Relationships and Marriage Forum - double marriage I need help

Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > double marriage I need help

Q: double marriage I need help

asked by: gabby734 on April 24th, 2009

Experienced User

hi everyone Im goin to try to get right to the point, im a 21yr old woman married to a 41 year old white man, I love him with all my heart but he lied to me our whole relationship and i have been decieved even after we were married, I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and a 4 month old by him... I found out that he was married to another woman who he is still married to, he isnt in the profession he says he was and he isnt the man I thought I was marrying. well after all this he has been telling me that we are going to get an apartment together and be a family (we live with my mom) but everytime he gets mad at me he goes and spends the night at his wifes or ex wifes house... I love him to death, but our marriage cant be valid if hes still married to her... he treats me like crap, I just dont kno what to do, he hangs up the phn on me, wont answer when i call him back, he currently supports me and the kids and just put down a 645.00 dep on an apartment. without him I have nothing, I am just in a bad situation i try to leave but where do i go, who wants a girl with 2 kids, ive gained weight... not as attractive... and I'm worried about my son. His wife is crazy she has called him saying that i called her job, that i sent girls to beat her up, that i called her cell phn blocked but she knos it was me because the num was blocked but my name came up on her caller id, she has called me and my son a nig#er... and if i leave him im afraid that he will want to have something to do with my son, she has pushed me when i was preg, i dont want her to hurt my son if he has to go there to see his dad, my son could wind up dead, and he doesnt kno how to take care of my baby... I just dont kno where to turn, im in a bad situation I need to see the light, please if anyone has any advice share,

Replies(4)

Fairy Godmother

replied on April 24th, 2009

Supporter

Hey Sweetie

Wake up and smell the coffee.......this is an old cliche...but its time you wake up and face reality. You are someone special. You have two little kids that you are a Mother too. Stop beating yourself up, just cause you;ve gained a few pounds...you can LOOSE weight. What you need to loose is this LOOSER. What he has commited is AGAINST THE LAW. You married a man who is still legally married. They can lock his ass up. You are too good for this man and there are plenty of good men out there who;d love to find someone as loving as you. Let him pay child support and hel you. I'd be finding me aleagl assistant who'd get this finalized so you can go on wiht life. As for him running back to the ex...let her have him. He does not deserve you. Your son oes not have to go anywhere....thats anotherreason you need an attorney. Set up visitation so the dad can come to your house or a place of agreement.....Don;t put up wiht this BULL%%%%,,,,,,you got hte ball in your court girlfriend....play it!

gabby734

replied on April 25th, 2009

Experienced User

thankyou

I have been trying, i just dont kno how, i do need to wake up but i love him and for some reason after all the sh%t he has put me through I still have confidence that he will come through... its just a gut instinct, I have been around him and his "ex" wife, they dont even sleep in the same room, what am i doin?????? im just too in love with him to let him go... deep down through all the bullsh^t hes a good man, I kno he is, If he starts divorce proceedings with her I may stick around... I currently have low self esteem just cause of my weight right now, I may sound real stupid, but he gives me butterflies, how do i leave? where the heck do i start, I've always been strong, didnt take no stuff from any man, I am just so weak 4 him

ServiceU

replied on May 19th, 2009

Supporter

i have low self esteem and i am over weight. does this mean you have to deal with a guy who lies to you and "treat you like crap" b/c you dont think you can find someone else.

bottom line! your still in love with him and your not ready to let him go under any circumstance.

what do you think he's doing when he goes over his wife's house. they are married!!!!! they dont have to get alone to have xxx.
your not in a bad situaion!

i left my abuser with my overweight, low self esteem. your able to live with your mom. like i said whats stressful is your state of mind "your still in love with someone who treats you bad" if he did love you! what makes you think another man cant. stop putting thoes negative thoughts in your head. your not married to him so you dont have to get a divorce. you and your children will be better off without him.
and no you dont sound stupid. we all been through it.

harmony1

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Supporter

You know what this whole situation is not doing your self esteem any good. I know what it's like to be in a bad situation but you have to be strong. He never told you he was married!! um that's a hige deception on his part ESPECIALLY since you now have a child together. So he's had over a yr to tell you about this "marriage" and HE chose not to and Why is that. He goes and spends his nights With HER when you fight.
You're young so I can understand HOW HARD this is for you but he is a fully grown man or at least he should be. Leave him. trust me. you'll be better off. get with the girls and forget about him. trust me. he's not worth the pain. You will find a man who you can depend on.

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