I am 16 1/2 years old. My parents seperated when I was 6 months old, and finalized the divorce a couple years ago.
For the past two years, my mother's behavior has really been getting out of control. She repeatedly tells me I should lose weight (I'm 5'3" and weigh 133lbs. I was fine with my body until she started getting at me for it). If I get good marks in one subject but not another, she'll only point out the bad ones. Two years ago I got 100% in one subject, but only 85% in another, and that was all she could talk about. When I pointed out the 100%, she said "yeah, but you only got 85% in English. Why?!" Nothing I ever do is good enough for her.
She has threatened to kick me out of the house on several occasions over the past two years. One time last year she said to me "I can tell you don't like me very much. But that's okay, because I don't like you very much either" and she proceeded to explain to me that if I didn't smarten up, I would get sent to live with my father (whom I barely know...and by barely, I mean that he barely remembers my birthday and thought I was graduating last year instead of next year). All I did was forget to pull the plants out of the plant pots SHE insists on planting every year because I had a pile of English homework that needed to be done.
On one occasion in late January 2009, she put her hands around my throat and said "I can finish you, remember who you're speaking to". I was terrified. I reported this, and other, incidents to the guidance counselor at school, who got ahold of Child and Family Services. They got involved and only made everything worse.
I have recieved exactly one hug from my mother since January 13, 2009. The only hugs I get now are from my friends and boyfriend, and the OCCASIONAL hug from my sister or a teacher (I used to get frequent hugs from one of my teachers, but she's on maternity leave until September 2011). My mother acts as if I'm a leper. It's slowly getting better, but not very much. In June 2009, I broke my wrist and asked her to sign my cast, and she refused. Two and a half weeks ago, I was hit by a car, and she refused to sign the cast that was put on my foot a few days ago (15 days after the accident). It feels like a slap across the face each time.
I have been suicidal for 2 years now, and have had eating disorders on and off for a year and a half (which she hasn't noticed). I used to cut myself (last year) which she also never noticed. Her comments about how I need to lose more weight (on top of the 20lbs I lost by not eating/excessive exercise...And she supported the second one fully) are not helping at all, and lately there have been more and more comments. It's to the point where everytime I eat (it doesn't matter what it is or how much) I feel like a pig. I bought myself lunch at school today because I was really hungry and hadn't had much for breakfast, and I couldn't finish it. Since then, all I've consumed is a few sips of my boyfriend's Slush Puppie at lunch, 1/3 of a serving of KD, a juice box, and diet coke. I also skipped supper (it was pasta, which I hate) and have not eaten any solid food since the macaroni.
I honestly don't know what I can do to make it better. I've tried talking to her, teachers, and two guidance counselors since January 2009, and nothing has helped. There have been many nights where I've cried myself to sleep, and many others where I've skipped dinner (often in addition to skipping breakfast and lunch, too. Again, she never notices). My boyfriend (we've been dating for one month, and my mom approves of him) is at a loss as to what else I can do as well.
Please give me some advice! I don't know how much more I can take!
-Danni
xoxo
PS. Sorry if this doesn't all make sense. Between staying up late to cry myself to sleep and my cast, I haven't been getting much sleep lately...
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