I know this question is probably asked a lot... I'm sorry about that. But seeing as my therapists all jump on the "yes" answer without asking me anything and my sister seems to be saying "no" I'm just a little unsure. I was hoping for a different opinion, one from someone who knew all of the information. I really appreciate anyone who actually reads through this... thank you.

At first I knew I didn't have a problem. I was really depressed, so I slept all day, and stayed up all night, for seclusion purposes I guess... Well during that time I wound up skipping a meal, though not intentionally. I still snacked the same amount that I used to, though, so in reality, I probably was only set back 300 a day at that time. I didn't fear gaining weight at all. I mean, I'd beat myself up for my body, which I thought was monstrous, but I didn't do anything about it, or want to.
I was forced to stop my sleeping habits, so I fell back into my normal eating habits, which probably put me at a normal amount of calories a day. I didn't really care about eating at that time.

But then I went to the doctor, and upon being weighed, I was 99 with clothes and heels, being around 5'4 at the time. I was pleasantly surprised, as I thought for sure I'd get a horrible number like 107 or 110 (my mind isn't in the right place, I know these are normal weights... just not for me in my mind, pay it no mind) but I didn't get those numbers. I was so happy!
My doctor wasn't pleased. Panicked was more of the word. And really, the weight wasn't that bad. But she wanted to personally talk to my therapist and express her deepest concerns. She wanted tests run and a nutritionist contacted.
My mom in particular out of nowhere jumped saying that I had an eating disorder. The idea scares her, because my sister Lisa had anorexia for years, though she fully recovered. I knew I didn't and let her know.

Well somehow over time everyone (therapists, mainly, I've tried out quite a few) saying "wow you look skinny" and "you look good now, but I wouldn't loose anymore, or your face will start to sink it" and "you have an eating disorder" put some pressure on me. Because now I got to that weight from pure luck, and now it seemed almost expected of me. I wasn't paying attention before, but now I was, and I couldn't tell if I was eating too much or too little to keep that weight. It's hard to explain.
I panicked, and it seemed like everything and anything that I ate was going to make me gain weight. I didn't want to drop below that beautiful number.
I spent hours on the internet comparing numbers and calories and BMIs and everything, upsetting myself more than anything.
In quantity, I didn't eat much. I've always been like that, really. So I was surprised at how all of the calories added up, when I began to count out my calories. I felt horrible! It was awful! So I began a bit of a restriction. 900 a day was my goal then and I kept that up for a while. I couldn't restrict too much, as I live with my family, and they notice such things.

Soon enough that number didn't please me anymore. I kept up on my measurements and nothing seemed to be changing. I was still a size two! It wasn't good enough.
So I tried to drop to 800 a day... And that's when things started going bad. Because a day after eating that amount, it felt like too much.
I stayed on my 700 goal for a month or so. That seemed a good number, as I could keep my calorie intake low without attracting attention from my family. I could afford three meals a day, and it still felt okay for me. I kept measuring and fell about an inch in measurements, but after all of my effort, that was it!? It wasn't good enough.
And then I was slowing beginning to hate myself for eating so much. I could do better, I could. God knows what number I would see when I went to the doctor's again. (We don't own a scale) But when I went I was surprised to see I fell to a beautiful number, 95. And I had grown to 5'5 about a month before that. It was great! 95! I had succeeded in loosing weight! I officially wasn't fat, like I thought, because that number was nice and low.

And that brings me to now. That weight wasn't good enough. I still looked too big. I cried when my mom tried to be nice and buy me an ice cream. I became a little agitated and defensive about when and how much I ate. I was sick of my mother and sister telling me "that's enough food for a rabbit" when it was a serving, and it was half of my overall food that day. I'd get really mad when my mom tried to make me eat more.
I dropped down to around 300-400 calories a day.
I started dumping out drinks bought for me, that had calories in them. I resorted to throwing out food in the trashcan and faking dirty utensils and plates. My family seems to know that I have a problem and either ignore my acts, or purposely buy me high calorie foods and drinks.

I feel ridiculously huge, my legs are big and my old weight isn't keeping me pleased. The only place I've seemed to loose weight in is my back. It's like anything that was back there melted off, making my spine and bones stick out. But my thighs are still huge. I don't know how much lower I can drop in calories, because of my family. I'm so upset! After I sit here starving myself, trying to hide my growling stomach from my family, being too weak to walk up the stairs, feeling sick and irritable, I'm still not skinny. I don't know what else to do...

But I still don't know if I have an eating disorder or not. I'm sure you are staring at me with a bit of a "um..." look on your face, but here's some more information.
I do not binge when I am forced to eat something. I usually cry and beat myself up for it, then cut or ponder suicide.
I don't exercise at all either, nor do I make an attempt to.
I don't play with my food or anything like that... What I do eat, I eat fast and thoroughly, though not hesitantly, as it's all I can. I do feel guilty afterward... but still.
I don't take laxatives, though I did sneak water pills. Though they don't really count...

So with all of those things in mind do I really have an eating disorder? I don't really know... But I can't say thanks enough if you actually cared enough to read through this all. Sorry for all of the text, I was trying to be as thorough as possible, sorry, sorry...
Thanks for your time, really,
~Alyssa