hi...i have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and it has been bliss up until his depression came. I have been giving my DBF space and time as he works through his depression, he is not taking medication and is working it out with a therapist who specializes in young adult male depression. I know that he really enjoys his therapist, and in fact the following day of his second session he mentioned to me (via text) how much he likes his therapist and that yesterday was alot of relationship talk...to which i replied that I hoped it was a good conversation, to which he simply stated that his therapist was a smart guy. I can only see that as a positive, as he is not cruel and wouldn't bring up relatioship talk on his own accord to hurt me. I haven't brought up the relationship in over a month and a half, and I have been seeing a therapist to help me understand the illness and to get better coping skills for myself. He has suffered from two episodes in the past, before we got together. They seem to be triggered during life changing events, as he just graduated college and real world is crashing in on him. The DBF and I have been texting occasionally the past month, but always very just light and mostly i just send him a joke or two. We never broke up, at his lowest when he was depressed he told me that he didn't want to hurt me but he thinks that we're going to break up. That he doesn't see how we're going to work anymore. I know this was all from the depression, as a month before he would have told me that I was his everything and that he loved me more than words could express. I told him it was the depression, and not to hurt me and I sent him home to his mother (as she had been worried about him that day too). However, yesterday he told me he was on his way to therapy (his 5th session in 5 weeks) and exactly an hour later, he texted me "so maybe we need to talk" I said "ok, did you want to meet up?" he responded "maybe. not right now" and then that was the end of the conversation. I haven't heard from him since then, and again I'm just left hanging not knowing what's going on and my mind keeps racing to all these negative thoughts. I have been gearing myself up with Anne's books, and therapy and friends/family, that things will most likely work out with our relationship, as I have given him space and time and no pressure from me at all. I know that his health has to come before the relationship and I have given him the space (and continue to do so) that he needs to get through it. But I cannot help but worry when he gave me the "so maybe we need to talk" line. He had told me that initially his episodes usually last a few weeks, and his mother told me that with therapy it usually takes a few sessions for him to start feelign better. I'm just so nervous that he will still be that strange man i saw in may that was so loveless, as opposed to the man he has always been with me, a loving affectionate partner. Any positive vibes you can send my way would be greatly appreciated. I hope he contacts me again soon so that we can begin talking about slowly joining our lives again. I think he had the confidence from therapy to contact me so we can talk about what's been going on, but then lost his nerve as his mind raced. I spoke to his sister who saw him on Sunday, where she said that he was doing ok, better than he was the middle of may, and that he wasn't himself yet. She also seemed confident that things will work out with us as he continues to go through this. I'm just so nervous because I still don't know what to expect. but what if it's lifting a little all ready? his family believe that it is. this is where i suffer from indecision as i understand that what he says may still not be the man i know and love, but it's true he may just be starting to surface. he's been able to go to work again and see some of his old friends, whilst i know those relationships are not on the same level as ours was, he has been slowly making progress back to the man he was. i just heard from his sister who told me she spoke to their mother last night, and she seemed confident that we will be able to work on our relationship and be together again. my therapist told me that i shouldn't take this as a negative thing at all, and that it's good that he is seeing that we need to talk, as his therapist most likely encouraged him to make contact himself.
i've read and heard so many stories that love returns with treatment, please let this be true. as there were no signs that we were having any difficulties in our relationship, and oh how this man loved me. it overflowed from him everyday.
Any positive vibes you can send my way would be greatly appreciated. I hope he contacts me again soon so that we can begin talking about slowly joining our lives again. thanks misshim