i have depression and at night it gets alot worse than during the day, but it often comes when my family are asleep and i dont want to be a burden and wake them up. when i get like that i feel isolatted and trapped and dont see the point in living if i have to wake up the next day and do it all over again.
when it gets realy bad i just start crying and cant stop im being treated and am seeing councilors and a mental health nurse once a week and a psychiatrist once a month but it just seems hopeless. im always feeling isolated and like everyone elses lives would be better of without me, the only reason i am still here is because of my boyfriend. the last thing i want to do is hurt him but recently i just feel like he could find someone alot better who he doesnt have to worry about.
Firstly you say the depression gets worse at night than it was earlier in the day. This is likely to be just a basic sympton of depression called diurnal mood variation. What this simply means is our moods go from one extreme to the other during the day. It can be best morning, worst at night or the other way around.
What it normally tells me is you are not appropriately medicated as this variation drops off with meds usually. I'd even suggest lithium as at least a short term answer. It is not JUST for bi polar, it evens out our moods.
Brief summary? Too many counsellors and not enough shrink contact. Once a week would be best and drop the counsellors back until you have some control on this.
No, you are a valuable person in the grip of a terrible ilness and I do not think you are getting the right treatment or drugs.
See the shrink with these changes in mind and ask for his opinion.You see counselling is virtually useless if the depression is dominant. At this stage they are just someone to listen to you cry and be sad. No help at all.
I am very serious about the lithium. I used it at a similar stage about 10years ago and the variations stopped quickly and life became manageable suddenly. Still very depressed but at the same level all the time. Meds were then used to reduce those symptoms and today I am OK.
Never give up hope and never blame yourself. It's an illness and needs effective treatment which is very hard to find. Are you in the UK and have little choice about who you see? I;m in spam unapproved and see who I need to. Our system is very good.
i am in the u.k, and because im only 16 they dont want me to be any more medicated. instead i have to see more councilors but its not helping, and they are the experts and i cant speak out about how i feel.