably, nothing will come of any of this. Nothing ever has in the 20 years my boss has been doing business, but I visualize me 10 years from now getting sued for $100k and having to declare bankruptcy. I visualize this over and over again. Or for some reason I cannot declare bankruptcy and they garnish my meager wages and take my car and I never get to go on vacation or enjoy myself ever again. It is making me miserable. I lost 8 pounds in the last 3 months from the worry.

I have always been a little bit of a worrier, but never this bad. I think that I had a rational stress response to a real situation, but it triggered some crazy obsessional thinking and paralyzing anxiety and depression. I have lost all sense of perspective. I quit my job because I was about to crack. I am still there though until he gets a replacement. I am still trying to fix these "problems" before I leave. When I do something easy and simple now I check and re-check it and feel I might not have done it "right." My confidence and self esteem are wrecked.

I cannot enjoy my life anymore. I feel I have lost control. Sometimes I am Ok, but then I remember "the problems" and overwhelming fear seizes me. This had been happening for 3 months now. I am annoying my family with my constant need to reassured that I am alright and I will not be sued.

Basically, I am doing all I can to correct "the problems," but I don't know if I am doing it right or whether it is 100% "fixed." I keep imagining future outcomes where the mistake I tried to fix will still come back to hurt me.

I really want to face the fear, but this particular fear being so uncertain speculative and future based, I cannot confirm for certain whether my perceived problem will be a real problem or not. I know I need to get over it. If I get sued and have to declare bankruptcy then I will just have to deal with it at that time. I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting to see if I will get sued. That's like spending your life waiting to die.

Oh, this has spread to other areas of my life too now. I worry that something I said about someone was overhear and I will be found out and they will hate me and never speak to me again. I feel guilty and keep playing these thoughts over and over again like the work worries. Even now I am worried if I post this it will be traced back to me and something negative will happen.

I am a Christian so I have been praying. It has helped some. I hope that when I leave the job and remove myself from the triggers the worries will fade over time. I don't really want to take medication, but I would if I had to. I might try therapy, except soon I will be uninsured and unemployed. I have noticed that this seems to follow my menstral cycle somewhat. It gets worse just before I start my period. It may a partially physical problem. I do get this strange bitter taste in my mouth everytime I get really worked up with these thoughts.