I am 18 and always been consumed by the feeling of worthlessness, its no pity lusting normal sadness. Its not that im sad by effects on me. But more of the world. Iv come to realize that nothing is relevant and that life has no real meaning. I dont believe in some fake god, an afterlife seems unrealistic, and the way the world seems to go I fear the future. I see more people I cant tolerate and more stupidity consuming people. This has created me to not want to be in this world. Yes iv had depression from emotions and my lifes suffering but I can handle those. The fact is I wake up every morning wondering what do I do now. I cant work because the mass population in my town and the corruption iv seen here. I dont really have a family, and at times I despise my friends and everyone I see. I cant escape because money controls everything but I cant get money because the lack of work here, im trapped. The military has been my last stop and seems the best for me, but I still wonder to myself is this feeling of pointlessness and nihilism is ever gonna go away. Iv tried to change my mind on things and see the positives but its short lived and I give up trying to kid myself. And yes ofcourse I feel alone on these feelings as alot of people do. Most even choose suicide because they dont like the world, but when death is just as pointless I become stuck between the white and black. I can choose to live and be unhappy with the things around me and the whole world seems so far away and impossible to visit to explore new places. Or just eliminate myself from this world and feel nothing and be non existent, and ofcourse I feel that death is scary because the idea that someone cant exist is hard, its a pre-birth but even that doesnt help. Hell I dont know, I dont even know why im typing this out, I want to give up trying to find reasons to be happy. There doesnt seem to be any. I dont feel sad for people that kill themselves unless I was personally able to stop it, I dont feel sad for really anyone though, not even myself. Iv always conflicted in my head wondering if these are real mental problems or something iv created. In conclusion, I dont know. Plain and simple, I dont know anymore. Nothing is right and I worry it will never be right. I dont know what I expect people to say to this, or even if ill listen. But its better to always try.
Maybe we should for the lack of a better word, just not give a flying #$%^, I don't mean be stupid or cruel or even end your own life, but just let it go, correct our own little corner of the world the best we can and at least try to have some fun, at least as much as we can.
Imagination and wisdom always seem to help. Be a little more pro active and do whatever you can to make the world better. I don't mean that we can change it all, but we can change things in our lives, turn negatives into positive.
Oh and a change of heart always helps, if that hasn't happened already. Seek your first love, that doesn't mean find the woman that you first met. Get back to where you want to belong as the beatles say.
WE give things their values, and we will always keep our values, even people who believe in god know its ridiculous to do or like things just because "god says its right", what you must do is try to understand that we are not that different from non-ateists... what moves MOST of them is not fear of their god but the things they actually like!
And, i know it helps...
I KNOW how you feel, i swear i have the exact same problem and thoughts that never "give up" inside my head.
Im from brazil and i know how it is to feel alone with such a different problem, it feels like no one can actually understand your problem and you dont really want to share this suffering with more people...
If you want to talk about it feel free to ADD me on the MSN