i do it, personally if theres nothing to hide why should he care you know? in the beginning of my relationship i'm currently in we always looked at each others phones or ask "whos that" or w/e, he actually deleted one of my guy friends phone numbers at one point, made me laugh...i really didn't care...there was NOTHING between me and that guy friend nor would there ever have been I guess it was just something that bugged him...i mean personally, i think if theres nothing to hide..why should he care? look at my phone idc, you're not gonna find anything but boring girl texts and what not, but if he starts acting weird i'm like you..i get nervous and worried and suspicious...but if hes gonna be with me, he'll be with me...we had the whole "have you ever cheated" convo..he's been cheated on by his ex and all i ask of him is if he's unhappy, just tell me and break things off..dont break my heart by tricking me into loving you and then having me find out you cheated on me...bc im good at finding stuff like this out...almost too good...

but to add to my last post, i could see how it could get annoying...trust is the foundation of any relationship and sometimes if the person feels like you dont trust them its insulting...i dunno, i guess it depends on the person..i really dont care if my bf snoops through my phone so long as he isn't contacting anyone..but i could see how alot of people like their privacy and it isn't a cause for concern

i really agree with you, my point was it payed off the times i did do it, and yeah, i don't care at all if he looked through my phone, but i can also see how it could be a problem because trust is at stake and yeah, people do deserve their privacy...but it's kind of a problem for me because i remember an instance not too long ago when a guy friend wanted a date. I went over to his apartment and we were alone, and he left to go to the liquer store, i could tell what was on his mind, and he unknowingly left his phone on the coffee table, and i was sitting there alone, resisting the temptation for awhile, saying "im not going to look through it" over again, then i gave into the temptation, and looked through it, and saw recent messages, like some that said "hey sexy" and "you were great last night" "wanna do it again sometime" from like a night or two before, and a few other unmentionable but questionable texts from other girls. I felt great because I felt like a saved myself from being with him, cuz while he was saying he was interested in me it sounds like he may have been with another girl, and i felt good that I found that out before anything happened...he came back with some wine, and i stayed for about another 2 hours to be polite, never mentioned anything to him, and told him i had to leave and go to sleep bc i had to work early the next day, and he told me that i could stay the night, and i politely refused. well, he still tries to get me to come over and I just fight the tempation to tell him to go hang out with "jenn" or whoever sent him those messages on his phone (name changed). but i haven't yet because I dont want him to think i'm a snoop or something, i don't know whether this is good or bad good that i saved myself from a player or bad that i was violating his privacy and going off of stuff that I had seen............sorry its so long

I think if you are just dating someone you dont have a right to know if they are with anyone else. But when you become serious or develope feelings for him then you can ask if there is anyone else and ask where he stands with things. Like whether or not he wants a relationship or if he wants his freedom to see whomever he wants. I just think its better to ask someone 1st if you have doubts to see what is really going on.

Dont get me wrong though. If I were you in your previous relationships I would have done the same thing. If anyone gave me reason to doubt them, I would surely investigate. Because like you said, it saved you a lot of heartache.

Are you serious? Thats insane. (not *you* but the situation). I've been cheated on before and hurt so badly I wanted to just die. I definitely can say that I have trust issues but with my new boyfriend I don't act on them. If you have to look at each others phones at the begining of your relationship, that is not a good sign. it shows you have no trust in your other half what so ever and allowing him to erase a friends number because of his insecurity is just wrong. That falls into the category of being controlling. You both should have enough trust and respect for each other to not feel the need to go through each others belongings.

I only once went through an old boyfriends phone because I knew he was cheating but then I thought to myself, "If I feel like I need to go through his phone constantly, is that someone I want to be with?" Then answer was no.

I only once went through an old boyfriends phone because I knew he was cheating but then I thought to myself, "If I feel like I need to go through his phone constantly, is that someone I want to be with?" Then answer was no
good advice willa

Men need their personal space just as we do but if you are focusing more so on catching him then your wasting time you could be doing something else with. Cheating is wrong but you also have to understand that either side can be pushed to that extreme and I know exactly what it feels like to be on the other side.

If you do not trust the person your with or let them hang out with whom they please they start to feel tied down, now I can understand you need to build trust but at the same time some of us can take it a little too far.

Rule of thumb if you can look at other men(which Im pretty sure we all do) what is wrong when they do it much less to hang out with the other sex. Men may think about having sex or even woman may think about having sex with someone else doesnt mean they will do it.

We are all born cheaters, the difference is we make the choice to act on it.

TRUST is important,

I'm a tomboy, I hate being nagged at, I hate being tied down but If I have that respect from my partner I treat them like gold, my rule of thumb you go out, I go out. It eventually gets to a point when you can let go and be happy with yourself that the relationship does really well.

I don't think we are all born cheaters and I never think,even *fantasize* about having sex with someone else. To me, thats just as bad as cheating.

i
Mel, what it means is we are all born with the ability to cheat, we just make the choice not to.

Oh ok, i get you

I think it's okay if you really feel that something is wrong. I know that doesn't sound honest, but you have the right to know don't you? If you are in the relationship whole-heartedly and you feel that your guy isn't because of odd behavior, than go for it. Your heart will always be right, follow that.