I am JM from India and I am working in Gulf. I married (arranged marriage) my wife on 2006.
1) My wife got a severe psychotic episode after 1 month of marriage when she came to Dubai. We go back to India and she admitted in the mental hospital for 1 month. After that she stayed together with her parents for around more than1 year and unfortunately in the meantime she stop her medication without consultation of doctor or me.
2) I brought her again to Dubai and we start a new life. But she starts making problems & fights by almost every day and she falls in an another episode. She went back to India and hospitalized.
I precede a divorce petition in the court. But after 6 months I canceled my petition because of her apologies and requests.
Again Dubai: but this time she continued her medication for a long period but she making unwanted fights and unreasonable doubts about me with her medication also. I try to adjust those circumstance and her thoughts and feelings.
We start treatment to get a child for us. But unfortunately- here one doctor told her, there is no chance to get pregnancy with her psychotic medicine (that time she was taking 2.5mg of "oleanz").
She was very brilliant in her studies. But she didn’t get a good job because of her language problem. (It was not a worry for me - my salary is okay for my family needs - but I desired to get a job for her to spent her mind-numbing time)
3) With reference of that doctor we consult one lady psychiatrist here in Dubai, she advice us to try to stop medicine and pay attention for any symptoms. After one week she looses her sleep and start making problems for silly things. I advice her to restart her medicine, but she didn’t listen.
(I don’t know the name of this disorder, but symptoms are same like the symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia when she is in the episodes)
I sent her back to India and after three weeks the symptoms are get severe, I asked her parents to rush in to hospital but sadly again she fall in to an another episode.
(Now she is almost in normal stage - taking 20mg of "oleanz" + other medicines -she is joined for her PG course (Msc Chemistry - Regular) and staying in hostel)
“There is a right for every human being to live his life peacefully in this world”
Now I am very seriously thinking about the divorce. I spend 7 years of my life in a misery; I want to release myself from this.
(But when I talk about divorce, my in-laws are taking my feelings as a joke. I don’t want to comment anything about my wife’s feelings or arguments.)
I am the one and only son of my parents, they are become sick because of these incidents I want to support them,
Please advise me…
If you can say with a clear conscience you have given your marriage your best effort and things are no better and possibly even worse then there can be few relevant objections to divorce.
Pursuit of happiness and the freedom to pursue it is very high on the list of necessities in any civilisation.
You and your wife aren't improving each other's lives and are quite possibly making them worse by trying to be together. It is even possible, if she hadn't experienced such episodes before, the trauma and shock of marriage to a relative stranger, being torn away from familiar things and people and being relocated into a place where everything and everyone is strange and unfamiliar triggered the initial attack...
It is likely they will continue if you keep repeating the same mistake - people who are ill need familiar and stress-free environment and routines.
I am not an expert in such matters but I feel she has little hope of recovery and a relatively normal and functioning life unless she can resume something of her former life when she is released from hospital.
You now know there can be no children for you because of the drug she needs to stabilise her and you now know what many thousands have discovered before you - once those drugs wear off there is another person waiting inside that refuses to do anything as sensible as recognising they have a problem and should begin medication again...
I do not envy your situation or the decisions you must make but I feel if you do not make them your life will become like a version of the movie "Groundhog Day" where history kept repeating itself...
If your wife's welfare is not given absolute priority things could eventually end very differently, sadly or even as they often do, tragically.
I strongly suggest you discuss things openly and honestly with your wife's psyciatrist and be guided by him or her.
*Your wife's welfare must come first and that probably means she stays in India with or near her family.
*Her medications and behaviour must be continuously monitored and she must be near medical facilities that know her history.
*Pregnancy, at least for the forseeable future is either unwise or impossible.
*Your work, career and life is in Dubai.
The logical conclusion, regardless of how in poor taste it seems or how much injustice to your wife and her family it represents, must be divorce...
I strongly suggest you reassure your wife she has nothing to apologise for.
I strongly suggest if you wish to remain an honourable man you apologise to her and make the best settlement you can, including the return of at least half her dowry (if there was a dowry) and ensure, in addition, she can continue to pay for drugs and treatment.
Good luck with all that - I feel you will need it!