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Q: emotionally needy
asked by: jems on August 8th, 2009
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My boyfriend and I used to hang out all the time, He works nights so on his nights off we would hang out till the wee hours of the morning. My mom asked if I could limit this to only one night a week two at the most. I'm not realy young, but I do respect my moms wishes as I do live under her roof. Anyway I told my boyfriend that I couldn't hang out so late so much, we are both fine with it. He picked up some more shifts at work which is a good thing but I feel like I never see him anymore. Now he has less time off all he wants to do with his time off is hang out with his friends and sleep. I understand the need for friends and sleep but he sleeps all day so I dont get why he has started sleeping more at night too. I am also starting to feel jealous of his buddies it seems like they always get to see him while I get to see him for a coffee at eight in the morning on his way home from work. Is there anyway I could bring this up with him without making myself sound needy?
I am usually not needy so when we first started dating I told him to not bother talking to me everyday cause I didnt want either of us to become dependant because I notice more and more people becoming too dependant on eachother (something i've been taught doesnt work) However I am finding that I want to be more dependant on my boyfriend as I am getting closer to him emotionally.
Jems
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W0LF
replied on August 11th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Yeah Jems
Next time you're having coffee with him say "Hey this is really sucking, I need more time with you. I know you're working a lot more now but could I have one night a week where it's just us?" if his schedule won't allow it, be gracious but explain you miss the time you guys had before when you could hang out all of the time. Offer to talk to your mom. Sounds like you have a good relationship with her. I think if you explain how the change is making you feel she'll be flexible.
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jems
replied on August 11th, 2009
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That sounds really good actually. And I think my mom would understand. One big problem she had with it was I would sleep in the next day (I work as a substitute teachers aid so I have summers off) I have two little brothers that are 9-11 years younger than I am and she likes me up early to spend time with them. I can see where she is coming from, their dad left in February and my life has been put on hold (which I don't mind because they are worth it) so I can help them through this difficult time(cause I've been there). However with all the time I spend at home with them and trying to be emotionally steady for my mom and the boys I was finding that I went out even less than before even tho I am off all summer. I am sure she would understand tho.
He is on days now for a month, next month it will be back to nights.
Jems
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lizzy_09
replied on August 11th, 2009
Experienced User
Well, if he's into day shifts then you have time to discuss this matter with him. I totally agree with WOLF. Tell your BF that you miss those times you've had together and if those days affect the schedule with your mom's kids, then try to make some arrangements. You also need time for yourself and your man.
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jems
replied on August 11th, 2009
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Yeah this month with him on days will give us more time to talk about stuff. I am looking foward to it. Next time we actually hang out I will for sure mention missing him and all. I think now I have gotten some great advice and have had some time to just sit and think things will be a little easier to see through.
Thank you as well Lizzy
Jems
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