Right not long ago I posted my situation on these forums, and I thank you all for the replies which I got towards that post.. It was about my ex Bipolar girlfriend.. she stated to me that she wants to be friends.
We were in a strong and healthy long distanced relationship for 19 months (it would have been 20 on the 14th of this month) until I found out 3 weeks ago that she was cheating and seeing somebody else behind my back, as you may know I was devestated.. I gave her some time to think about her decision (about 1 week) because of the fact I love her to pieces..
I have stated to her I can not be friends because she has moved on so fast to somebody else, I say that it is a rebound relationsip, but she says it's not because it's how she feels, this is what she wants, but I really know deep down it is a rebound.
When we first met, she was in a mess, she didn't have many friends, she didn't go out much.. Her days consisted of School > Bath > Eat > Sleep.. Everyday.. but one day we met on the Internet, things changed, I thought I made her slightly more happy than usual. In my opinion I made her feel slightly less unhappy, she opened up, told me about her past, told me about how ex's have miss treated her etc, at the time I was of course sympathetic.
Over times, things have changed, she has reached 18 now so she is legal to go out clubbing and drinking.. She met a another boy on a night out (the one she is with now).. they started talking and it took them 2 weeks from when they met to get completely together, which of course made me feel heartbroken because of the fact it took me 9 months for me and my ex girlfriend to actually meet for the first time. It felt like everything I had done for her was pointless, I felt like a pile of crap if i'm honest.. Not long ago she stated that she was with this boy so that it is possible to go out more with him and his friends, because he is 'popular' and she never really had that many friends to begin with.
Just today, we were speaking about things, yesterday I tried to cut off contact completely.. but that failed becasue she replied to me the next morning. I just couldn't help myself..
She states she will NEVER feel the same for me again.. She could NEVER be with me again, even in years down the line.. This hurt me like hell because I don't know what i've done wrong.. I know the distance is probally one of the reasons, but she moves closer next month to go to University, (which she will be in another long distanced relationship with the boy she is currently with).
I'm so confused because I treated her so well, I was always there when she needed me, I would do anything she asked, If she needed space I would give it to her, I would kiss her, hold her hand, tell her shes beautiful, tell her how proud of her I am with how well she is doing in Sixth form, I would have done ANYTHING for her, yet she states she can't be with me because we've already tried and failed twice.
2 weeks after finding out about her cheating, we exchanged e-mails once a day because I had cut off 95% of our contact, this was the only way we would speak. I would exchange my emotions, say everything I could possibly say, I could not say any more to convince her.. but she did say she would do anything to keep me in her life as she needs me there for her.
Right now I have given up, today I have cut off contact completely, things ended well, although things escalated earlier on.. She made it clear that she doesn't want nothing to do with me anymore, she doesn't want a future with me, she said this several times, I texted her saying:
"ok, I accept yout decision then, but if you ever have any regrets please contact me, I can't do this anymore"
In reply, I got:
"thankyou, I will. Look after yourself Peter"
The convoersation continued a little, it seemed like neither of us wanted to stop talking to one another.. but basically I wished her luck with her A level results (which are due to be given out on Thursday).. She said she will contact me and tell me wheather she has made it into univsersity or not, and what she's going to do.. What should I do about this? She knows I'm proud of her and stuff, but won't this just be back to square one for both me and her the fact shes talking to me and I'm replying the same day? It is an important time in her life though.. Thursday pretty much decides her future and education.
Anyways, moving on.. the last 3 texts which we exchanged where..
"Okay then, that's one thing to hope for then.. it will just be hard not to pick up my phone and contact you, but it's for the best.. time will only tell if we're meant to be together or not. I hope you will regret everything you've said etc, but if we decide to try again we will have to repair alot of things, I won't get my hopes up about this though. I will miss, care, love you and never forget about you, you were the first person I truely loved and personally I never thought I would feel the way I have about you if I'm honest."
In reply to that..
"Time will tell yes, this is best for you. I will miss and care aout you too, If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here, don't forget that."
The final reply..
"Best for me? More like best for you, because you need this time, I don't, this is a horrible situation, I hate it. Same, you can talk to me also, but please only talk to me if you desperately need me, otherwise, your friends can help you instead of me, Loving and missing you always <3"
I don't know what to do.. I know sometime on Thursday she is going to talk to me about her results and things, It's going to be hard keeping my emotions in tact and stopping myself from talking about wanting her back really bad.. I know I should let go but it's so hard :/. I feel like everything I do is just pointless, like nothing will change her mind, even if I was the most important and perfect person in the world..
I don't know if this is just an act of Mania.. I say to her that she may regret this decision sometime within the future.. she states that she just won't.. Maybe she is right, maybe she is certain that she won't feel that way but i'm just curious to know..
Do bipolar people let go of the people they love most? Do they regret things which at a present moment in time they seem so sure about what they want and think back and just regret it, or are they certain about how they feel and just stick to it their whole lives? Will she ever want me back, will she ever miss, worry or even think about me? All these questions, I think about and they make me upset.. Despite everything.. I still love the girl, she was amazing in my mind, I accepted her for who she was, not what she looked like.
I just know the person she is with right now will treat her badly at some point, he won't fully understand what she is like, how often she has her moods and will never understand why because he probally won't research about Bipolar as much as I have over the months..
I hope one day I have her back in my arms, I hope we have the future which we both planned with one another, I hope we do get married and have the children we said we were going to have.. but at this present moment in time, she is like a brick wall which is impossible to break down, she seems like she has made her mind up.. Maybe if we don't talk for months, she may come running back.. I'm not sure..? Maybe it may be to late, maybe I may I have moved on by then but she will always be that special girl who changed me into a better person, I will always have feelings for her no matter what.
Thanks in advance for reading my story, I appeciate it, feedback from Bipolar patients will be MUCH helpful.