Single and Struggling Forum - Early 20's, single, worried.

Relationships > Single and Struggling Forum > Early 20's, single, worried.

Q: Early 20's, single, worried.

asked by: dbd on November 9th, 2009

New User

It seems to me that there is a type out there that gets a bad deal. Description: early 20's, nice guy, comes from an average family, average looks and a few friends. I am one of these people. Pretty much your average Joe, with one exception: I am ALWAYS single. Guys like me (and I know a few) seem to be able to meet women every once and a while, the problem is it just never takes. Usually things end after a few weeks with a line like 'your a really good guy and I like seeing you but...'

Admittedly, I am not the most confident person, asking girls out, planning fun dates etc. does not come easily and rarely works out. I can be awkward around new people and my demeanor (intellectual I guess) can be off-putting. I'm trying to change and be more attractive but the most confusing aspect, and the hardest to deal with, is all the guys who have no trouble at all. There seems to be no common denominator that they have and I don't. Guys with girlfriends come in all shapes and sizes and aside from a little more confidence I can't figure out what separates them from me.

Being perpetually single only began to bother me recently. A friend of mine, who has had many girlfriends and is a very confident guy, got married. He is 23 a few years older than me, but it put my problem into sharp relief. I feel like there is a boat that people ought to be on at this point - and I've missed it.

I need some advice. Clearly I need to work on my confidence, but I don't know how to do it. Identifying an emotional flaw is far harder than correcting it. Also, I am intimidated by women, any tips on how to break out of this? I seem to take myself too seriously and have problems relaxing. Finally, is this my real problem? I've convinced myself that a girlfriend will solve all my problems - that she would be the piece which completes the puzzle so to speak. Maybe this is not the case and I have something else to work on.

Replies(2)

W0LF

replied on November 9th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

For starters don't envy anyone who marries under 25, it is a hard road that more often than not ends in divorce. You have a lot of time to get to that place and you really need to take that time if you're struggling with relationships.

I'm guessing that every man you see in a relationship has two qualities that you don't share. He is confident and he is not nice. Emulate men that you feel are successful in connecting with women even if you don't agree with their behavior. What they do works.

Confidence is learned through confidence. The more often you put yourself in a position to be judged the less it worries you and the more others will percieve that you are confident. Women are unreasonably responsive to confidence. I don't even fully understand the responce myself but I can't deny that a man who is sure of himself and unconcerned with my approval is hotter than one who's respectful of my boundries and eager to prove himself. Make yourself approach women regularly until fear of judgement or rejection isn't an issue. Start building confidence in the shallow end of the pool. Approach women and ask them for things that they're likely to agree to, for coffee or to let you help them with their groceries. Work up to asking them for a phone number, out for drinks, or on a date.

ServiceU

replied on November 16th, 2009

Supporter

i suggest you get a myspace, facebook and twitter account. first of all it's fun, secondly you can meet people that way.

i also want to tell you that i am a 33 year old women and when i was in the 20's i went through a dry spell where i wasnt meeting anyone. i called a hotline and i met a lot of great people, some became long term friends.
a women is a human being and there is no reason to be intimidated by us.

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