Hi, I would rather not be diagnosed with depression, however, my life has been heading towards this stage where I have needed to ask for help. Reluctantly, but honestly I don't think I can handle my feelings on my own anymore; I am feeling suicidal more and more frequently. The only thing stopping me is the lack of ways to commit suicide without pain, and my family, although even then I am on the verge, feeling increasingly less self-worthy as I get older. Things have happened in my past such as abuse, and I am over them for the most part, despite worrying a lot that this may be one of the reasons I feel so down. I also keep twisting reality; by this I mean believing that we do not exist, and that I should just die because I don't actually exist. It's weird. My main question is, what is wrong with me? Is it depression? (I feel it about once every two weeks for a few days or so) and most importantly, what can I do about it?