I don't remember the exact scenario, but at some point months and months ago I made a promise to myself that I would seek help for my depression if I ever "hurt myself or anyone else." At the time I think I'd just gone through a period of feeling very out of control and detached from the world.

Lately, I've realized that for nearly the past two months I have been as withdrawn from my friends and family as I have ever been my entire life. I somehow managed to alienate myself from the people I used to be able to talk to about my problems, because I was simply unaware of my own depression. I was anxious, constantly anti-social, filled with rage at times for no reason. I actually broke down when a teacher confronted me about my changed behavior in her class. I'd gone from being sweet and studious to completely apathetic, aggressive, and cynical.

I've dealt with depression on my own before, but in this particular case I went so much farther than ever before, and with no provocation at all, other than maybe being bored in school. I finally convinced myself to talk to an old friend who I used to confide in, and she admitted that my behavior had confused her and several other friends, and that they had really noticed my withdrawl.

Anyway, I'm starting to think that I'd like to maybe find a professional to talk to about my issues. Especially the uncontrollable anger that I find is a sometime companion to my depression. That's really the thing that worries me the most.

Really I'd like some words of encouragement. I'm normally fairly brave, but in this case I'm finding that I'm scared to open so completely to a doctor.