I am an Australian 25 year old woman. Three years ago I worked in the UK for two years; but had to leave then as my visa expired. I loved my time there and was very sad to leave; vowing to go back as soon as possible.
Then, 4 months before I had to leave, I met someone. We had an immediate attraction and incredible accord. We were inseparable from the very beginning and both of us had never experienced something like it before; to the extent that he asked me to marry him just for the papers to stay in the UK with him. I didnt want to do this, as it had only been four months. So we decided to have a long distance relationship for a year, by which time I would qualify for a UK HSMP visa. We kept in contact and missed each other terribly - and after 2 months, he came down to Australia to be with me.
During the 6 months he was here we had an amazing time, we were growing ever more in love and I can honestly say we did not have one serious problem. After 6 months he wanted to go home, because he was not working and felt bored and unproductive - completely understandable. We parted with difficulty and tenderness, comforted by the knowledge that we would see each other again at the end of the year when I go back to the UK.
For about 2 weeks we rang and emailed each other constantly. Then, he gradually contacted me less and less. I tried not to panick, to give him space. He was back with his friends, playing lots of gigs, having fun again. Barely a month later I confronted him about his lack of interest in us, and he confessed that he was having doubts. A few weeks of discussions about our future followed, until he finally decided that he was too uncertain about what he wanted to 'ask me to move halfway around the world to be with him'. He said all the usual things about needing to figure out what he wanted in his career; not wanting the responsibility of having to consider me in his decisions. He promised that there is no-one else, that it's not about that, and I believe him. I argued with him a lot, pointing out the loopholes in his arguments, basically trying to get him to say that he doesnt love me anymore, as that is the only way I feel I can accept breaking up. But he keeps saying he is just confused, he keeps giving me hope, staying in contact and being familiar and tender at times. I don't know what to believe - I cannot think that he just fell out of love with me in a few weeks. If this had happened while we were in the same country it would make more sense, but it feels like he just got scared and overwhelmed by the long distance challenge. Is he just not that into me? Or is there hope? Everything was perfect when he left, how could this have happened?
I've wondered if he is just trying to make sure that I don't move to another country just to be with him... but on the other hand, it shouldnt be that complicated. He knows I always wanted to go back, even before I met him. Should I give up on him or should I be patient through his quarter life crises? I love him incredibly much, and he says he still loves me. He's been away for 3 months now, and I still cry most nights when I go to bed and the memories start creeping in. I've never been like that about anyone. Please help me, I'm very confused as there are so many factors at play here, my head is throbbing from all the thinking.
Thank you
Elena