Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Either heartbroken, depressed, something, don't really know

This is going to be a bit long..sorry in advance.

First of all, Im heartbrokem, or depressed or God knows what I am.

Ok, about september 2010 I was part of an online dating site, trying it out. I said hi to a texas girl who was living in ireland. We chatted for a while, leading up to christmas, consistently. I mean about 20 messages between us a day. She was a really cool girl. When I asked her if she would like to meet up sometime, despite being two hours away from me, she said she was going home for xmas. So we talked throughout xmas, maybe not as often, but weekly. In January she admitted to me that she was never in Ireland, always in her hometown, but was real eager to visit Ireland and live here etc.Around this time we started talking more and more abut long distance relationships and whether either of us would be in one, stuff like that. Saying we liked each other, even though it was a bit embarassing and odd cause we never saw each other face to face. So from January onwards we were sending 60...heck 100 messages a day. At one point I counted 4000 messages in abut 3 months. We talked about everything. At this time I was only interested in talking to her, no other girl. She was supposed to come to Ireland in june with her friend, but couldnt, but decided to come on her own in september. She text me one night saying how she was on a blind date, set up by her friend, and hated it and just wanted to tell me because of course we were sort of going out and she liked me a lot etc.

She came to Ireland for two weeks, I met her at her hotel the day after she arrived, (I tried meeting her at the airport but her flight was delayed by several hours. So for two weeks I spent all the time with her in southern Ireland, two hours from home. We had little fights, maybe 3 or 4 that we resolved and made up and everything a couple would do. Majority of the time hand in hand etc. She asked me for example did I love her and of cuorse I said I either am or about to fall in love. She said she was afraid to fall in love because she would be going back in two weeks etc.

So she left, to go home to texas. We talked about how we really wanted this to work and how we'd find some way to be together in the same country. When she went back we talked again 40 -60 messages a day, talking and reassuring each other that we would be faithful and such. Then I stopped getting as much messages, 40 - 60 messages a day became 3 - 5 messages every 4 days. I went to facebook to see she was in a relationship. Of course being hurt I sent her an abusive message, mainly saying she used me. She replied that she wasnt in a relationship, that she put it as that because some other guy was pestering her. She was hurt by me calling her a user, I tried to ring her etc but she was still angry with me. I stopped talking to her for a few weeks, probably over pride. When I tried talking to her, missing her after those few weeks she told me she was with someone. I tried talking to her, saying sorry I called her a user etc., telling her I just was so hurt at the thought that she was with someone and I missed her. I asked was there ever, any possibility, even if I ever go to america working in future or in any possible situation would we be with each other again. She said she wants to be in Ireland, wants all this but its not likely going to happen, and anyway shes with someone else, and that I can either stay bitter about her not telling me sooner or remember those two weeks as a great memory...I'll remind at this point it was NOT just two weeks for me.

That was about October, I resolved to stop talking to her, of course sending back a message to her telling her she did change my life for the better (She really did) and I'll never forget her and every wonderful thing that she is, and everyday Ive missed her since. I tried saying hi to her recently, just a "hi how are you?" message basically, just to be friends, something, anything, even to go back to those messages I loved, even if we didnt talk as much and every day.

So she deleted me from her "friends list" on facebook. And I am so torn abuot why or what changed so much, because oof her I focused on a career and strive to work hard at it, and everyday I go working at it I can't forget she is the reason why I do it, to make her proud of me in a way.

Of course Ive thought at some time, how she was wrong, Im the innocent person in this, or else, I'll find someoone better or any other positive thought, but whether I've gotten a sense of vindication or a sense of rightousness or anything else...all I really am left with is a sense of loss.

And that is so soul destroying I can barely manage to be social anymore.
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replied March 8th, 2012
If she deleted you from Facebook and isn't making any effort to message you first, then I would say she has lost interest and is hoping that you lose interest without having to say to you that's what she wants.

Online/long distance relationships are difficult, as you do build up strong feelings and emotions towards the other person, but the reality is.. you don't know them, even though you think you know them inside-out.

The fact that you have met is nice, shared some time together but if that didn't make her want to be around you more often and talk to you as much as possible, then I would try to accept that it's not what she wants.

As hard as it will be, try to get yourself back into a social group and meet new people closer to you.

Concentrate on who YOU are, enjoy your life how YOU want to.. and don't go looking for that special someone, because that's when they will turn up Smile
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