does anyone else do this???? Posted: 06-05-08 21:09pm
i'm single right now, due to cheating bfs,
but i've had temptations in the past to
snoop through my boyfriends phones, email,
myspace, etc.......it doesn't ever happen
in the beginning of the relationship, just
when I notice things tha make me
suscpicious...like if someone called that
sounds like a girl but isn't his mom and
he tries to hide it, or he goes out til
the a.m. early hours and i don't know what
he's doing, or he is just plain acting
weird....i know it is wrong, and i feel
guilty about doing it, but i have caught
my last 2 boyfriends cheating by doing it,
and broke up with them, i sort of think by
doing it i saved myself from a lot of
heartache, cuz I CAUGHT him you know, it
makes me feel like the victor even though
i was the one being used....but anyways is
it worth it and does anyone else do this?
p.s. i was very sneaky and they never
suspected i was doing it.....
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worrywart01
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Posted: 06-05-08 21:28pm
i do it, personally if theres nothing to
hide why should he care you know? in the
beginning of my relationship i'm currently
in we always looked at each others phones
or ask "whos that" or w/e, he actually
deleted one of my guy friends phone
numbers at one point, made me laugh...i
really didn't care...there was NOTHING
between me and that guy friend nor would
there ever have been I guess it was just
something that bugged him...i mean
personally, i think if theres nothing to
hide..why should he care? look at my phone
idc, you're not gonna find anything but
boring girl texts and what not, but if he
starts acting weird i'm like you..i get
nervous and worried and suspicious...but
if hes gonna be with me, he'll be with
me...we had the whole "have you ever
cheated" convo..he's been cheated on by
his ex and all i ask of him is if he's
unhappy, just tell me and break things
off..dont break my heart by tricking me
into loving you and then having me find
out you cheated on me...bc im good at
finding stuff like this out...almost too
good...
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worrywart01
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Posted: 06-05-08 21:36pm
but to add to my last post, i could see
how it could get annoying...trust is the
foundation of any relationship and
sometimes if the person feels like you
dont trust them its insulting...i dunno, i
guess it depends on the person..i really
dont care if my bf snoops through my phone
so long as he isn't contacting anyone..but
i could see how alot of people like their
privacy and it isn't a cause for concern
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melancholydaye
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Posted: 06-06-08 02:40am
i really agree with you, my point was it
payed off the times i did do it, and yeah,
i don't care at all if he looked through
my phone, but i can also see how it could
be a problem because trust is at stake and
yeah, people do deserve their
privacy...but it's kind of a problem for
me because i remember an instance not too
long ago when a guy friend wanted a date.
I went over to his apartment and we were
alone, and he left to go to the liquer
store, i could tell what was on his mind,
and he unknowingly left his phone on the
coffee table, and i was sitting there
alone, resisting the temptation for
awhile, saying "im not going to look
through it" over again, then i gave into
the temptation, and looked through it, and
saw recent messages, like some that said
"hey sexy" and "you were great last night"
"wanna do it again sometime" from like a
night or two before, and a few other
unmentionable but questionable texts from
other girls. I felt great because I felt
like a saved myself from being with him,
cuz while he was saying he was interested
in me it sounds like he may have been with
another girl, and i felt good that I found
that out before anything happened...he
came back with some wine, and i stayed for
about another 2 hours to be polite, never
mentioned anything to him, and told him i
had to leave and go to sleep bc i had to
work early the next day, and he told me
that i could stay the night, and i
politely refused. well, he still tries to
get me to come over and I just fight the
tempation to tell him to go hang out with
"jenn" or whoever sent him those messages
on his phone (name changed). but i haven't
yet because I dont want him to think i'm a
snoop or something, i don't know whether
this is good or bad good that i saved
myself from a player or bad that i was
violating his privacy and going off of
stuff that I had seen............sorry its
so long
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Rosie H
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Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1136 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
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Posted: 06-06-08 10:14am
I think if you are just dating someone you
dont have a right to know if they are with
anyone else. But when you become serious
or develope feelings for him then you can
ask if there is anyone else and ask where
he stands with things. Like whether or not
he wants a relationship or if he wants his
freedom to see whomever he wants. I just
think its better to ask someone 1st if you
have doubts to see what is really going
on.
Dont get me wrong though. If I were you in
your previous relationships I would have
done the same thing. If anyone gave me
reason to doubt them, I would surely
investigate. Because like you said, it
saved you a lot of heartache.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 06-06-08 10:49am
worrywart01
wrote:
i do it, personally if
theres nothing to hide why should he care
you know? in the beginning of my
relationship i'm currently in we always
looked at each others phones or ask "whos
that" or w/e, he actually deleted one of
my guy friends phone numbers at one point,
made me laugh...i really didn't
care...there was NOTHING between me and
that guy friend nor would there ever have
been I guess it was just something that
bugged him...i mean personally, i think if
theres nothing to hide..why should he
care? look at my phone idc, you're not
gonna find anything but boring girl texts
and what not, but if he starts acting
weird i'm like you..i get nervous and
worried and suspicious...but if hes gonna
be with me, he'll be with me...we had the
whole "have you ever cheated" convo..he's
been cheated on by his ex and all i ask of
him is if he's unhappy, just tell me and
break things off..dont break my heart by
tricking me into loving you and then
having me find out you cheated on me...bc
im good at finding stuff like this
out...almost too
good...
Are you serious? Thats insane. (not *you*
but the situation). I've been cheated on
before and hurt so badly I wanted to just
die. I definitely can say that I have
trust issues but with my new boyfriend I
don't act on them. If you have to look at
each others phones at the begining of your
relationship, that is not a good sign. it
shows you have no trust in your other half
what so ever and allowing him to erase a
friends number because of his insecurity
is just wrong. That falls into the
category of being controlling. You both
should have enough trust and respect for
each other to not feel the need to go
through each others belongings.
I only once went through an old boyfriends
phone because I knew he was cheating but
then I thought to myself, "If I feel like
I need to go through his phone constantly,
is that someone I want to be with?" Then
answer was no.
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melancholydaye
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Posted: 06-06-08 12:43pm
I only once went through an old boyfriends
phone because I knew he was cheating but
then I thought to myself, "If I feel like
I need to go through his phone constantly,
is that someone I want to be with?" Then
answer was no
good advice willa
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diamondsz
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Posted: 06-11-08 16:09pm
melancholydaye
wrote:
I only once went through an
old boyfriends phone because I knew he was
cheating but then I thought to myself, "If
I feel like I need to go through his phone
constantly, is that someone I want to be
with?" Then answer was no
good advice
willa
Men need their personal space just as we
do but if you are focusing more so on
catching him then your wasting time you
could be doing something else with.
Cheating is wrong but you also have to
understand that either side can be pushed
to that extreme and I know exactly what it
feels like to be on the other side.
If you do not trust the person your with
or let them hang out with whom they please
they start to feel tied down, now I can
understand you need to build trust but at
the same time some of us can take it a
little too far.
Rule of thumb if you can look at other
men(which Im pretty sure we all do) what
is wrong when they do it much less to hang
out with the other sex. Men may think
about having sex or even woman may think
about having sex with someone else doesnt
mean they will do it.
We are all born cheaters, the difference
is we make the choice to act on it.
TRUST is important,
I'm a tomboy, I hate being nagged at, I
hate being tied down but If I have that
respect from my partner I treat them like
gold, my rule of thumb you go out, I go
out. It eventually gets to a point when
you can let go and be happy with yourself
that the relationship does really well.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 06-19-08 11:48am
I don't think we are all born cheaters and
I never think,even *fantasize* about
having sex with someone else. To me, thats
just as bad as cheating.
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diamondsz
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Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3214 Location: , Candyland-Canada
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Posted: 06-19-08 12:15pm
Willa Weintraub
wrote:
I don't think we are all
born cheaters and I never think,even
*fantasize* about having sex with someone
else. To me, thats just as bad as
cheating.
i
Mel, what it means is we are all born with
the ability to cheat, we just make the
choice not to.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 06-19-08 12:21pm
Oh ok, i get you
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lil_scorpio
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Posted: 06-26-08 16:55pm
I think it's okay if you really feel that
something is wrong. I know that doesn't
sound honest, but you have the right to
know don't you? If you are in the
relationship whole-heartedly and you feel
that your guy isn't because of odd
behavior, than go for it. Your heart will
always be right, follow that.