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do you ever forgive yourself for having an abortion? (Page 1)

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its been 2 years. do you ever stop remembering. how do you get rid of the guilt. do i tell my 5 year old when she is older that i made this decision. would she understand. i know why i did this. i can make sense of it in my head but i never feel like its justified. im having difficulty finding peace with this. i do not look down on others.. i realize how difficult this is. if anything it has taught me to never judge others, every situation is different . i just cant seem to stop harshly judging myself
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First Helper User Profile RedBear23
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Users who thank kristy..... for this post: bml83 

replied July 9th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Honestly, I never felt guilty for having my abortion but if you are having problems with it then you should try and address them. As for telling your daughter that's something that hopefully time will give you an answer to.

I sent you a PM too.
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Users who thank Moo for this post: Mabel 

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replied July 9th, 2008
Experienced User
Sounds to me like you may want to find someone you can talk to about this. Perhaps a friend...do you have insurance and can seek professional help?

The reason I suggest this is that sometimes, women need counselling after the procedure. I'm sure you were given brief counselling where you had the aborton done, but sometimes it doesn't surface until later. It's like PTSD- for some women, this is extremely mentally and emotionally taxing.

:: hugs ::
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Users who thank Sydney123456 for this post: Mabel 

replied July 9th, 2008
Experienced User
I'm so sorry you are having problems. I hope you can find someone who has been through what you have to talk to or like said above maybe conselling. Take care and hope you find some relief some how.
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replied July 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I've never known anyone to feel anything but relief after the procedure. I'm not doubting your feelings, though, just giving you another perspective.
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replied July 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
aochriss wrote:
I've never known anyone to feel anything but relief after the procedure. I'm not doubting your feelings, though, just giving you another perspective.


I have know serveral women.. Even after seeking help in many cases it helps, however, the guilt still remains..
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replied July 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I'm sorry you are going through this.

I hope you find someone to talk with.

I worry that if there is something to forgive, it may not have been the best choice for you. If that is the case, you have to recognize that people make bad choices for themselves everyday, and you will have to accept it, grow from it, and learn from it.
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Users who thank Birch for this post: Moo 

replied July 12th, 2008
aochriss wrote:
I've never known anyone to feel anything but relief after the procedure. I'm not doubting your feelings, though, just giving you another perspective.



Omg! I can't express how relieved I am. My situtation may be different from some and maybe that's why I feel nothing but relief. My husband and I have been seperated. I got pregnant by a "jump off" (slang term for friends w/benefits). My husband and I will be reunited soon. So, not only do I not want this guy to be my child's father, I do not want him in my life or my husband's. It was a stupid decision on my part to hook up w/him but I'm ecstatic that I got rid of any result of my dealings with him. It's over now and I can go on w/my life w/my husband.

To the OP, you gotta do what you gotta do. Don't feel bad for doing something in your best interest.
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replied April 20th, 2009
..
You can never be 100% certain that it was the right or wrong decision. It was something you had to do and, as hard as it is, you have to accept that it's been done, and it's in the past, and you can't dwell on it. If life's taught me one thing it's that if you dwell on something that you can't change, it makes it hard to go on with life. It makes it hard to be happy. Things happen and you can't change them now. I think that your daughter will understand because she comes from you. But I would wait until she is old enough to understand everything that happened. A child, and most of the time even a teenager, is not fully equipped mentally to grasp the whole concept. They may say they understand but they might not completely get it. As for the abortion, it was something you had to do. Never regret anything. After all, if you hadn't lived your life the way you have, you wouldn't be where you are now, and I know there are great things in your life that might not have been there if it weren't for the things done in the past. And if it was the wrong thing to do, people make mistakes. We're only human after all. We are not perfect, we mess up and fall down and in the end, we end up learning from our mistakes, not feeling guilty because we made them in the first place, but that experience gets us places. Keep your head up.
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replied April 21st, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
Sometimes people want you to feel the way THEY felt about their abortion, its ok to feel angry, sad, hurt, relieved, happy, or confused about it. Accept that you're grieving recognize that this may have been the wrong choice for you to make in your situation under those circumstances. You should speak with a friend you can talk to openly about it and why you feel the way you do. Many women regret their abortions, many are relieved, many are sad or guilty, many are happy and would do it again in a heartbeat; all of which is ok.

No two women are the same, don't let anyone make you feel bad about your guilt those people only make the situation worse.
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replied June 21st, 2009
It was a very difficult decision for me but I know the life I want for my children and it wasn't the life I was prepared to give I couldn't possible provide my child with the type of childhood I had. I was going to be kicked out my house I have no job and am a full time student at a university and completely depend on my parents. So it was be homeless while pregnant during the most important few weeks of my pregnancy or abort. I cried for days before I finally went and did it. I find it hard to be around babies well not be around them but partake in the joy everyone seems to feel when they see them I get a deep feeling of guilt. I am pro choice but you never know how it will affect you until it happens. It has only been a week for me so I know it will take time and prayer to heal.
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replied May 15th, 2010
Its been 5 years now, and I am still grieving. At the time, I was aborting a 6 week fetus, now he/she was going to be 4. My pain grows as the years pass by, and I am not even trying to forgive myself. My husband wanted us to keep the child, however he did leave the decision to me, syaing that I am also important for him. We already had two children, we were both working full time, and had no support from our parents who leaved far away. Now, when ever we have a non related argument, he would mention my abortion. That makes things even harder for me. I do not know if things are going to change for me ever, but I know that when the time comes, I will definitelly tell my two daugthers. I hope the experience that I have after making 'my choice', will help them never-ever to put themselfs into a similar situation.
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replied October 19th, 2010
Forgiveness
I am 6 weeks post my abortion. I am 33 years old, i think my partner became scared at the prospect of being a father (which he regrets greatly now - suicidal at times), financially i couldn't go it alone (no practical family support to assist) and we made the decision to abort. I regret it more and more each day. I physically ache for my baby, i keep his/her sonogram picture by my bedside and i talk to him/her each night. I've been praying for God's forgiveness and for my baby's forgiveness. I can't change what we did, but i vow to be a better person. Not to judge others, and to live my life humbly and with Christ guiding me. I dont know what my future holds - im scared, one day im fine, the next i could just stop in my tracks and scream and scream. I hate myself with not being able to come up with solutions, i hate my partner (while still loving him - im finding it easier to forgive him, but not myself). Im confused, but i can only hope that things will get easier. I've already had a significant sign that God is watching over me, but i just hope that i can let go of the disappointment, anger, and sadness in time.
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replied November 26th, 2010
i just found this thread searching for answers, a way to forgive myself...i know this is from years ago.
i just had an abortion and i feel so much guilt. i know that it was the right choice for my situation, but there are so many what-ifs. also wondering, hoping, praying that i never have to tell my 2 year old this in the future. explaining that he could have had a sibling. maybe it's just harder when you have already had one, thinking about how miraculous life is and how much joy he has brought to me.
should i have, could i have made this work. i am so disappointed in myself. i have always been pro-choice and have never judged anyone for their decisions on the matter, but i can't stop this aching and sadness. am i a horrible person? i can't seem to get rid of the ultrasound pictures, even though they cause me so much pain. will i ever be able to forgive myself? ever move on? i keep reliving it over and over. i feel like i'm in a constant haze that i can't push out of.
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replied December 4th, 2010
This probably will not make any of you feel better, but I am 56, and I had 4 abortions when I was in my 20s. I thought later in life when I had a "real" boyfriend instead of the guys who were just using me for sex, that I would get married and have children. I had forgiven myself and felt that God forgave me, since God forgives all. But I never had a chance to get married and have children, and this has become a major issue for me. It has been devastating to me. All these years later...and I can't get over what I have done. I feel that it's my punishment and no counselor or friend has ever been able to convince me otherwise.
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replied December 9th, 2010
i dont think that u do ever forget i had an abortion 4 years ago, after my ex partner made me belive it was the right choice and manipulated me, i was 20wks gone and it was the most awful thing i have ever gone through and i had so many un answerd questions after it, and just wish i had never done it. i regret it so much. i know what u are going through.
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replied December 12th, 2010
Hi Everybody,

Apologies if this seems a bet rude or out of the blue, but my name is Elaine and I am doing a masters in Journalism in DCU. For my thesis, I am making a radio programme about abortion in Ireland, what help is there for women both before and after an abortion in Ireland.

At one stage I was facing up to the prospect of having an abortion also, nobody ever knew only my boyfriend. I was just so confused and scared, did not know who to talk too or where to go. I ended up having a miscarriage though and this is the reason I have chosen to do a thesis on this issue, it is MASSIVE yet it seems to be swept under the carpet here and is still taboo.

I was researching online and came across this site. Are there any Irish girls out there willing to talk to me about your experiences?

Thanks,
Elaine
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replied June 4th, 2011
Abortion
Hi. I chose to have an abortion 8 years ago. At the time I was scared, so much that I wouldnt talk to anyone about it but my boyfriend. We were very happy and in Love, but he didnt want to keep it, put it through a crummy life as we were not yet prepared financially for children, and only 19 years old. I wanted to keep it, well aware that I was not prepared to be a mother, but ready to undertake the responsability, but I didnt want to be selfish so I let it go. I became so depressed, but didnt realize why. There were alot of other things going on at the time too, so it was all just one big sad and scray mess for me. I concluded that I didnt Love him anymore, and left him, ran away to another state, another man, so on and so forth. Ruined any chance we may have had, and all because I was afraid to lose him if I kept it, not realizing I would lose myself if I didnt. I didnt fully understand the possable consequences of the abortion before I just went on with it. Well eight years later, today, I relaize that because I was unhappy with my decision, that I stopped loving myself. Its been easy to play the denial, rationalization and anger game for all this time, because I was raised in a home where that was the norm. I was able to bury it deep enough for long enough that I found love again, married, and look forward to having children, but I realize that all the problems my husband and I have had are hinged on my feelings of guilt, shame and lack of love for myself. I have always been pro-choice, but never did I realize how much it would affect the rest of me, having made that decision when it was truly not the right one for me to make at the time. At this point, all I really want is to be fully healed, and to be able to move on, and love myslef,be myself again, and be able to love my husband in a way that I have very rarely been able to conjur up because of my feelings about myslef. Since Ive realized the issue at hand, let it surface, I see how much it has affected our sexual intimacy, my confidence, my sense of self worth, my happiness,and I want to show him the love I know I have within myself, and feel it too. And I fear that if I continue to move on wihtout dealing with this fully, that when we are ready to have our own children, that it will affect my ability to bond, be a good and whole mother, and continue to make me feel like a bad person. I feel as though I will always be preoccupied by a life that isnt even here anymore, and not be able to be a fully loving and functioning mother. I understand that my child has perhaps forgiven me, that God/Love, can and does forgive, that I am only a part of the whole, but I cannot seem to find a way to forgive myself. I just cannot rationolize it for myself. I was weak, I didnt stand up for life and love. Even though it wouldve been hard, it was us that made the choice that created life and I feel that we shouldve been more responsable for it. Even though we would have to have taken the support of our families, which, had they known, had I been brave enough to tell them, they would have lovingly provided us, this child would have been surrounded by love. To each situation and person there is a right choice, and I respect all others and their choices. This is my individual dillema with this situation, and I just want to ask; does anyone have anything to suggest (perspective, thoughts, ideas, experiences) that might help me to see how to forgive myslef and be aable to be whole again? Im done with the denial, anger, hate, anxiety, guilt, shame, I want to Love again. I know this is ultimatley between me and I, but I thought I'd try this and see if anything comes of it. Doesnt hurt to try something this harmless.
Thanks, Amy
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replied June 15th, 2011
Your post made me cry.

I feel so similiar to you.
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replied June 15th, 2011
I am not going to sugar coat this. I had an abortion 26 years ago and I still feel the guilt everyday. I also feel anger that I was so young and was never given an ultrasound or anything to show me what my baby looked liked. I do not even know how far along I was at the time. It was all to easy at the time and it really upsets me. I wasn't given enough information at Planned Parenthood or choices. (I hope they are different now)
I now have two children and had early ultrasounds with both babies due to some bleeding and what I saw on the screen, eventhough it was tiny, was a baby.
I only wish I could have seen what my baby looked like 26 years ago before I killed it!
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replied June 15th, 2011
I am not going to sugar coat this. I had an abortion 26 years ago and I still feel the guilt everyday. I also feel anger that I was so young and was never given an ultrasound or anything to show me what my baby looked liked. I do not even know how far along I was at the time. It was all to easy at the time and it really upsets me. I wasn't given enough information at Planned Parenthood or choices. (I hope they are different now)
I now have two children and had early ultrasounds with both babies due to some bleeding and what I saw on the screen, eventhough it was tiny, was a baby.
I only wish I could have seen what my baby looked like 26 years ago before I killed it!
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