Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

Don't care...the answer is run!

I see bipolar mates tuning in and saying they need to be loved unconditionally and you mates have to take the horror they provide. No mates, you don't. They don't think like you and I. I stayed and was a doormate for almost 15 years. I took more abuse than you can believe. For a bipolar person to tell you to hang on and that they deserve love blah, blah is total BS. It is a trap. They are looking for a easy target and guess what... that target is you. Until you are in therapy, suffering with the torment they put you though, you will never escape. IT GETS WORSE NOT BETTER!!!!! All you grieving hearts, I am here to tell you, you escaped. Be free. Be well. These people are bottom feeders. And I don't care what they throw at me with my advise. It is sound.
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First Helper carenomore
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replied February 1st, 2012
You are right about the deserving love thing. My wife assumes i am wrong about everything and she deserves more love. the abuse i receive from her puts me on the breaking point. we have 2 boys and she won't admit to being bipolar even after being diagnosed. she manipulates her family and everyone around to make it as i am always blowing things out of control. i live with her in her country and to leave her would be the end as her family wont let me take the boys. I am so lost for advice at the moment. but i am starting to agree with your story headder.
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replied February 3rd, 2012
I'am bipolar II, i am in therapy and take meds. i am not manic i am depressive. i just wanted to say that everyone who has biplar arent manic and argumentative. i understand your point and i agree.
i've been in an abusive relationship with someone for five years and he was normal. i could say to every women to stay away from men who are momma's boys. but i am sure there is someone who are a momma's boy who dont fit the criteria of a jerk.
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replied April 1st, 2012
Good point. No one should put up with anyone who cheats, lies, rages, lies, is all sweet I need you one day and leave me alone the next, spends money foolishly, shares confidences with others, lies, is verbally cutting, blames everyone else for problems,or any combination of the above.
I put up with this because a person WAS bipolar when I would not have with a "normal" person. Forget the diagnosis. Stay away from toxic people.
I am sorry you and I allowed ourselves to be involved with that type of person. Maybe we learned something.
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replied April 11th, 2012
I'm beginning to see the light about this. Going off the meds is the worst part.

My fiance did this and now her Ssri no longer works. She went into a state of manic delirium (the most extreme bipolar state there is) on march 3rd, hasnt come back to reality yet, and has been in a psyche ward for nearly 6 weeks now on haldol etc. They've exhausted pharma treatments and they are trying to find an opening for her to get ECT.

I'm not allowed to visit.

It's not the occasional manic episode that bothers me. It's the constant roller coaster ride of hospitals, treatments, delusions, hallucinations, voices, anger, projected anger, paranoia, imagined cancer delusions, carefully constructed realities that don't exist, drug abuse.

When things are good, they are REALLY good. When they are bad, wow...

The delusional stuff I had no idea was happening. It's come out in therapy in the last few weeks. She told them her cancer doctor's names (same ones she told me). Yes they exist, no they've never met her, ever. She's never even had cancer.

I thought she was a cancer survivor. She participated in benefits for survivors! She's given inspirational speeches. This is all particularly painful for me because my dad, who was my best friend, died January 1st this year, from real cancer.

I've been living in a constant state of fear that she'd get sick again and maybe this time she won't make it.

Turns out all the ER visits she went to for pain were pain seeking missions disguised as cancer pain.

The drug abuse got to the point where she went to the ER again, (March 2nd to be specific) and she was able to hold a normal conversation and be completely lucid on 6mg dilaudid intravenously. Er doctors words:"Your fiance has a serious drug problem. She's on 6mg dilaudid intravenously right now. If you were on 6mg dilaudid, you would be on the ground and I'd be breathing for you, and yelling at a nurse to get a 6 inch needle filled with adrenaline, STAT. 6mg would probably kill a horse if it didn't have opiate tolerance built up."

TBH I can't handle it any more. I tried for 3 years and I'm spent. I can't come to terms with the fact that she could disappear with our kids a la Susan smith or maybe I find her in the bathroom od'd or otherwise suicided. I had to tackle her once when she was carrying a knife. She had locked herself in the bathroom with it after we had an argument over $200 that disappeared(probably for drugs) which we needed to keep the electricity on. Her parents bailed her out that time. Maybe I'll wake up to a baseball bat to the head one day. My family has ostracized us due to her behavior. There is a breaking point. What I've mentioned here is the tip of the iceburg.

My mom told me a week after this whole breakdown occurred that she stole 16 of my dad's morphine pills around labor day last year. In his fragile condition (stage IV lung cancer with a drainage tube hooked up to his lung), if they hadn't just switched him to new meds, he could have died from the withdrawal right then and there if he had run out.

I do NOT want to even think about what she's done sexually behind my back.

Now for the worst part. I've never loved anyone as much as her and I have to let her go at this point.

Our entire relationship, from the first day, has been a lie. Actually lie is the wrong word. A better word would be delusion. I think she believed everything she ever told me. That's why it was so convincing.

Thank you OP, this post has made me feel like I'm not the only one in this situation. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
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replied April 11th, 2012
Delusional? Oh please. Making up huge complicated lies to obtain drugs, sex, money is not delusional. I'm not saying some BP people do not hear voices, but some make this stuff up for attention. They use their illness for pure attention. They lie to get what they want.
Wait til you try to get away from the BP relationship. Easy. Oh no. Mine has tried candy, cards, "I'm confused", "I'm crying" "I love you and just having sex with her because I need it". Oh please just stop.
Now that I have distanced myself from this man, more lies, lies of omission, lies about the past, present and future, huge clever ways of using, abusing, controlling, manipulating, anyone who allowed it, have come to light. Now that he cannot get money, sex or attention from me, he will go away, I hope. He did not do drugs nor alcohol. In fact, and this is scary, he is a big AA, 20-years-sober sponsor. He tried to tell ME who in this community was an alcoholic; he tried to tells me secrets of those he was sponsoring! He would tell secrets (deep personal, financial, sexual) to anyone, including mine, to everybody.
He was on meds and saw a psychiatrist (whom he probably lied to) and that kept him out of the hospital, but IT DID NOT CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR.
I don't communicate with this man and soon love has changed to a moment of anger, to a moment of pity to nothing. Absolutely nothing. HE IS NOT DELUSIONAL. HE IS A LIAR.
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replied April 11th, 2012
PS to my last post.
He had 13 ECT treatmenst two years prior to my meeting him to bring him out of depression. I did not know that was preceded by years-long mania. The ECT brought him out of the depression but DID NOT CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR.
He did not tell me he had bipolar disorder until after he moved in with me. He told me he had depression now under control. lie of omission, lie
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