I'm a 21year old male.

I have extreme absent mindedness, short term memory problems, and had mood swings and maybe even borderline depression.

Problem is, I don't know how all these started and I've never been like that before. For the past few years, I've been struggling to cope with the above stated symptoms and the consequent (seemingly) lost of ability.

All this begin when i was around the age of 14. At that time, I faced considerable stress from school and at home. My parents were constantly trying to make me into what they wanted, and on my part, I was a stupid kid rebelling for the sake of wanting to be different.

From age 15-18, there were times when I thought suicide was the easy way out, and there were nights when I cried myself to sleep. It was around the same time that I begin to have, or it could be that I begin to realize that I was suffering from memory and attention problems. I don't know which.

A classic example can be seen from lectures in school. They were usually an hour long and at the halfway mark, I would start experiencing fatigue beyond measure. It was as if that if I lied down on the table, I could probably go to sleep immediately.

The irony (and most painful part) of this was that I had no problems learning at all.

There were no problems with understanding complex theories or equations that two thirds of the class couldn't understand. I could and would even explain what I learnt to my 'slower' classmates.

However, all these new found knowledge go up into smoke the day after. Somehow, I couldn't remember how to go about resolving those problems anymore.

I felt like the smart guy that never was. And it was torturous, like a bird in a cage that had wings but couldn't understand why it could never fly into the horizon.

From 16 onwards, I went into a cycle of mood swings, developed an inferiority complex and a habit of eating when I was sad (which was when I became obese). In front of family and friends, I was a healthy, fun-loving young adult. But I was broken.

On the neurological end, I felt bouts of numb tingling sensations to the back of my head (on the right) and also ocassionaly on one side of my face. Such episodes lasted not more than 10 seconds each time, and at a frequency of once a month.

I also noted a few incidents when water spilled out of my mouth while I was drinking and saliva dripped from my mouth before I could realize it.

I never could figure out if it was the emotional problems that resulted/contributed to the onset of memory and attention diffculties, or the other way round. Nevertheless, they sure helped each other into a never ending, downward spiraling cycle for me.

These problems were at their peak when I was 17-18; I failed my college promotional examinations and had to do a repeat year.

Since then, I've sorted out myself greatly. Some problems have gone away quietly on its own such as the bouts of numb tingling sensations at the back of my head. Also, I no longer feel as fatigued as before. However, the memory problems still persist and it has been affecting me significantly.

This is especially so with absent mindedness that seems to have grown with my new job as an accounts assistant. Following are 2 examples:

1. I answered a call for X (a colleague) and was told to write something down on a another guy's table. I got it done, only to realize that I was holding on to X's pen from his table. Didn't even realize that I had grabbed his pen.

2. 5mins ago, I completed X company's accounts. Now filling out Y company's details on a document, I wrote down X's company name instead. I didn't notice the error until another colleague pointed it out to me.

These could be common mistakes but if I am doing it once a day at the age of 21 then I reckon there must be some serious underlying problems with my head.

It's affecting me, it's affecting the people working around me because they have had to take extra precaution while working on my input and simply and undeniably, it makes me seem real stupid.

I went to see a neuroscience doctor last year, did some MRI scans and stuff but (fortunately or unfortunately) all the tests came out ok. The only noteworthy thing the doctor said was that the only reason for me having memory problems would be depression, which led me to think that the above neurological problems could be somehow linked to my emotional state of mind stated in the past.

I was googling for 'absent mindedness forums' and ended up here.

I don't think there are any solutions but hopefully, someone could offer a miracle pill for me to try / talk about similar experiences / give an explanation as to what I'm suffering from.

If you made it to the end of this post, I wish for your forgiveness for my rantings.

To a better tomorrow,
Ed