I'm not sure why I'm writing this if i'm honest, i have no idea whats wrong with me or why i'm feeling like this so i'm unsure anyone else can answer it, guess i'm just hoping in a way other people have been through a similar situation.
When i was younger i always used to think depression was for attention seekers and people that felt sorry for them selves, it used to puzzle me how someone could feel sooo upset inside they'd contemplate self harm/Suicide. In the past 18 months or so since leaving school i've kinda just drifted through life relying on other people to support me, friends, family etc. In the past 12 months or so i feel soooo depressed and lonely, i have no friends, no immediate career prospects, no hobbies, no job, nothing. I worry about everything, even things as small as If i've remember to turn all the lights off in the house and stuff. It drives me insane, i can't sleep atall, no matter what time i get in bed i havn't been able to actually sleep before 5am in atleast a year now, i don't know why i'm feeling like this and it's driving me insane. I have no motivation to do anything atall, i don't leave my house unless i absolutly can't avoid it, i don't like socialising with people, especially new people. I get really self concious and think everyones looking and staring at me, why would they be? I'm not the centre of attention, people have got more important things to do.
Things that 12 months ago would have made me happy, don't even make me smile anymore, i feel as though i have no purpose in life, i wake up and what is there to do? I have no Job to go to, no friends to speak to or anything. Even when i can think of something to do, i have no energy or motivation to do it and procrasinate until someone else does it. I'm NEVER hungry when foods been cooked, i always have a really strong appetite for something in particular but then i go and cook it, take a bite and then the thought of eating anymore makes me feel sick. EVERYTHING seems to irritate me, i fly off the handle and lose my temper at THE smallest of things, someon could be talking to me about something i knows not %100 true and i lose my temper at them, i don't mean to and then an hour or so later i'm sorry about it but then i continuesly do it. In the past 6 months or so I've turned to buying nice things for my self with every penny i have in the hope that it will cheer me up but it doesn't work, it keeps me ammused for an hour or so but then, it sits in my room and doesn't even get looked at ever again. I just feel so alone and Un-needed, what is my purpose?! My family are getting fed up of keeping me now, which is kinda understandable really but it just gives me one more thing to worry about, what if they kick me out? what will i do? where will i go?
With any luck it's just a phase that will eventually pass but i've been telling my self that for too long now, i need to do something about this, i'm not sure how much longer i can go through life feeling like this.
1st post on here so if it's in the wrong place or anything then I'm very sorry, any help and advice will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading, i realise it's a pretty long winded/Pointless post really.
I just read that and it made me feel pretty sad to be honest, I feel depressed also, I feel I have no purpose, and I flip out at the smallest things, sometimes I deny the fact I could be depressed, and some other times I feel there is something seriously wrong:S, I used to be so happy, and popular, but I've let myself fall, and I keep myself to myself, I avoid leaving the house and I always try and skip school, because it makes me feel so sad and miserable, I've self harmed before and I feel the same as you do, I've just found this site and this is my first response to something, I just don't know what to do anymore, and I cant even tell my parents, I'm embarrassed too. I can't give any advice, but it would be nice to talk.
The simplicity of a pathetic life is beyond intellect
I'll introduce myself after the following links, read steps 1-15 on this link, hope it helps:
Those thoughts of yours, 90% of it have been repeating inside my head for more than 4 years already.. I'm 24, a licensed nurse , no clinical experience, bored, broke (doesnt give a damn), selfish (in nature), indifferent (agree, a lil psycho too), and in a self-claimed state of pragmatic severity (with an impractical vow of poverty haha).. You're actually quite smart, cautious, and more articulate than i am. I also noticed your sense of politeness and etiquette. In other words you see the world inside and out, doing it all on your own, (not only do you feel alone, but you are alone indeed)..
Here's the thing, you're depressed (major one). It's either you couldn't connect with others (due to unknown or known underlying causes) or others couldn't connect with you, since you're emo (ok deny it, no problem). My first tip, be aware when youre in depressive mode, then STOP thinking (when you're in a morose state, what else would run in that emotional/ unmotivated mind except for being unhelpful?).. And people like us with no motivation or purpose, doesnt really need one for a solution.. First thing we need is a reconnection in the world, just like a new born baby no care in the world, but just to survive and exhibit one's cute lil ass (yeah babies would have been freakin depressed too if they had our adult ability to think). And to do that, just do the "steps 1-15" in the LINK above (another one below).. If you ask why? no reason, we have nothing else to do anyway, just close your eyes, find silence in your mind, then JUST DO IT.. eventually (it may take long- who cares?) you'll turn from an extraordinary menace into a normal functioning creature with a purpose someday! (believe or not, that's how other ALL usual people did it - emphasized or not)
P.S who you are, what you do, and where you are is none of my business, but hey, have a good day! =D
Hi, I have a job m engaged and am a mother to a perfect 1 year old boy. All of that does not make me any happier, people don't like being around me I guess it's because of this depressive vibe I have going and quite frankly I don't give a crap what they think. My relatives say I push them away but then again they are gossiping fake people whom I don't like pretending to like so I stay away and really don't mind if they do the same. I just want to be alone people irritate me I see right through them. I am content when I am alone not making small chats with anyone and my fiance is getting irritated by all this he can go to hell too if he wants.
for the most part I'm the same way. I don't even feel the need to get up in the morning. all there is to do is drive my GF to work then i just go back home and do absolutely nothing. feels like i have no purpose. I also fly off the handle in the littlest inconvenience. I have a few close friends but in the last year or so have distanced myself from them. I always think everyone has a hidden agenda. i seem to think they only phone when they want something. I have a hard time trusting anyone.
I am feeling the same way-horrible feeling and i dont eat i have two little boys they eat more than me-imagine-my husband doesnt understant doesnt even try to,today i noticed tiny wounds in my mouth i have showed him didnt even bother to say anything although most of my negative thoughts starts with him or being around him.i hate myself for being stupid behaving stupid and avoiding to take responsability for my life.no friends ican trust i feel if i will tell them they will tell others which i dont want at all so i m keeping everything to myself,i dont tell my mum bcs i dont want to stress her my sister doesnt understand how pperson cant eat or sleep so thats why i am here-on internet at least i can tell it to the whole wide world ...i wouldnt mind to be a research object if only i would get any kind of help.
I feel for you all.. I have also felt all the things you have described.. I have done a few things to make my self feel better. One I take Magnesium 2X a day I know sounds silly but it helps my I have a lot of anxiety and it helps me... I find that people like me do have some form of vitamin deficiency. Now you might need something extra to help besides vitamins but please try them first it is healthier and I found if I took anti depressants or other prescription meds I usually got worse in the end..
So I have learned
Anxiety means you are living in the future
Depression means you are living in the past.
We need to control our thoughts to try to live in the NOW. This takes a WHOLE lot of work but really does work.
I have anger problems that stem from my anxiety so I am trying to meditate I also try to do exercise a few times a week..
I also find I an hyper sensitive in all ways. For example I can feel energy and be influenced by other people around me mood or energy. I have to find a way to control it or to walk away..
I really hope this helps.. I think you are all writing in a wonderful way.. Accepting that you do have a problem and you can fix this.. Like everything it does take a lot of work and you have to want it bad. I wish you all good luck..
The lady with the 1 year old baby should go to a doctor you could have postpartum depression and that is very serious.. My cousin jumped out of the 10th floor after having her 2nd baby.. She used to be a super happy person. Please get checked..