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Q: Do i suffer from Schizophrenia?

asked by: dave_m on June 21st, 2009

New User

I dont really know where to start with this and ive never used one of these sites before so bare with me.

Since i was about 17 (nearly 21 now) ive felt paranoid everywhere i go, i think im being watched when im outdoors and even when im indoors i feel theres someone hiding outside waiting to get me. I think everyones out to harm me, i dont trust anybody not even family or friends.

For the past year or so it feels like the paranoia has got alot worse, to the point that i dont wanna leave the house anymore, when i go to the shops for example i sit in the car outside for a good few minutes and literally have to force myself out and into the shop and get out as quick as i can.

I have quite bad hallucinations now almost on a daily basis and its getting worse as each day passes. Its like i give myself a running commentery on my actions, i can hear my voice in my head that goes on and on about stuff thats happening around me or when i have to talk to someone i will practise what im going to say over and over in my head and then when its time to say it i just come out with aload of rubbish that doesnt make sence or a slur the words alot.
I keep hearing people outside, like people having a fight in the street or breaking into the house ect.. but i know theres never anyone there. When its dark i get really bad feeling inside my body, i see people hiding in bushes or behind objects that are going to jump out at me or are watching me, when im driving i suspect every car behind me is following me or its the police, to the point that now when i go home in the car i have to circle the area about 3 times to make sure nobodys behind me before ill go to my home.

I have bad nightmares all the time about being murdered, i had the same dream over and over for about a month where someone came up the stairs at night and burst through my bedroom door and stabbed me to death... then i'd wake up in hot sweats. Now i have regular dnightmares about things on the same sort of lines or that im involved in car crashes and stuff.

Ive been suffering all of this in silence for along time and now its sort of at breaking point, the hallucinations and paranoia is just destroying my quality of life and its hard to take anymore, i got diagnosed with major depression and anxiety about 2 months ago after i plucked up the courage to finally go to the doctors for some help.

I stay up all night and sleep most of the day as i work nights but even when im not working i do this anyway, i'd be happy if i never had to talk to another person again as i just dont like interacting with people anymore, i used to play alot of sports and go out with friends all the time but now i just dont have the energy or the motivation, its like this has gripped me like a vice and its taking away my life.

When i went to the doctors i told him about the paranoia, he just sort of shaked his head, shrugged his shoulders and give me more antidepressants. He isnt the sort of person that will sit there and listen, in my mind i think he just thinks im lying and hes just trying to get me in and out of there as quick as possible.

I just want to know from what ive described wether theres a good chance that i suffer from this illness? or if not what else it could be.

I want to see someone about this but i dont know where to start, i feel like im wasting my time at the doctors. Its like im crying out for help in my head but theres nobody there for me and that nobody believe what im saying.

Any replys are much appreciated.

Thanks

Replies(6)

ssb17

replied on June 22nd, 2009

New User

schizophrenia

yeah it sounds like schizophrenia. you should go see a psychiatrist and tell him all this. the faster you treat it the better.

woops

replied on June 22nd, 2009

Experienced User

I think that the weird thing is that we have so much to be paranoid about and yet people just either ignore it or don't seem to know that its there.

Its pretty messed up, but its true, there are people out to get you, and yes they want to do horrible things to you, kill you even, they are all over the place. Are they watching you, I don't really know, but what I can tell you is they do watch people, you in particular at this time I dont know if they are, but that is what they do. Im the same way, I can't wait to get out of the store as soon as possible, but this isnt unfounded insanity, it is from the simple truth, most of these people have serious dark seeded bull inside of them and are just plain horrible. Are they out to get you, Im not sure if thats the right way to put it, some of them are anywho.

Are they watching, some of them are. They literally stalk about watching and plotting. They are always there, they have always been there, torturing, killing, kidnapping people.

And all of these other people who are just working people, whats known as normal you might say, they are awful to, just in a different way, you should look into it, your paranoia, at least my paranoia isn't unfounded.

I think that everyone should be a little more paranoid if you ask me.

If you don't mind me asking what do you hallucinate? There may be something happening to you that is not a disease. I could tell you that what happened to me isn't a disease, however it does take some serious drugs to treat it.

I need to know what you see.

dave_m

replied on June 22nd, 2009

New User

Thanks

I see differant things, mostly figures of people in dark clothing, hood up and face covered by a balaclava. They can be outside in the dark peeping through bushes, stood up against a wall or sat down in the corner of my bedroom.

When im driving which is mostly in the dark i see head lights flying towards me from the other direction, but when i look in my rear view theres nothing there.

I had an episode the other month that every night i was going to sleep in my bedroom i could hear somebody creeping up the stairs, my bedroom door is always shut but i could see the door handle going up and down and the door opening and closing. I often wake up in the middle of the night and see someone with there head popping through the curtains of my window just staring at me.

If someone annoys me i get voices in my head that have a full blown arguement about what i should do to the person, ill have one voice that always seems to tell me to go to a shop and buy a baseball bat and hit them in the chest as hard as possible and i can picture me doing it to the person as clear as day like im in a dream but still awake and then the other voice starts telling me about i'll be going to jail and starts calling me a murderer.

Recently the voices keep telling me to get out of the country as quick as possible as this is where i'll meet my maker if i dont leave soon. I keep getting a really bad feeling inside, like i know somethings coming but i dont know what, i get tremors through my body and i can stop shaking sometimes.

I never thought i was that bad, untill you start writing it all down and read it back to yourself. Now i know more than ever that i really do need help, especially after today, i think ive had the worst day of my life so far. I was reducing my self to tears in work just thinking about living with this for even a few more weeks, ive been wanting to die all day but i dont feel too bad now.

Please tell me what happend to you.

woops

replied on June 23rd, 2009

Experienced User

Its so hard to explain, when it was well under way It felt as if I was in the prescense of something awful and powerful and it was making me experience all sorts of awful things. I was filled with anxiety and terror, one because something was there and I could feel it, and two because it was telling me some awful things, it could make me believe what it wanted, control me. I tried to watch a movie and the vcr started messing up, it wouldn't work, but was fine the next day, everytime I looked at the clock it was 3:00. Man the things that it could make you think and feel were awful. I got almost no sleep for about a month, when I would fall asleep it would wake me, id have awful dreams and sometimes it shook my bed when I tried to go to sleep. It all got really bad on halloween, thats when it really began. It started with strange feelings of anxiety and fear and sheer discomfort, as if something was closing in or just plain wrong, I can't really explain that, perhaps I sensed it there or coming or it just simply forced me to feel this way, freaking me out ya know, sometimes with the truth. One of the things that it hurt me with was the simple truth, it told me alot of awful things that are real. I saw an alien, it was either a hallucination brought on by magic, or it was a non physical being, i don't know which, I saw a waist high faun, satyr, whatever you call it, a ghost inside of a tree, it was standing in a triangular doorway and i stared at it and then i heard a soft shoosh right next to my ear, i've also seen a shadow person, whatever those are, a witch made me hallucinate in a bar one time, he recited a very dark poem he had written and i began to hallucinate, awful dreams all of the time, the number thing happens quite a bit, ill see the same number on the clock over and over again.

I can't expain it in detail, wish that I could, but I could feel it, something or someone did it to me, they've been doing it for about nine years now.

woops

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

I think an important thing to mention is the truth part.
I went eighteen years in an oblivious state, in the matter of a second I was bombarded with loads of awful truth of the world, and this "voice" was looming over me and I could feel what it was, and it was saying some awful truths and other awful things, controlling me.

ya know how they say the truth hurts, they ain't lyin.

rightside

replied on June 25th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

You both need to get into some serious therapy for your illnesses. This sounds partly like schizophrenia and partly OCD. There are medications you can take that will help to a degree, but it is a serious illness that can become worse if you don't get treatment. Yes, there are nasty, mean, evil people out there, but you can't live your whole life in fear and seclusion. That isn't normal. Whatever is going to be, will be. We have no control over it, so tell yourself that, and please get the help you both so desperately need. If the doctors you already have aren't helping, you need to find some who will, and they are out there. Good luck.

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